


Twisted Roses

by tunafishprincess



Series: Shades of Pink [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: A Diamond and his Knight, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dark, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assassin Pearl, Body Image, Broken Pearl, Child Soldiers, Connie POV, Connie kicks ass, Diamond eyes Steven, Diamond!Steven, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Height Differences, Homeworld (Steven Universe), Homeworld is Horrible, Knight!Connie, Multi, Pearl Solidarity (Steven Universe), Pink Diamond Steven - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Roses, Sarcastic Spinel, Steven needs a hug, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, White Diamond isn't redeemed, White tries to "fix" Steven and it leaves the poor boy in a messed up place, connverse - Freeform, diamond Steven, pink haired steven, pink steven, pink-haired steven
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 45,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21694360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tunafishprincess/pseuds/tunafishprincess
Summary: Connie lost everything when the aliens attacked. Stolen from her home and placed in the arms of the invader’s youngest leader, she must learn to leave everything she’s ever known in order to survive. Through blood, sweat, and tears she earns her right to stand by her Diamond’s side as his knight, but is that enough for their strange and ever-growing attraction to each other?(Alternate Universe where the Diamonds discover Steven's existence before the show and things turn out far darker than Canon).(Currently on hiatus due to continued harassment to continue the fic)
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Pearl, Connie Maheswaran & Spinel, Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Pearl & Spinel (Steven Universe), Pearl & Steven Universe
Series: Shades of Pink [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1557376
Comments: 364
Kudos: 1258





	1. Do it for Her

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own Steven Universe or any of its characters. 
> 
> Hey! So a lot of folks really liked my art for the sort of AU of my hereditary pink Steven AU and I thought, what the hell, let's write some angst. Big thanks to Ashidaii, Novantinium, Echofour, and Hadithi for inspiring me and helping me with figuring stuff out for the story and whatnot. I sincerely appreciate ya'll's help. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the first chapter!

_You do it for him_   
_And you would do it again_   
_You do it for her, that is to say_   
_You'll do it for him_

* * *

Some say they came for their resources.

Others say they came to eradicate them.

But Connie didn’t care.

At one time she did though, months ago when their arrival was plastered all over the news, infesting every television, cell phone, and computer screen like a virus. News of the invasion sent humans into a fevered frenzy. Connie could remember the confusion, the panic, the discomfort. She withdrew into her books the worse it got, preferring to hide in her room versus sitting with her parents, glued to the television screen and ensuing chaos. She remembered how desperately she tried to appear okay with it all, hoping to please her parents and their expectations for her.

The worst part was there was no vaccine for this. No doctor to make it better. And, as much as she tried, she could not ignore it.

Especially now.

Her heart lurched at the thought of doctors, because doctors meant mom and mom was—

She swallowed back the tears, pushing through grief and fears to continue her search for food and shelter. It had only been a few days. There was still hope they were alive. The fires had been intense, but Connie held out for them, despite the deepening dread as hours turned to days of no contact.

She glanced at her phone. The battery was near dead, so she turned it off, hoping to preserve what little juice it had left.

Not that it mattered. No one could get a word in these days. Everything was monitored by them. Communications had been shut down, their government’s last-ditch effort to delay the inevitable.

And what was the inevitable? Who was _them_? They didn’t appear too different from humans, but something was off about them, something she couldn’t place. Connie didn’t really know, and it burned that she didn’t take the time to understand. Everything had happened so fast. School shutting down, crowded grocery stores, her parents packing everything in their car and heading for the countryside, the crash—

She held her head between her knees. Her fists shook. None of this was fair. She was only eleven.

She reached for her prized possession. Unzipping her backpack, she began to cradle the book like a baby. Gently, she touched the cover of The Unfamiliar Familiar, tracing the character’s faces with her index. Like a sedative, her body began to calm, mind picturing Lisa, the heroine.

Oh, how Connie wished she could be like her. Lisa was powerful and mature and magical and everything Connie wished she could be right now.

Lisa wouldn’t let her fears gobble her up; she would push forward in spite of the odds.

And therefore, so must Connie. Somehow. She knows she isn’t as brave or as cool as the fictional character, but it felt better to rely on her role models than the adults around her.

Especially the bad ones. She was lucky to avoid some of the ones who tried to lure her in with promises of food and water. She had run into too many broken children these past few days to trust them.

So she continued her search. She placed the book back into her bag, checking over her inventory: a half-empty water bottle, two bags of chips (transfats or not, she needed all the energy she could get), a spare change of clothes, her glasses case, a nearly dead megaphone she found on the street, a small blanket, and her collection of the Spirit Morph Saga. She almost scoffed at lugging them around, before remembering how useful they were at alleviating her boredom during the worst parts of the day. She gently placed the first book in with the others. This was one of the few items her parents allowed her to bring.

Dusting off her ripped dress, she trekked through the landscape. She hadn’t been too far from civilization, but it did take her a few miles to get near the city limits. Twilight was almost over, which meant she needed to find shelter, and fast. The longer she walked alone and in the sight of others, the more danger she could be in.

The beach town which once thronged with life stood empty, a shell of its former self. The once smooth sand was littered with rubble. The large cliff hat once stood there now laid scattered across the area. She wasn’t sure whether an earthquake or the aliens did that. Perhaps both.

After scoping out the area, she snuck through the broken back door of one of the stores. To her disappointment, there wasn’t much that wasn’t rotten or spoiled. She gathered a few stale donuts and placed them in the front pocket of her backpack. Even if they weren’t great the sugar on them would make for a good trade or a nice dessert. Connie strived to be resourceful. She read enough survival guides to know that at least.

Everything else? Not so much. Case in point, a group of teens ganging up on a lone woman. Connie wouldn’t have noticed if not for the sound of glass breaking nearby, nearly scaring her out of her wits.

She crouched, shuffling behind one of the broken windows. She covered her mouth to hide her rapid breathing. They were too far away for her to hear, of course, but she could see the threat behind their fists and the anger in their shoulders. One tried to swing at the woman but missed, the lady swerving out of the way like a dancer. Connie watched avidly from her hiding spot. She wished she could move like that. Swift and elegant.

It wasn’t fair. Connie’s hands turned to fists. What had the woman done to deserve such treatment? Probably nothing. Connie’s lips thinned as she recalled how many bad things people had done on her way. It was inhumane, how beastly humanity had become in only a few short months. 

Another tried to reach for the woman but she did a half-pirouette around the action, cape billowing in the wind. Connie was struck at the woman’s form. The cloak couldn’t hide her willowy yet strong firm. When the group attacked together she flipped backward, moonlight highlighting her pale skin.

Connie got to her feet. If this woman could fight, what was to say she couldn’t either? Lisa would have done it. One against five wasn’t fair odds. Even if the woman was trained, a group of people with weapons was no easy feat. She needed back up.

She pulled out the airhorn she found. It was a stupid idea, but maybe—Connie turned on her megaphone, playing one of the ringtones she’d downloaded as a joke, back when life was about books and studying and not street gangs and survival.

The siren resounded throughout the area. Her stomach rolled when the sound nearly cut off halfway, but by the grace of technology, it blared on, loud and imposing.

It didn’t take long for the group to bolt, disappearing down the street from the imaginary police.

Connie released a sigh of relief. Thank whatever deity above the gang didn’t suspect a thing. She ran up to the woman, nearly tripping over her own two legs just to get to her.

“Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” She asked, adjusting her glasses as she took in the woman’s form.

Most of her was obscured by the cloak but from what she could see she could tell the lady was pale, hair obscuring her eyes. Her nose was long and pointed, jutting out from the rest of her face like one of those she’d seen on roman statues, though not nearly so hooked. It was more like a perfect acute triangle and oh gosh why was she obsessing over someone’s nose, this was so stupid—

“Okay?” The woman cocked her head to the side. “Hurt?”

Connie scratched her neck, cheeks burning. “Yeah. Sorry, I know you don’t even know me I just…” She looked at her shoes. “It looked like you needed some help.”

“Help,” she stated, voice so soft she almost didn’t catch it. “You are not like the others.”

“I’m not so sure that’s a good thing. I probably need to get back to finding some food. Would you like to come with me?”

“No.”

“Oh, um. Alright then. If everything’s okay I guess I’ll just—”

A terrible rumble from deep within the earth struck fear into Connie’s heart. Another earthquake. They had become quite frequent as of late. Not that Connie was thinking about that right now.

Her heart hammered as the ground split open, buildings swallowed by the sinkholes forming between the cracks. The earth moved as though it was waves on the sea, buildings crumbling like sandcastles in its wake. Her eyes widened as a piece of rubble broke off from one of the buildings, right above the mysterious woman.

Connie didn’t know what she was thinking. Perhaps it was guilt of not being able to save her parents or some small sliver of courage she’d gained from her reading the Spirit Morph Saga—either way, her feet moved forward, arms pushing outwards towards the lady.

A white flash of pain struck her upside the head and darkness enveloped her.

* * *

It took Connie awhile to regain her wits.

The back of her head throbbed, and the rest of her body wasn’t much better, stabbing pain shooting up and down her limbs. Moving hurt, breathing hurt, even trying to focus on anything hurt.

Was she dying? She released a soft moan. No, not that. She was hurt, but not enough to kill her. She had definitely injured her head, possibly even a concussion since part of a building fell on her. Her arms ached like she had pulled something. Maybe she had.

The shaking stopped, though for how long she had no idea.

Her eyelids fluttered.

And fluttered. And fluttered.

She wished she hadn’t opened them.

Her breathing hitched. She couldn’t help it. Panic began to set in.

A gigantic finger stroked her hair. Connie shivered. No, no, no, no, no—

“Is this the native that saved you?” A soft Irish-sounding voice remarked. At least that was how the accent seemed to her.

Connie wanted to cry. They had said the aliens were big but this one was too much. Despair flooded her. If there were others like her then humanity was doomed.

The mysterious lady from earlier entered Connie’s vision. Without her cloak, Connie could see the full view of the woman as well as the inhumanness of it. She was too thin, too poreless, too silent to be human. The gem at her chest glowed. She bowed.

“Yes, my Diamond,” the woman answered.

“How curious,” the Diamond said, continuing to play with Connie’s hair without her permission. “I’m impressed at humanity’s ability to survive in the wild, especially after we destroyed this place. Such a strange planet.” She gazed down, haunting blue eyes penetrating Connie’s being. “Such fragility, and yet, who would have thought, a little human protecting a Pearl.”

“She appears to still be alive, my Diamond,” Pearl (Connie assumed) said.

“Such a wee creature. I’m surprised a human would go to such lengths, even at the risk of being broken. It would be a shame if it got destroyed when the geo weapon emerges.” She shifted her head to the Pearl on her shoulder. “How soon will the cluster emerge?”

“The reports show that it will be very soon, my Diamond.”

The Diamond flipped back her hood. Long white tresses tumbled down, framing the gem at her chest perfectly. “It doesn’t deserve such a sad fate…I really shouldn’t be here, but I’m glad I came back once more. I did promise Pink more flowers for that garden of hers…I wonder. Pearl, what is the status of the Zoo population?”

“Stable, my Diamond.”

“Then that settles it. Pink has been quite despondent lately. She always did love humans.” Her tired eyes crinkled, a small smile developing. “And she’ll be doubly happy with the new plants.”

“Shall I ready the ship?”

“Yes.” She pressed her index to Connie’s skin. It was strange and uncomfortable and everything about it made Connie shiver. She was too cold, too hard to be anything but alien. “Such softness. I hope Pink likes her new pet.”

For a moment Connie thought another earthquake was happening, only to realize it was something else. Moonlight reflected off the hand-shaped ship, rising from the ocean’s depths in a slow, certain way that sent Connie’s heart racing.

The Diamond adjusted her hold, walking towards the ship with Connie in hand, unable to escape, unable to move. “Yes, I’ll do it for her,” the Diamond whispered to herself. “A present may just be the thing that makes her happy again. I do so hate seeing her so sad.”

Connie wanted to scream. No, she wasn’t a pet. She was a person.

Instead, all she could do was whimper, too in pain to do anything else.

Her eyes closed. She was too drained to listen to anything more.


	2. Keep your stance wide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie wakes to find herself in a strange place with even stranger people. As the reality of her situation sets in, Connie resolves to find an escape back to Earth. But how?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own Steven Universe or any of its characters. 
> 
> Hey! Back with another chapter! I might not update for next week since I gotta update my Blue Moon Rising fic. Big thanks for all the lovely kudos, bookmarks and reviews! You guys are so lovely. I sincerely appreciate it. Shoutout to the folks on the steven universe discord I'm on for encouraging me with this story. I appreciate it. :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

_Keep your stance wide_   
_Keep your body lowered_   
_As you're moving forward_   
_Balance is the key_

* * *

Echoes of voices thrummed softly through her ears. At first, she ignored them, preferring the warm, encompassing dream of magic and adventure to the waking world and its harsh realities. Here she was powerful. Here she was unique.

But the noise persisted, followed by cool waves that brushed against her body. The images of her dream began to blur and scatter, the day world fast approaching. Connie opened her mouth to yawn—

And promptly gagged.

Her eyes flew open, limbs moving erratically. Liquid surrounded her, flowing between her hair, her mouth, her eyes. Panic gripped her heart. Every breath felt labored and uncomfortable, no longer a subconscious action her mind could hide.

It took her a few moments to realize she wasn’t drowning, the watery substance somehow filled with enough oxygen that she can survive. Not that she paid all that much attention to that little fact. Her mind was more occupied with the terrifying realization that she is not where she is supposed to be at _all._

This wasn’t the Beach Town.

She kicked outwards, foot smacking painfully against a hard surface. Connie bit down a groan. Her foot met the side again, searching for some sort of grip, followed by her hand.

Okay, she was inside something, she determined. But what? Pressing her face to the wall, she tried to make sense of her surroundings.

A familiar blue face stood inches from her own.

This time, Connie screamed, her resulting coughs shaking her body as the liquid went down the wrong pipe.

Recent memories rushed through her head. The crash. Her parents. The invasion. She had tried to save someone and got kidnapped for it. And now, she was in the very hands of the people who wanted to destroy her home.

Her whole body shuddered. What had she gotten herself into?

Connie wasn’t anyone special. She had no useful background or information for them to uncover.

Escape, her mind rationalized. She needed to find an exit.

Before she could even develop a basic plan, a sucking noise interrupted her train of thought. It started soft, then ascended into a full-blown roar. The fluid drained from the tank, gravity returning to her body once more, along with a wave of nausea.

Her palms hit the smooth floor with a harsh smack. Coupled with the severe disorientation she was feeling from the tank, Connie immediately hacked up the remaining fluid from the tank, the shiny pink liquid disappearing down the drain. Seconds later, the structure around her sunk into the floor. She looked around. It was as if it had never existed (except for the fact that Connie was still drenched and shivering on the floor).

She rubbed her arms, trying to distract herself from the chilliness of the room. It wasn’t meat locker cold, but it was definitely uncomfortable. She tried to wrench the liquid out of her hair then stopped, remembering the blow to the head she’d suffered earlier.

Wait a second. Her eyes widened. No pain. None at all in fact. She _had_ been injured, hadn’t she? Her fingers flew to her scalp, checking for any bruises or bumps. Nothing. She scanned the rest of her body. Nothing else broken or bleeding either, although it did present another issue.

“Did you guys take off my clothes when I was sleeping?” She squawked, pulling at the strange bodysuit she now sported. “What the heck? That’s gross!”

“Yes,” Pearl answered with no shame whatsoever, hands clasped behind her back. “Your injuries were quite severe.”

Connie rose to her feet. While still unsteady and unsettled, her determination won out. Everything about this situation was like a bizarre nightmare, one she desperately needed to escape.

She had to get home.

She needed to find her parents.

First things first, however: she needed to find her things. Using one of the nearby walls for support, she walked (well, more like stumbled) through the vicinity.

Unlike the rosy tinge of the liquid, the rest of the room was blue. She wished she was joking. Everything was blue. The lighting, the floors, the ceiling, the Pearl—Connie was the only thing sticking out like a sore thumb amongst it all.

After minutes of frantic searching, Connie finally asked, “Where did you put them?”

Pearl’s head cocked to the side.

“My clothes,” she specified.

“All human items have been placed in the Decontamination Bay,” Pearl remarked softly, her voice light and impersonal. “They will be transported to your Diamond’s lodgings once we have landed.”

Connie paused, half-leaning against the wall.

“My Diamond?” Her brows furrowed. “I _don’t_ have any diamonds.”

Did she mean the one that kidnapped her? She shivered. Even now she could remember the alien’s cold finger running down her hair, treating her less like a person and more like a pet.

Pearl approached her side. The stone at her chest glowed, brighter and brighter until Connie had to look away to avoid getting blinded. Moments later, Pearl held out a pale blue towel, looking down at her with a passive gaze. “Please clean yourself.”

More than anything she wanted to reject the offering, but the room was too freezing for her to do so. Wrapping it around her like a blanket, she continued her search for an exit, Pearl walking a foot behind her all the while.

Her attention returned to the bodysuit they stuck her in. It was beautiful in a strange, futuristic pastel way, with pale blues, pinks, yellows, and whites intersecting in geometric patterns. As she dried off her hair, she couldn’t help but inquire about the clothing. “What exactly am I wearing?”

The fabric wasn’t like anything she’d felt before. Testing it between her fingers, she concluded it too was too perfect for her liking. There was no give, no threads, no softness—which in a way, probably made sense because aliens weren’t humans.

Pearl placed her hands behind her back, face tilted to the floor. “It is a specially-made suit designed to stimulate the healing process in our Rejuvenation Tanks. We normally only use it on cracked gems, but it seems to work on your kind as well. Interesting.”

Connie nodded, attention focusing on her hands. The scratches and bruises she’d accumulated over the past few days had disappeared, leaving behind warm clean skin. Really clean. In fact, “I can’t believe it! My scar is gone…Oh my gosh, I can see my scar without my glasses.” She immediately touched her face. The absence of their weight was unnerving, but not as much as how well-defined everything around her was now. “I-I can see everything. Did the Tanks or the suits do that or was it both? How is this even possible?”

She had so many questions. How advanced were these aliens? They had spaceflight, obviously, but how different was their tech to Earth’s? How did they communicate? What was their home planet like?

Pearl merely answered her with an impassive smile.

She sighed. Fine, Aliens wanted to keep their secrets. Not like she had any right to them. They were still the invaders, cool technology or not. “Okay then. I guess I’ll figure it out later.” Her hands found themselves at her waist. “So, where am I?”

“We are currently located in the Healing Chambers.”

“And where is _this_ place?” She motioned widely, hoping for an idea of where they were located. Hopefully still near one of the free cities, or at least a small town or something.

“We are currently located—”

“You said that already,” she remarked dryly. This was going nowhere. Should she have been more direct in her questioning? Connie leaned against the wall for support. While not physically exhausted, her mental state was definitely at the tipping point. Where was—

Oh.

Her fingers met glass, or what she perceived as such. The panel reacted to her touch, glowing blue beneath her fingers before fading away into a semitransparent screen that stretched from the point of contact until the corner where the wall and ceiling intersected.

But that wasn’t what caught her attention. It was what beyond that interested her.

“Is that what I think it is?” She whispered.

Wow. Connie pressed both hands to the window, face so close her nose bumped against the surface. 

Outer space danced before her. Comets crossed stars like ballerinas, perfect and in tune to the cosmos. Supernovas of all colors and shapes waltzed between the chaotic lights of different worlds and the infinite blackness that encompassed it all. Connie gasped at the sight. It was…indescribable. 

The night outside her home had never been like this. Not even movies could match the show before her. It was like one of her sci-fi novels, only better. Much better.

And she was here. In front of it all.

In space.

And not on Earth.

Her fingers shook. She brushed them through her hair, trying not to freak out more than she already was. “We’re in space. Oh my gosh, we’re in space. How? Where are we going?”

“You are aboard Blue Diamond’s vessel, approximately 30 lightyears from our destination, soon to arrive within the hour,” Pearl informed.

“This is unreal,” she said, excitement slowly dimming to a harrowing realization of her new reality.

She was alone, far from home, with the very aliens who were threatening her home.

Her fingers clenched. The words slipped out without her meaning to do so. “You’re are the ones invading my world.”

“Yes.”

It was a stupid question, Connie knew, but hearing the confirmation solidified her feelings. The Pearl, the Diamonds—even if they had healed her with their technology, they were still destroying her world, her people, her family. It wasn’t right.

She turned towards Pearl, fists shaking. “Can’t you see how much suffering you’re causing?”

“Suffering?”

“People are dying. All my classmates, my teachers, my—” She swallowed. No. Don’t think about it. The more she thought about it, the worse it became—“Whatever you’re doing, it isn’t right. You have to stop. _Please_.”

She couldn’t tell whether or not her words got to the Pearl. The gem continued to stand ramrod straight, her feet moving into what Connie supposed was 3rd position based on her old ballet classes.

“I see,” Pearl finally said.

“Isn’t there any way we can resolve this? Some sort of treaty or peace agreement or something?” Connie looked away. No, she wouldn’t cry here. She couldn’t let her emotions get the best of her. “I just…I wanna go home right now. Please, take me home.”

“As a Pearl I do not have any authority to resolve conflicts. All planetary resolutions are made by the Authority,” she remarked plainly.

“And who are they?”

“The Diamonds.”

Connie glanced back towards the stars. The second view had been dampened by the news, but it was still just as stunning as before.

So, the status of Diamond was a ruler as well. The Diamonds…Plural. Oh, how lovely. As if she didn’t have an impossible task in front of her already. And Connie was being transferred to another one. Great. An out of the frying pan into the fire scenario. Her lips thinned.

“Then I need to talk to them about this?” She inquired.

Pearl paused, arms frozen. Connie almost thought she’d short-circuited until she replied, “No…One does not talk to the Diamonds.” She turned her head. “We must get your ready. My Diamond will be here soon.”

“You’re very talkative,” Connie said dryly. Really giving her all the answers here. Although, Connie supposed, it was better than nothing.

“My Diamond ordered me to aid you during your stay,” she replied.

“Ordered? You don’t have to, you know,” she gestured between them. “Talk to me. If you don’t want to.”

Somehow, the idea that the alien was commanded to do so left a funny feeling in Connie’s stomach. It further diminished the excitement of space and extraterrestrial life.

This being had no interest in her as a person. She was ordered by her superiors to do so, not out of kindness or sympathy.

Guilt racked her form. How could she be excited about space when everything about her home and life was being destroyed? Her parents would be furious at her for such narrowmindedness.

Pearl seemed to ponder Connie’s words before touching her gem. It glowed softly, materializing clothes within seconds. Connie tried not to gasp. After a spell, Pearl remarked, “Would that make you comfortable?”

“This isn’t about me,” Connie said. “What about you? You don’t seem very comfortable.”

Pearl paused, the fabric floating to the floor. Beneath her long bangs, Connie could almost see the surprise in her eyes. “I am…not programmed to be a conversationalist. I am a Pearl.”

“And a Pearl is…?” Like, were they designations or races or what? Connie wondered if it had to do with the gems attached to their bodies. Were they actually gemstones or was there something else to it?

Immediately, Pearl crossed her arms together, hands tilting backward until the tips of her fingers touched. “This Pearl is a servant of Blue Diamond.”

That answered everything and nothing. “Look, I need to get home. I can’t stay here.”

“You are not staying here.”

Her eyes widened. Oh, thank goodness. “You mean—”

“You are being delivered to your Diamond,” Pearl said, emphasizing the possessive.

“I don’t have a Diamond,” she said.

Something flashed beneath the veneer of politeness Pearl sported, but Connie could not grasp what the expression meant. She wished she could. Picking up the fabric, Pearl presented the garment in its full glory.

“You will,” she said, voice barely above that whisper of hers.

Sweat trickled down her brow; Connie swallowed. Seeing the clothes unfolded, she began to understand exactly what Pearl was talking about.

Pink. And not just one shade but multiple, each section a different color, all complimentary and perfect, with the deepest shade at its chest. Her heart sank. She knew that symbol.

Still, she tried to argue, “You’re missing one small fact: I’m a human being. Not a Pearl.”

“Yes.”

“You really don’t understand, do you?”

Connie wasn’t someone’s Pearl. There had to be a mistake. She had to convince the Diamonds she needed to get back home.

But would they even listen to her? Especially if she was going to be some Diamond’s new servant or whatever she was. ‘ _Delivered to your Diamond’_ didn’t leave Connie with the best impression of her situation.

“I understand that you are human,” she said, carefully checking the seams of the fabric, not even looking at her. “I also understand that you are searching the perimeters of the room to find any weaknesses or escapes.”

“How did you—“

“We must get you ready. My Diamond wants to make you more appealing.”

No, no, no, no!

This wasn’t right. This wasn’t fair.

Connie wasn’t going to be someone’s new pet or toy or slave or whatever it was.

“I want to go home!” She shouted.

Pearl gave her a long look (or so Connie thought, it was hard to see her eyes between her abnormally long fringe then said indifferently, “Arms up, please.”

She wanted to say no. She wanted to stomp her feet and scream on the top of her lungs that she wouldn’t go quietly. They couldn’t do this to her.

But her fear held her back. Technically, they could do whatever they wanted with her now. There was no escaping these people, not now at least. If Connie disobeyed, who knows what they would do to her? A harrowing thought.

Her gaze drifted back to the window. She was far, far from home, far from everything she had ever known or hoped for. She had no rights here. This was their space. Their laws. Their customs.

Connie released a deep sigh.

Reluctantly, she lifted her arms. The dress slid over her like a glove, the bottom floating out like one of those puffy dresses she saw at weddings. It wasn’t her. None of this was.

“Can’t you help? Didn’t I save you? You owe me. Please, I have to get back,” she pleaded half-heartedly, knowing that the answer but still hoping for a chance at returning. “My mom and dad are there. I…” Her vision blurred as tears slid down her cheeks. “I want my mom and dad.”

So badly. Every time she thought about them her mind traveled back to the accident. The scent of burnt hair didn’t leave her nose for days, and the screams.

She grabbed her head. Those were from the other vehicle. They had to be.

But everything had been on fire and upside down and she couldn’t get out. She couldn’t breathe—

Pearl picked up the towel, dabbing Connie’s eyes in a clinical manner. “A Diamond’s orders are absolute.”

Connie pressed the thoughts into the far-out corners of her mind. _Don’t think about it_ , she inwardly chanted. Home. Survival. Those were her goals now.

And yet.

“But can’t you bend the rules just a bit?” She asked.

Pearl ignored her question. With a flick of her wrist, she drew out a rose from the gem at her chest, tucking it safely into Connie’s hair. “Keep your stance wide and your arms bent to represent a diamond when you greet them,” she advised. “Arms out, please.”

She presented them, too despondent to speak. As if on autopilot, she regarded Pearl’s nimble fingers, fitting the last pieces to the dress. It was too frilly and pretty for Connie’s tastes, but that didn’t seem to matter to them at the moment. She fluffed Connie’s sleeves before sliding opera-length gloves up her arms, the material reflecting off the blue-tinted lighting.

Connie jolted back when Pearl touched her locks. The Gem pulled back, bowing deeply then continuing her task of making Connie “pretty”.

A darker part of Connie wanted to laugh. As if anyone could make her look pretty. Connie knew what she looked like: a long hooked nose that didn’t fit her face, a thin mouth, an oval face—she wasn’t pretty. Not like the Pearl in front of her. The clothes would only serve as a distraction from the rest of her.

“I’m scared,” she admitted.

Pearl’s lips pulled into a soft o, shoulders raised as Connie’s eyes continued to spill tears. After the reaction, she composed herself, tying the end of Connie’s braid and fluffing her dress. Like Connie’s mom used to do, she tucked a stubborn lock behind Connie’s ear before rising to her feet, hand outstretched for Connie to take it.

Any other day she would have balked at such an offer. She was almost twelve. Connie wasn’t a little baby.

But she was alone.

Alone with no friends or family to guide her. No chance of any easy escape. Trapped in the hands of her planet’s enemies who didn’t care about her wants or needs.

She hiccupped. An object. She was someone’s object, or pet, or plaything or whatever the Diamond wanted her to be. It was both a horrifying and humiliating prospect.

Pearl motioned her hand once more, unease in her features.

Connie wiped her face. She had to survive. She had to get back to earth.

But the only way to do that was going forward.

Reluctantly, she took the hand, discomforted by its smooth, alien coolness. It wasn’t like her mom or dad’s. It didn’t comfort her like theirs’s did.

But it would have to be enough.

* * *

She wasn’t sure why she ever thought talking with the Diamond would work. She barely even got a word in before Blue Diamond cupped her in her hands, holding her like one would a ring box.

“Can you…please take me home?” She said, sticking her head out from the cage of fingers. “I want to go back now.”

“Oh poor thing,” Blue Diamond sighed. “Pearl, you didn’t inform it about the Cluster, did you?”

“No, my Diamond.”  
  


Connie massaged her temple. Right. She’d banged her head pretty bad, but she recalled something about it when they kidnapped her. “The Cluster…that’s the geo-weapon, right?”

“You remember. It’s so sad,” she said, gaze drifting past to the opening hanger.

A geo-weapon. That didn’t sound good. Another reason for Connie to get back to Earth. Someone had to warn them.

Blue Diamond moved before Connie could get another word in edgewise. The shaking reminded her of how dire her situation was. She was powerless here.

Part of her wanted to cry again. This was too big for her to process. Just yesterday she had been a young girl trying to survive and now she was being presented to one of the leaders of the invasion? It terrified her. All of this.

Her body folded together, arms wound tightly against the legs she kept close to her chest. Her braid whipped around her face as Blue Diamond walked down the steps of her ship, only coming to a rest when she abruptly stopped.

A loud gasp resounded.

“My luminous radiant Diamond,” a voice called, awe dripping from her words. “This Agate is honored. What brings you to our humble base?”

“The shimmering brilliance that is Blue Diamond has brought a new human,” Pearl answered for her.

Connie stuck her head out from beneath Blue’s thumb. Below, another blue person bowed. Unlike the Diamond and the Pearl, her gem sat behind her head.

“Oh! Another addition to our Zoo!” She clapped her hands together. “How wondrous! It’s truly an honor to bask in your presence, my Diamond.”

Connie rolled her eyes. Ugh. Were all these aliens going to be like this?

“No, not another addition,” Blue Diamond stated. “I’ve brought a present.” She paused. “Is Pink still in her garden?”

The Blue Agate didn’t hesitate to answer, “As always, my Diamond.”

“Excellent. We will visit her directly then.” She released a small giggle. “Oh, I do so hope she enjoys her gift.”

“I’m certain Pink Diamond will be pleased by your arrival,” Agate remarked, bowing once more.

“How has she been since…” Blue Diamond’s fingers tensed, the space between no longer so spacious. “The incident?”

Agate raised her head, features frozen for a split second before she released a nervous laugh. “Oh my, well, she seems to be doing better.”

“Has she left the Garden at all?”

The room dimmed, suddenly bluer than before.

Agate hiccupped, water dripping from her eyes as she replied in a shaky voice, “My Radiance, from my observations I will say with a heavy heart that no, she has not.”

“I see.” The blue hue faded. “That will be all then.”

“Of course, your excellence. And if there is anything you need I am here, ready to serve,” Agate drawled, pressing her hand to a panel.

“Poor Pink. I knew White was too harsh on her. If only I had been there,” Blue Diamond sighed morosely.

“What happened?” Connie asked.

She gave Connie a sad smile. “Oh, it’s a long story. But not to worry. I’m sure Pink will enjoy her new present.”

Connie flinched. Right. Of course. She was someone’s gift.

As Blue Diamond continued down the hallway, Connie’s attention drew inward.

There were no friends here. Only enemies. Just like that one chapter in Unfamiliar Familiar, where Lisa is trapped without Archimicarus. Lisa drew on her inner strength to fight off the minions of the mysterious one-eyed man.

Connie placed a hand to her heart. Despite the hopelessness of her situation, she had to survive. She had to get back to Earth. She had to warn them.

But how? Steal one of their spaceships and fly it home? And what about the geo-weapon the Diamond spoke of? She shook her head. _Focus_ , she thought. Information. She needed information.

“We have arrived, my Diamond,” Pearl announced.

Light leaked from between the Diamond’s fingers. Connie squinted. The faint smell of flowers greeted her, as did the sudden warmness of the new room. Where was this?

Blue Diamond opened her hands, the one not holding Connie resting beneath her chin. The sad smile from earlier had disappeared, replaced with a genuine look of fondness and familiarity. “Pink! It’s been ages.”

Down below, a young masculine voice answered, “Blue?”


	3. Right Foot; Left Foot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie meets Pink Diamond, but he is not what she expected at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own Steven Universe or any of its characters. 
> 
> Hey! Back with a new chapter and just in time for the holidays. Wow, you guys are so sweet. Never expected this fic to get so many hits, comments, kudos and bookmarks. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. 
> 
> Shoutout to Hadithi, Echofour, Ashidaii, E350, and the rest of the folks on the SU discord I'm on because you guys are fantastic and are lovely beta readers. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the newest chapter. Happy holidays!

_Right foot; left foot_   
_Now go even faster_   
_And as you're moving backwards_   
_Keep your eyes on me_

* * *

A garden.

Connie blinked, her eyes slowly adjusting to the brightness of the room.

And a large one at that. It reminded her of one of the fancy arboretums her parents used to take her for family photos, except this one was far too perfect to be of Earth. Even from above she could spot the vivid colors around them, flowers of all shapes and sizes neatly sectioned off into different areas by pristine walls and flooring. In the center, a large tree sprouted from the ground, its pink blossoms overshadowed only by the hair of its owner.

She had to squint to see him. Compared to Blue Diamond Pink was…not what she was expecting.

Beneath his colorful hair sat a pudgy face and large dark eyes, framed by childish features and an equally young body. She knew gems didn’t necessarily show their age as she did, but this one was…uncomfortably human-looking. At least from her vantage point. Maybe he had another pair of eyes or horns underneath all those curly locks of his.

“What are you doing here?” He asked cautiously.

Connie squinted. There was something in his tone of voice she couldn’t quite place.

Blue Diamond knelt gently, placing Connie slightly out of view. “I have a surprise for you,” she said. “Close your eyes.”

He did as instructed, feet knocking against each other like an excited child. “Okay.”

“No peeking.”

He laughed, “I promise! What did you get me?”

In one fluid movement, Connie was placed onto the cool floor. She barely had time to right herself before Pink opened his eyes.

It felt as though time stopped.

He was shorter than she initially believed. In fact, Connie was probably the taller of the two by at least a few inches.

Up close, she could see the subtle shift in his demeanor, the color paling from his face as he took her in. Was she bad looking? Connie bit down on her inner cheek. Geez, she knew she wasn’t pretty, but she’d hoped a Diamond would be a bit more polite (though, considering they were the ones who were attacking her home, politeness was probably not their strong suit). When he noticed her staring, however, the color reappeared, cheeks flushing madly.

“H-hi,” he stammered, cracking a gentle smile.

Connie’s mouth opened, closed, before settling on an uneasy middle ground between the two.

This wasn’t what she expected at all. Somehow, the idea of space invader didn’t seem to fit him, no matter how hard she tried to imagine it. He was soft where Blue Diamond was hard. It made her wonder how these rulers got decided in the first place.

Blue Diamond didn’t seem to notice their interaction or didn’t care to. The second she set eyes on the boy in front of her, Connie suspected her mind was only on him and him alone. Carefully, Blue Diamond scooped him up, cradling the other diamond as a mother would with a babe.

Her parents might have considered such a scene as mothering him, but to Connie, it looked like she was smothering him.

Who was this Pink Diamond? And why did he look so _human_?

The ground trembled as Blue Diamond got to her feet, leaving Connie in astonishment of being both abandoned and forgotten.

Seriously? Her face flushed. It burned, that she was so unimportant. Wasn’t she supposed to be a gift?

Apparently, not a very interesting one. Perhaps the Diamond intended for her to be like a decoration, nice to have and show off but ignored the rest of the time. Somehow, that made Connie feel a lot worse about her situation versus being someone’s pet. How was she going to learn anything if all they did was leave her alone?

A rustle of leaves was her only indication of the next newcomer. Connie didn’t have time to gasp before a thin cold index shushed her.

For a moment she thought she was looking at a moving statue, as porcelain as a doll and just as creepy, only in the next to see the slight separation between skin and disguise. There was another face beneath that mask. At Connie’s continued silence, the mysterious figure gestured for her to follow.

If this had been earth Connie would have stayed put. Following strangers was bad. Her mom said so.

But her mom wasn’t here. No one she knew was here. She was a stranger in a strange land, its rules, and customs as foreign to her as she was to them. So…maybe the stranger rule didn’t apply here.

The figure definitely wasn’t human though. From the inhuman elegance of her shifting feet up to the shining jewel at her forehead, everything about her screamed alien. Her dress shifted like water, revealing long red-clad legs that seemed to go on forever. She was perfect and terrifying and Connie wished she could be even an ounce of that right now instead of weak and pathetic and everything this person was not.

So she did exactly the opposite of her parents’ wishes.

Taking a deep breath, she began to move. Right foot; left foot. Over and over again.

She followed the person which, admittedly, was only a small walk to one of the nearby fountains, but still, it felt like miles, especially considering the amount of rule-breaking she was doing.

In front, Blue continued to throw affection at the boy who appeared to take it in stride.

Oh, who were they kidding? She was practically suffocating him! Why was no one noticing this?

Unless…Was Connie misinterpreting that pained expression? Was he merely embarrassed?

No, that was _clearly_ a boy who didn’t want so much affection. So why did no one do anything about it?

After a few minutes, Blue Diamond finally placed him on the side of the fountain, one hand cupping her face while the other twirled fingers through the waters, sending small waves in their wake.

“I know you’ve missed your little planet since you last left it, so I brought you back something special,” she confessed sheepishly. “I know it’s not much, but I thought you could use a new little human.”

Pink’s brows pinched together. He glanced down at Connie, eyes resting on the stranger for a second before returning to his fellow Diamond. “But a human from Earth? Blue, I—"

She hiccupped. The warmth of the garden dimmed as the giant woman’s mood suddenly shifted. “Oh Pink, I’m so sorry. I should have been there. This is my fault. White can be…difficult at times. But she means well. Honest.” She pressed him against her face. “Won’t you come back to Homeworld with me again for a visit? We’ve all missed you.”

The Blue Pearl she’d been with earlier reappeared at Connie’s side, stepping into formation, even as tears dripped down her face. It was in stark contrast to the other gem to Connie’s right, still frozen in time, arms positioned in that awkward diamond signal.

Oh. Right. She’d almost forgotten. Connie mimicked the movement, hoping she didn’t look as ridiculous as she felt.

“I…I want to stay here for a little longer,” Pink stated, voice uneasy but still cheerful. “With my garden. I like tending to my flowers. They make me feel happy.”

Blue wiped the tears from her eyes, lips pulling upwards with a familial gentleness to them. “Well, it just so happens I brought you a few new of those earth plants as well.”

His face perked up. “Really?” He hugged her thumb. “Wow, you’re the best, Blue! When can I see them?”

“Soon.” She giggled. “Oh, this brings me back, I remember when we bought you your first garden. Do you recall?”

Connie could almost hear the pin drop as the room’s mood changed once more.

Pink’s cheerful façade fell, replaced with a look of confusion.

“I…it’s been so long and my memory is still really hazy,” he said, fidgeting around. “I’m sorry, no.”

The Diamond released a sad sigh. She leaned closer, features taking on a determined flare. “Don’t worry, Pink. We’ll get them back. We’ll reverse whatever they did to you.” She lifted a fist. “I promise.”

Connie glanced at the two beside her, hoping for an explanation. At least some sort of exposition would be nice. When none was given, her shoulders slumped. Figures.

He lifted his head, patting her hand as he replied in a monotone manner, “I know, Blue.”

“I like your new hair. It suits you.” She emphasized this by petting the boy’s locks with her index playfully before presenting her palms. “Come here, my little _Steven_.”

Connie’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. Steven? As in, like, a human name? Wasn’t he Pink before? What did that mean? Was it some sort of nickname? What she would give for a book on alien culture at this moment.

Not that she could hold it for very long. Her arms twitched, uncomfortable in their current position. How long would she have to hold this again?

Steven barely had time to move before the other Diamond scooped him up. She cradled him in her hands, stroking his hair with her right thumb. Despite the strange, strained relationship between the two Diamonds, there was love there, albeit strained, particularly on Steven’s part.

Even from down below she could tell he was uncomfortable. His eyes darted between her and Blue, a red blush overtaking his cheeks and ears.

“Blue, please.” He tried to push her face away to no avail. You’re embarrassing me.”

She giggled, if anything, holding him all the closer. “You’re so cute, Pink. Still so silly. So small.”

“Blue, stop. I’m a Diamond too,” he urged as he tried to push her thumb away.

She closed her eyes, expression taking on a somber air. Giving a small kiss to his head, she released him back to the ground. “Yes, yes, you are. My apologies, Pink.”

Connie frowned. In between the flowers and the two contrasting Diamonds, a lot of subtitles and secrets laid, the majority of which Connie could not decipher. But, once again, this wasn’t her place. Not really.

Her shoulders tightened. Diamond family business had nothing to do with her. Connie had to focus on getting information about the Cluster and returning home, end of story. This wasn’t her problem.

Pearl coughed, sliding from her position at Connie’s side to Blue. “My Diamond, your schedule.”

Reluctantly, Blue Diamond rose to her full height, shadow blanketing the garden and its occupants. “You’re right,” she sighed. “And here I thought I’d have more time with you. Our moments seem so fleeting these days.” She almost reached out before pulling her hand back again. “I will have to cut our visit short, unfortunately. I must return to Homeworld.” She turned to leave, adding softly, “You’ll visit us one day, yes?”

Steven (or Pink or whatever his name was, Connie wasn’t sure anymore) seemed to be lost in thought before finally running after her.

“Wait! Blue!” He yelled. She stopped, allowing him a moment to both catch up and catch his breath. “Thank you. For the presents.” He glanced back at Connie.

Connie furrowed her brows, returning a bewildered look. She looked to the mysterious gem from earlier only to find that she had disappeared, leaving Connie suddenly off-kilter. How? How had she not noticed that?

Blue smiled once more. As the doors started to close behind her (along with Blue’s Pearl, Connie soon realized) she replied, “You’re welcome, Pink. I hope you enjoy them.”

The resounding click of the closing doors alerted Connie of her new situation.

Panic gripped her stomach, her insides tossing and turning like a tumultuous sea. Tension grew in her face and limbs, hairs pricking upwards as her thoughts ran wild. She was stuck here. She was stuck here with a boy-shaped diamond and a masked gem and all his servants. He could do whatever he wanted with her.

Her breathing grew more rapid, shallowing as the primal urge to flee rose within her.

Except.

Except there wasn’t anywhere for her to run here, was there? She was alone. Lost in space with no idea of how to get back and even save her home.

What would he do with her? Salty tears threatened to escape. This was too much for someone like her to deal with. She was just a kid! Urgently, she tried to pull on the strength of Lisa once more, but found herself at a loss.

At least Lisa had Archimicarus.

At least Lisa wasn’t alone.

A pink blur crossed her vision. Her only warning was a broken chuckle as a large hand grabbed her head, fingers digging into her hair. Connie screamed.

“Well, well, well, look what we have here.” A mocking voice leered in a sing-song manner. “A new toy.”

* * *

The clown glared down at her, no longer amused by Connie’s fear. “Ugh, stop yelling already.”

Connie’s mouth snapped shut.

The clash of reds and pinks in her outfit made her stand out against the orderly garden colors. Her hair, dressed in two pigtails, flared out, a childish contrast to the black mascara that ran down her cheeks.

  
Wait, was that mascara or part of her look? Connie’s eyes traveled to her gem. Noticing Connie’s stare, the jester-looking alien covered her jewel, eyes narrowing. Her grip on Connie’s head tightened.

“Spinel!” Steven called, rushing toward the two. He grabbed the other by the waist, pulling her back. “No, it’s not like that. She’s…” He paused. “Um, sorry, what was your name?”

It took her a moment to find her words. “Connie.”

“Never heard of that kind of gem,” Spinel said.

“That’s because she’s not a gem. She’s human, like m—y Zoo. Like the humans in my Zoo.” He grabbed her arm. “Please, release her.”

He had a zoo of humans? Oh great, Connie thought, this was her life now.

Spinel complied. Connie fell to her knees. The flower Pearl had tucked into her locks earlier now lay crumpled on the ground beside her.

“Ew. One of those dull things?” Spinel yawned, placing her arm on Steven’s head whilst flicking his nose playfully. “Why would she get you one of those?”

He giggled, swatting her limb away playfully. “They’re not dull. The Zoomans can be a bit strange, but they’re nice.” He returned his attention to Connie, a sad smile on his lips. “Blue means well, but she does things without my asking a lot. I’m sorry about all this. Really.”

Really.

_Really_.

Did he really just say that?

“Sorry?” Anger rode her voice like a rising wave. “You’re sorry?”

Spinel wiggled her brows, smacking Steven’s back playfully. “Yikes, looks like you touched a sore spot there, friendo.”

“Spinel, come on,” he said. “I think there’s a misunderstanding. I—"

“I’m lightyears away from my family,” her eyes clenched, “my home,” her hands grew into fists, “my planet, and you’re sorry?” She shook her head, her braid tousling around, reminding her of another thing she couldn’t control, couldn’t’ stop, couldn’t escape from. “Earth is being invaded by your people.” Her voice descended into a near whisper. “People are dying.”

The Diamond’s eyes widened. He looked like he wanted to say something, before pulling away, looking to his friend for help.

Said friend merely shrugged, giving the boy a rough head pat before saluting goodbye. “Well, this has been enlightening but this ain’t my kind of gig. I’m out. Later, Steven.”

This didn’t seem to set well with the Diamond. He waved his arms frantically at the disappearing back of his friend, alarm in his features. “Wait, no, don’t…”

“This isn’t a joke,” Connie stated. “ _Sorry_ isn’t going to cut it. Don’t you understand?”

“No, I do,” he replied.

She tched. Did he seriously believe he could comprehend her pain? Her loss? “How? How can you?”

“Because I’m from Earth too!” He exclaimed, voice echoing off the walls.

Connie froze.

What? She searched his gaze, trying to find any lie or sense of deceit.

He peeled off the glove on his right hand then extended it to her, the tentativeness gone from his expression “Hi, my name is Steven.”


	4. Keep my stance wide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the months go by, Connie finds a new purpose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own Steven Universe or any of its characters. 
> 
> Wow! Holy cheese! You guys are fantastic! I never expected to get so much lovely feedback and fanart. Seriously. Check out my instagram tunafishprincess if you'd like to see some of the artworks. They're amazing. 
> 
> Big thank you to hadithi, E350, and echofour for giving me encouragement and feedback for the chapter and story. You guys are amazing. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter! It's a long one! Also first chapter of the new decade yey!

_Keep my stance wide_

_Keep my body lowered_

_As I'm moving forward_

_Right foot; left foot_

* * *

The first month went about as she expected.

Despondent. Terrified. Grieving. Take your pick, she’d cycled through every bad emotion she could think of.

She was far from the home and longed for and desperate to get back.

Minutes turned to hours turned to days turned to weeks and still, Connie barely understood the world around her. She lived day in and day out in the garden, exploring the different crooks and crannies, trying to figure out how to escape. Alas, the doors wouldn’t open for her, no matter how many times she’d tried. She was trapped. A bird in a gilded cage.

The thought made Connie cradle her book. Tracing the lines across the cover, she thanked her lucky stars that they allowed her to keep it, or rather, allowed her _Diamond_ to keep them. Everything she owned was technically his now.

Her lips soured. Connie might have shaken his hand but that didn’t mean she trusted him. Pink (or rather, Steven, as he preferred to be called) was friendly, almost overly so. From day one he had been hanging out with her, stuck like glue really.

At the beginning she wanted to reject it. He was one of the invaders, albeit a reluctant one, but that didn’t detract from his supposed role in her planet’s current hysteria. In their current destruction.

He was a Diamond, half or not. She was a human.

And yet.

Her features softened.

She couldn’t deny that she enjoyed the attention.

Which was why she didn’t immediately brush him off as he peeked up from behind her book, eyes glittering with interest. His pink fringe swayed over his face as he scouted closer.

“What are you reading?” He asked.

Connie closed the cover, mouth thinning as she took in his intrigue. “A book.”

He laughed. ‘I know that.” Once planted down in the area next to Connie, he shuffled closer, shoulder bumping against her own. “What’s it about?”

Her cheeks reddened. Someone was _actually_ interested in her stories? He wasn’t messing with her, right? She checked his eyes, waiting to see if he would crack a joke at her expense. When none came, her shoulders loosened. This was…unprecedented.

No one in her class had ever liked her books. Even her parents thought her interest in the magical book series was strange, though tolerated on account of her good grades.

Dare she tell him?

Her throat bobbed. Well, it wasn’t like she had anything else to do in this garden.

“It’s… kind of hard to explain,” she began, fingers playing with the pages. “It’s about this girl named Lisa. She’s a witch, well, she was originally just a regular girl but she finds out she’s a witch and she goes on this question with her talking falcon named Archimicarus, who is also her magical familiar and they go on adventures together, but their main question is finding her father. He was kidnapped by the mysterious one-eyed man and are you getting all this?”

Oh gosh, had she gone into too much detail?

His eyes widened, waving his hands in a placating manner. “Oh, I am! I am! It sounds awesome. I just…” He scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “I know it’s stupid, but I haven’t read anything outside of the reports Yellow sends me.”

“Yellow?” The hairs on the back of her neck rose.

“She’s like Blue, but different.” He sighed, head thumping against the tree base behind them. “They mean well, but stars, I wish they didn’t treat me like some sort of, of—”

“Kid?” Connie raised a single brow. She knew the feeling quite well.

He snapped his fingers. “Exactly. Blue likes to coddle me a lot. She can be a bit overbearing, but she means well. She’s just…intense, you know? And Yellow teaches me things like gem politics and colony management. Plus a lot of stuff that all Diamonds are supposed to know, except, well, me. Most of it goes over my head.”

So gem society was even more complex than Connie originally thought. She didn’t blame Steven for his lack of interest though. “Sounds boring.”

He nodded, cupping his cheeks with both hands as a frown developed. “It is.”

It always surprised her, how similar they were: ignored by their guardians, stuck in roles they never had a choice in, forced to study things outside their interests. Heck, they were even from the same city (or at least, the last city Connie had lived in until her world was turned upside down).

Her index flicked against the novel’s spine. Slowly, she opened it once more.

“Lisa is my favorite character of The Spirit Morph Saga,” Connie admitted. “The last book was supposed to come out later this year but I suppose that’s impossible now.”

“Can you read it to me?” Steven’s bottom lip dropped, imitating a sad puppy. “Pretty please?”

“Why?”

In a flash, his expression changed, lips stretching out to present her with his brilliant smile. “Because you make it sound so interesting!” He added softly, “Also, I like the sound of your voice. It’s nice. It reminds me of home.”

Home. Right. Connie closed her eyes, leaning forward. She breathed in the book’s faint scent. Nostalgia ached within her. How could it not? She had no idea how far away she was from Earth and had no way to get back. She thought about asking but…if Blue Diamond wouldn’t take her home, then why would Pink?

Besides, she couldn’t leave just yet. She still had things to do, namely, figuring out what the geo-weapon was and how to destroy it.

“Beach City is pretty far away from here,” she mumbled.

He sighed wistfully. “Yeah.”

“Okay,” she relented, placing the book on her lap as she turned to the first page. “I’ll read it, just this once. But you can’t say _anything_ , alright?”

His face shone in the artificial lights, expression brightening as Connie began. Admittedly, during the first few pages, she stumbled through the words, uncertain of how she sounded. She had never done this before outside of class. As she continued, however, the sentences and paragraphs turned to scenes and characters, the emotions and actions playing therein floating across Connie’s mind as she spoke them into being.

It was the first time in a long while that she felt comfortable.

It was the first time of many times she would read to him too.

* * *

The second month passed just as quickly as the first, though Connie didn’t notice at the time.

Instead, she’d preoccupied her time with recreations of the Spirit Morph Saga, which, admittedly, was pretty dang awesome.

Of course, they didn’t have access to the exact costumes and props, but Steven and Connie made do with what they did have, which was gem technology and Steven’s Pearl.

Connie shivered at the thought. Steven’s Pearl was…different than her peers. Whereas the pearls she’d seen were pretty and soft, his wore a cold unfeeling mask, her movements just as stiff as the doll-like appearance. No matter where they went she was nearby. Even now she watched them yards away, an unmoving, silent observer.

She wouldn’t let that ruin their fun though. Instead, she turned her attention elsewhere, namely, their Spirit Morph story.

Steven aligned all of her books next to each other, their props and costumes neatly organized into two separate folded stacks beside them. Connie bent down, shuffling through the fabrics for the perfect outfit. 

“Do you think the gems could recreate the Infinity Fair from book four?” She inquired.

Steven shook his head, adding, “I don’t think we have an infinite amount of gems to work with.”

“Well, what about half?” Connie frowned, rubbing her chin. “No, that would still be infinity. It doesn’t really matter I guess. It’s the characters who are the important part, right?”

“Oh! Oh!” He raised his hand. “I wanna be Archamicarus again!” He emphasized this desire by slipping on the bird cape Connie helped him make, the falcon’s badly drawn eyes making her giggle. Art, sadly, was not her gift.

“And I’ll be Lisa,” she remarked. Quickly, she fitted her makeshift costume parts to her person. Once she adjusted the sword at her belt, she turned her attention back to Steven. “We should think of what their last adventure should be like.”

“Maybe Archamicarus and Lisa get married,” he provided cheerfully.

“A bird and a human?” She laughed. “Don’t be silly, Steven. That would never work.”

“But they’re so kind to each other.” He frowned, brows crossed. “I just thought—”

She patted his back. He was so adorable sometimes. “It’s sweet, but we gotta think _big_. This is their last hurrah. Their ultimate battle.”

“Right, you’re exactly right.” He massaged his temples. “Big, huh? Let’s see…What about a battle against the boss of the secret society?”

Connie smiled, mind filling with wonderful ideas and scenes for them to act out. “Now that’s big.”

He snapped his fingers before pointing to her. “Don’t you know it.”

“Let’s make it even darker.” She rubbed her hands together gleefully. “Remember the behind the scenes mention of Archamicarus and Lisa’s dad?”

“Yeah?”

She couldn’t resist bobbing up and down on her heels in excitement, an act her mother used to chide her for as childish. “What if the boss of the secret society is Archamicarus’s father!” she blurted out. “And Archamicarus has to choose between following in his family’s footsteps or helping Lisa.”

“No, my greatest weakness! Family drama!” Steven bemoaned, shaking his fist jokingly.

Suddenly, his gaze traveled up to Connie’s, hand reaching out for hers. She hesitated, not used to holding people’s hands, but took it, her trust in him overriding any of her discomforts about the gesture. Though shorter in height, he was thicker in size, his hand nearly engulfing her own. It was soft and warm. Her body relaxed.

“I’m having a lot of fun,” he said fondly. “This is the funniest time I’ve had since—”

“Since you got here?” She half-joked.

“Yes,” he replied immediately, face suddenly serious.

Connie sighed. “Me too,” she admitted. “I just…I miss Earth so much, you know? Is there any way we could, you know, visit or something?”

The question came out of her lips before her mind could stop it.

His expression darkened. He dropped her hand. “Blue and Yellow won’t let me.”

“But have you tried?”

“I…” He gulped, skin paling as he whispered, “Once.”

That didn’t seem good. Her gaze flickered to the large diamond motif at the main doorway. All four diamonds were present, interlocking into one single one. What did they do to him to warrant such a reaction?

“What happened?” She asked.

He shivered. “Bad things.” He looked up from underneath his bangs, eyes pleading. “Can we go back to playing Spirit Morph Saga again? Please?”

The desperation in his voice nearly broke her heart. It drove in the fact that despite Steven’s position he was probably just as trapped as she was.

She took his shaking hands into her own, squeezing them protectively. “Of course. Anything you want.”

* * *

The third month gave her food for thought. She still kept up with the passage of time, though not as attentively as before. Steven kept her pretty busy all things considered. Every day was a new adventure, a new learning opportunity about this strange world she now lived in.

Gem glyph was becoming easier to learn under Steven’s encouragement and Pearl’s tutelage. She could read simple words and sentences now, picking up information from Steven’s own studies whenever she could.

And she liked to think she helped him too. Whenever Yellow berated him on his lack of knowledge or disinterest she was there for him, listening to his problems as he did hers. She was no step closer to learning about the geo-weapon but at least she understood more about gem society and their self-engrained roles.

Still, in spite of all the activities, she couldn’t help but think of home. Earth needed them. A ball of guilt had begun festering in her chest since Connie brought up the subject to Steven. How was she going to warn the Earth about the geo-weapon?

Was it…was it even possible if they could save them? Diamonds were supposed to be powerful. If they could destroy planets wouldn’t they also be able to save them?

Ugh! This was so frustrating! If only she could do something, anything!

But she couldn’t, she realized somberly. Connie was human. Her role, like the gems, was no longer hers to control. She was Pink Diamond’s property and the sting of that fact dampened her dreams of saving her home.

She sighed. Connie dashed the dark thoughts away, trying to focus on the present, namely their ongoing game.

She bit into the sandwich (well, as close to one could be a sandwich in this place), anticipation running through her veins. Sure, hide-and-go-seek was a childish game, but Steven was a kid, and, as much as Connie liked to think of herself as mature, she too enjoyed this game.

She’d settled into the thicket on the west side of the garden for a hiding spot, munching on the last of their afternoon snack. Once finished, she flapped her skirt, the crumbs flying off into the grass.

It was the perfect place to hide: not too shady that it would be an obvious place to look and not too open where Steven could easily find her.

Well, it _was_ the perfect place, until a certain gem showed up.

“He’ll get bored of you, you know?” A familiar voice remarked.

Connie jolted upwards, smacking her head against one of the lower branches. Releasing a soft hiss, she cast a cross look.

“Excuse me?” She added a furrowed brow to stress her annoyance.

Spinel cracked her neck from side to side. Drawing a ball from thin air (how? Just how?) she tossed it upwards. “Steven plays with the toys the Diamonds bring home for a while but sooner or later he grows bored, ya know?” The ball descended as she spoke the words. Seconds later, she caught it in her right hand, lips pulling into a smirk. “Slowly stops playing with them until that Pearl of his disposes of it.”

What was her problem? Ever since Connie had arrived Spinel had been hostile, disappearing with Steven into the garden at a moment’s notice, even when he and Connie were spending time together.

It would be a lie to say her words didn’t hurt. Of course Connie feared being thrown away. How could she not? Her entire life relied on Steven now. It was a strange mixture of relief and humiliation; relief that she didn’t have to search for food, shelter and companionship and humiliation that she had to ask him for things instead of doing it herself. She was used to having some independence now, being almost twelve, so having her entire life depended on this boy was jarring.

She swallowed back her fear, answering, “Steven won’t dispose of me. I’m his friend.”

Spinel’s smirk took on a bitter tone. As she juggled the ball she remarked, “No one is friends with a Diamond. They’re above both of us.”

“Maybe for you, but I’m different,” she insisted. “Steven and I are from Earth.”

“But you’re not on Earth anymore, now are you?” She pointed out.

That was true. On Earth, Steven and Connie might have been close to the same treatment among humans, but here, in space, the distance between them couldn’t be greater.

But…one could say the same about Spinel, couldn’t they?

Her eyes narrowed.

“Are you jealous?” Connie said.

“Me?” She barked a laugh, ball falling to the ground as she held her sides. “Jealous? How? I’m his best friend. He listens to me. I’ve known him for years. You haven’t.” She straightened her back, lording her height and size over Connie like a threat. “So don’t be surprised when he leaves you too.”

Tears blurred her vision. Connie tried to blink them away, not wanting Spinel to see how hard her words hit. Steven was…he was her first _real_ friend. Her best and only friend, now that she thought about it. Even though they had only known each other for a few months he had been her emotional rock in this strange place.

And maybe Spinel felt that way too. She flipped her hair back, making sure to wipe the water from her eyes with her forearm as she did so.

“You’re afraid,” she stated plainly, voice level.

Spinel crossed her arms. “What did you say?”

“You’re afraid of me,” she said, the realization coming to her as the words did. “And that’s why you don’t like me. You don’t want to be thrown away.” Her brows furrowed. “Spinel…did someone try to do that to you?”

Oh. She almost felt guilty at the sensation of satisfaction she got at getting beneath Spinel’s skin. Her expression twisted, lips pulled back to bare her teeth as her cocky mask slipped away.

She wanted to enjoy this win over the gem, but instead, her satisfaction turned to pity. Spinel was obviously hurt, if the watery angry gaze was any indication, and Connie’s words had been the proverbial ripping of the Band-Aid off the wound so to speak.

“Connie! Spinel!” Steven’s voice rang through the garden, footsteps coming closer. “Ready or not, here I come!”

Cold fingers wrapped around the back of her neck. Connie flinched.

“I could kill you here, you know,” Spinel whispered, voice heavy with emotion. “You fleshlings are all the same. One snap of your little neck and down the shoot you go.”

“You won’t,” she answered, surprised at how steady she sounded.

Spinel chuckled darkly. “Oh really?”

Connie may be young but she wasn’t stupid. She knew hurt. She knew rejection. And Spinel…she didn’t hate her. Spinel was a gem made to be a companion and whatever happened to her had obviously affected her deeply. Steven was just as much her friend as he was Connie’s, and he needed both of them.

“Yes.” She leaned forward, face inches from the other. “I’m sorry someone hurt you. You didn’t deserve it.”

There. Spinel’s features blanked, slack-jawed at her words. A moment later and the vulnerability had vanished, replaced with a closed pensive expression.

“Connie? Spinel? I know you’re out there!” Steven’s voice echoed through the garden. “You can’t hide from me! Pst, Pearl, did you see where they went? Like, a general direction is fine but—Oh! Thank you!”

“I’m done with this game,” Spinel said tiredly, disappearing into the thicket of rose bushes and trees.

Connie released the breath she’d been holding. The strength (or stupidity, as her mother would call it) flooded out from her chest, leaving her a shivering mess.

It had been a gamble. A heavy gamble. If she had spoken the wrong words or Spinel had been in a worse mood Connie would have—

She covered her mouth. A cold sweat broke across her brow.

A hand shot out from the greenery. She recoiled, only to recognize a moment later who owned it.

Steven’s grin spread from ear to ear, mischievous and bright. “Caught you!” He sang.

She nodded, too drained to say anything more.

* * *

Four months had flown by so quickly. It felt like only yesterday since Connie arrived in the garden.

She was…she wasn’t happy per se, but she was content. She could be herself, her real self, without any shame or embarrassment.

And she was learning so much too! She could understand the gem language much better now, and she even got to sit in on some of Steven’s lessons with Yellow. Of course, she couldn’t speak or ask questions during those, but whatever issues she had she addressed them to Steven or, if he didn’t know, to Pearl, who was surprisingly kind despite her monotone voice.

But even fun things could get boring without variety. Thus, when Steven invited her to a new place, she had jumped at the proposition.

Where would they go? Another planet? Somewhere else on the ship? She had been dying to leave the garden for a while, but every time she approached the subject with Steven he balked.

Why? Despite their friendship, Steven had barely revealed anything to her about his past. Sure, she knew he was from Earth and had been taken by the Diamonds, but who was with him? What sort of life did he live there? How did the Diamonds find him in the first place?

Steven’s lighthearted giggle drew her from these thoughts. Right, new place. Eagerness flowed through her. She opened her fingers slightly only to be stopped by Steven’s hands.

“There shall be no peeking here,” he reminded in Holly Blue’s accent.

“I’m not, I’m not!” She laughed. “Are we almost there?”

Even though she couldn’t see it she knew he was probably smirking. “That’s a secret.”

“No fair.”

They pressed on. Soon, the pristine flat ground was replaced with grass. Hmm, outside of the normal boundary then? She tried theorizing where they could possibly be. Were they near the Eastern Gate that lead to the Zooman Sanctuary or the Western one that lead to the docking station? Nowhere near the main gate for sure. Everything there was blindingly perfect; even the petals were all even on each flower, each stem sized identically as if they were all clones. Perhaps they were.

He patted her arm enthusiastically. “Okay, now open your eyes!”

She dropped her hands.

“This is—” Connie’s breath hitched.

Beautiful. Her jaw dropped. The artificial glow of the place casting a magical feel to the scenery matched only by the stars gleaming from beyond the transparent sphere that protected them.

And what a scene it was. Rose bushes of every color and even some she didn’t know of surrounded them, each different and special in their own way. It struck her that they were not the same ones that she had seen in the rest of the garden. These were different, with unusual shapes and sizes sprouting from every bud.

“Amazing right?” He circled around, arms outstretched. “I’ve been collecting them since I came here.” He approached one of the larger bushes. “This one is named Garnet, because she’s a dark reddish with little blue specks. See?” he rushed over to a smaller one. “And this bush is named Amethyst because she’s prickly sometimes, but when she blooms she’s this gorgeous purple color!”

Connie pressed her nose into one of the flowers, breathing in its calming scent. Steven carefully broke off one from the stem before placing it behind Connie’s ear.

Her heart thumped wildly; stomach fluttering up and down in a way she wasn’t sure about. What was this feeling? Hoping to switch her concentration elsewhere, she inquired, “So, you name your flowers?”

“Only the special ones,” he replied, looking at the flowers lovingly, stroking the leaves. “This is my secret garden. I’ve never let anyone else in, not even Pearl. It’s…It’s where I like to think. Alone. But you’re here now too, so if you ever want to be alone you can come here. I’ll tell you how to get here when we get back. But you can’t tell anyone.”

“It’s lovely. Thank you.” Her gaze turned back to the strange roses. “These don’t look like normal ones that I’ve seen back in the garden. Why are they so different?”

He broke out into a full-blown grin. “That’s because they’re mutations!” He exclaimed. “Blue doesn’t really understand why I like them so much, but I find them fascinating. Did you know the roses people think of on Earth are actually mutants themselves? I found that out from one of the books Pearl gave me.”

“I had no idea,” she answered, taking in the sight in a different light.

Five petaled roses were the most obvious mutants she’d noticed, but there were others too, some that had double heads and others that enlarged stamens and even multi-colored ones! And he took care of this garden all by himself? Color her impressed.

His smile quickly faded as he picked up one of the wilted flowers from the grassy floor. He sat down, plucking the petals from the fallen rose as he spoke. “Gems…they really value perfection, like, a lot. Especially the Diamonds. Blue and Yellow always expect the most from me, but sometimes, I don’t know, I’m not sure if I can live up to those expectations.”

“You don’t have to. You’re human too. No one is perfect,” she insisted.

His lips puckered sourly. “Ha, tell that to the other Diamonds.”

“It’s true. Flowers, humans, gems—nothing is entirely perfect,” she reasoned. “The universe is chaotic and messy and full of mutations and evolution.” Settling onto the grassy knoll alongside him, she took one of his hands into her own, squeezing it. “One could say, in a way, we’re all like roses.”

He blinked. “I…never thought about it that way.”

And that’s what Connie was here for, she realized. Steven needed someone in his corner who had his true interests at heart, who could give him the human perspective he so sorely lacked here. She could be his friend and advisor and—

Connie gave him a quick peck on the cheek. A friendship kiss. Nothing like, romantic, because kisses like that were full of complicated thoughts and feelings and, wow was it hot in here?

Steven touched his cheek, staring at her with a strange expression.

Oh gosh, she made it weird didn’t she? “Um, thank you,” she stammered.

“For what?”

“Showing me this. It’s nice. That’s why I kissed you on the cheek. It was a thank you and gah! I’m overthinking all this.”

He laughed. “It’s okay. Thank you, for the friendship kiss.”

She turned her attention back to the garden. She couldn’t dream of a place more gorgeous than this, even if she tried. It felt real, almost like home if she closed her eyes just right.

“I wish I could show it to my parents,” she whispered. “I’m sure they would like it.”

Steven sighed, “Yeah, me too.”

* * *

Connie started the fifth month with a new purpose.

Steven needed someone who wasn’t just Pink Diamond’s Pet. Therefore, Connie needed to be better. The question was: how?

She was never going to be the strongest or the fastest. A human lacked the physical prowess of even the smallest gem. She would never be able to retain information like a Pearl could, nor implement machinery and tech like a Peridot.

But she did have one advantage. While she couldn’t be a master of one particular skill like gem-kind she sure as heck could be a jack of all trades.

Which was why, when Steven brought up learning to fight when Connie expressed her desire to learn new things, she immediately took him up on the offer.

Now, it had been a surprise to hear who her intended tutor was, but that didn’t deter her from her desire to learn. She was eager to prove herself, prove to Steven and the rest of gemkind that she could be useful to him.

They approached the gem cautiously, Steven stepping out to ask, “Pearl! Pearl! Can you teach Connie to swordfight? She’s really good.”

Pearl glanced at Connie (or seemed to, it was hard to say with that mask). “A human?”

“Yeah, I know, but I’m super dedicated,” she insisted “I used to fight off a bunch of creeps with an umbrella back on Earth.”

Okay, it was _really_ only one and he was fairly inebriated all things considered, but Connie had knocked him on his butt before she fled in terror. That had to count for something.

“Plus, she defeated Spinel!” Steven added helpfully.

She shot him a thumbs up.

“Defeat?” Spinel called out, jumping down from the tree she’d been lounging in. “Please, all she did was back me into a tree branch during tag.”

Connie’s cheeks burned. Why was she trying to ruin this for them?

Pearl merely stared on, as still as ever. “I see.”

“If something dangerous ever comes along, I want to be able to protect Steven,” Connie insisted.

“That is what his subjects are for,” Pearl answered. 

Connie motioned her thumb towards her chest. “And am _I_ not one of his subjects?”

Spinel coughed, “Pets aren’t subjects.” But Connie ignored her.

“I want to be useful. I don’t…” She swallowed, fingers clenched into fists of determination. She had to get her point across! “I know my purpose here isn’t to just be some decoration. Steven is my friend. I want to be at his side, no matter what.”

“It is…an interesting proposition,” Pearl remarked, voice off from her normal monotone. Connie watched in eagerness as she turned to Steven, bowing mid-waist. “My Diamond, would you allow me the honor of teaching Connie to swordfight?”

Steven looked discomforted but nodded. “I…Um…Yes, please.”

“The garden isn’t the best place to fight but I suppose it will have to do.” She touched her gemstone at the top of her head. It flashed white, a pale pink sword emerging from inside. She gripped the handle then swung it in an arc so quickly Connie barely saw the blade. “What do you know about knights, Connie?”

She struggled to find her voice. This was the most animated she had seen Pearl _ever_. “They were like medieval soldiers, right? Protecting their kingdoms from danger?”

Pearl released an unusually lyrical laugh. It was so different from her normal monotone self. Connie found herself liking it. “Almost, but not quite. A knight was a person dedicated to a person or a cause,” she began to explain, motioning the sword in an intricate number of moves Connie so desperately wanted to learn now. “Bravery, selflessness, undying loyalty…I dedicated much of my life to such ideals. Will you do the same?”

“Yes.”

Yes, yes, yes. Her legs quivered, arms clumsily catching another sword Pearl withdrew from her gem. The blunted blade reflected her eager eyes.

This was exactly what she wanted.

No more Pet Connie. If she was a Knight, she could be of use. She could be at Steven’s side for real. Protect him from the Diamonds if she had to. Protect Earth.

It was a purpose. A true purpose.

She wanted it. More than anything.

“Keep your stance wide when using your sword,” Pearl instructed, guiding Connie’s feet with her blade.

“Yes, ma’am,” she answered.

“Now, before we begin, bow to your Diamond.”

Steven waved his arms sheepishly. “Oh no, she doesn’t have to—”

Connie did as instructed. As she kneeled, she sunk the blade into the grass, fingers clasping the hilt as she’d seen in those old fantasy movies. “My liege.”

“Ugh, you two make me sick.” Spinel snaked a hand around Steven’s shoulders, dragging him near her. “Let’s go play somewhere else.”

“B-but what if Connie gets hurt?” Steven stammered.

She lifted her head, catching Spinel’s gaze before landing on Steven’s. “Will you watch me?” She asked. “Both of you?”

Spinel’s eyes widened. She loosened her hold on Steven, who stepped forward, pulling Connie to her feet.

“We will.” He gave her a worried smile. “Promise you’ll be careful?”

“Of course.”

“Psh,” Spinel remarked, flopping onto the ground dramatically. “I guess we could watch for a little while.”

Connie nodded, rejoining her tutor. “I’m ready.”

Pearl raised her sword. “Then let’s begin.”

* * *

One would think after spending almost every waking moment together she would know his age by the sixth month. Sadly, between the learning the ins and outs of gem society, sword-fighting, and her own unsettling thoughts about her and the Earth’s future, finding out her friend’s birthday had not been on her list of priorities.

She stared, gobsmacked at the reveal. “Wait, you’re how old?”

“Thirteen and a half,” he answered, counting on his fingers. “I’ll be fourteen in August.”

“How can you be older than me?” She asked incredulously.

“Why do you care so much?”

“Well, I believed you were younger than me but you’re actually older and…I don’t know, it’s silly.” She crossed her arms, cheeks burning.

He always seemed to act and look younger than her, so she’d assumed—well, appearances with gems were pretty deceiving. Plus, he could also be a late bloomer. She knew boys matured later than girls logically, she just hadn’t considered Steven in that category.

“Connie,” he squeezed her hand. “Your thoughts aren’t silly. Please tell me.”

Her shoulders rose. “It’s just, I thought I knew you a whole bunch now.” She tucked back a wayward lock of hair. “What else haven’t you told me?”

He paused, expression clouded. His grip on her hand loosened. “There’s…a lot,” he admitted.

“Will you tell me?”

He looked away. “I don’t want you to hate me.”

“Steven, I’ll never hate you,” she stated. “You’re my best friend.”

Her Diamond.

Her purpose.

She could never hate him. If it wasn’t for him, she would still be on the streets of Earth, probably dead, just like—

No. Don’t think about it. Don’t think. Don’t think.

“You promise?” Steven whispered.

Connie motioned an ages-old gesture she’d seen other girls do back in Elementary school. “Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye—”

He stopped her, face white. “Please, don’t _ever_ do that.”

“It’s just a phrase, Steven.” She laughed. “It’s okay. I promise I’ll never hate you.”

He pulled away. Standing beneath the shaded grove of his secret garden, he answered shakily, “Everything happening on Earth…it’s because of me.”

Connie blanked. What?

A cold sweat broke out at her temper. Did that mean he had lied to her? No, Steven was just as trapped as she was, wasn’t he?

“I don’t understand.” She could almost taste the fear in her next words. “Did you…did you call on the invasion?”

“What? No!” He exclaimed. “It’s because of this stupid Diamond. My mom—she was really important to the Diamonds, but she loved Earth too, so I guess she wanted to live there and not go back.” His hands began to shake. “She wanted to be someone else, that’s why she pretended to be a Rose Quartz,” he explained. His breathing increased, eyes glassy. “Sometimes, I wonder if the reason she had me was because she wanted to be someone else, someone _new_.”

“Steven, I don’t blame you,” Connie insisted. It relieved her that he hadn’t lied, but the growing concern about his self-blame bothered her. How could he compare himself to his mother? He was different.

“But you should. I’m the reason Beach City got destroyed. I’m the reason the Crystal Gems are broken up. I’m the reason Garnet got shattered. I’m the reason my dad is…” He choked, tears streaming down his cheeks. “And now the Earth is going to be destroyed by some stupid geo-weapon and I feel so _useless_. I barely know how to use my powers and people are getting hurt because of me and—”

She took him into her arms. He always seemed bigger than life, a personality that lit up any room he entered and commanded everyone’s attention. But here, now, she was reminded of his vulnerability. His humanity.

Steven was just a much of a victim of this war as she was, if not more so.

How many loved ones did he lose? How much suffering had the Diamonds inflicted upon him? It was wrong. Steven didn’t deserve this kind of life. He deserved to be happy, to be himself, to be a regular boy.

He hiccupped. Connie began brushing his hair with her fingers like her mother used to do.

“Shush, it’s okay.” She whispered, rocking him gently. “I understand. Let it out.”

“It’s not fair,” he cried. “I barely even got to live with the Crystal Gems before they came. I wanna go home but home is gone and it hurts so much.”

“I know. I…” White noise invaded her mind. The truth loomed beneath the forefront of her subconscious. The lie she had so desperately clung to slipped from her fingers.

The images, the real images, not the fake ones her mind had created, flashed through her mind. Her parents screaming. A loud crash. Glass breaking. The smell of burnt flesh.

She was the lone survivor.

“My home is gone too,” she confessed.

There. She hadn’t noticed the tears running down her cheeks until Steven wiped them away with his rolled off gloves.

“I’m so sorry, Connie.”

Connie pressed her face against his shoulder. They clung to each other underneath the shade, two wayward souls. Between the warmth of his skin and their heartbeats, she began to relax, the tension in her body seeping out. Steven seemed to have calmed too, his features less strained than before.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, breaking the silence.

“A little better I guess,” he said into her shoulder. “Just drained.”

“We could run away, you know. Travel the galaxy and all,” she half-joked. She had long given up leaving the Garden without Steven now. Her place was here, protecting him. He needed her.

But if they could…

“That would be nice,” he said, pulling away. “But they’d find us. They _always_ will.”

“Thank you, for telling me all this.”

He laughed, lightly elbowing her. “I should be thanking you. You’re so kind and smart and just amazing.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re the amazing one! You practically light up a room with your energy and you are like, so confident and friendly. I wish I could be like that,” she replied.

“Are we going to have a compliment battle, Connie?” Steven challenged, “Because if so, I’m obviously going to win because you’re fantastic.”

“No way! You have literal magic!” She threw up her hands. “You can summon a shield and heal stuff!”

“And you’re so smart!” He got to his feet. “Like, it took me years to learn Gem Glyph but you picked it up in less than a year and I’m so proud of that!”

She rose too, pressing both her fingers to his chest. “I never would have learned that fast is someone super smart and awesome like you didn’t teach me!”

“Oh my stars and let’s talk about your sword-fighting because honestly, what?” He squished her cheeks together. His gem glowed, highlighting the curves of his face. “Why didn’t you tell me you were so talented with them? You’re a freaking natural!”

“Please, have you seen me? Pearl destroys me every chance we get. At least you can pick up the steps correctly.” She copied the gesture. “Your talent for music and dance is out of this world!”

“Dancing isn’t too hard.” He grabbed her arms, swinging around. “See? I’ll show you!”

“Steven you doufus!” She laughed. Their dance was clunky and disjointed, but Connie enjoyed it. In spite of the tears, in spite of their situation, Steven always seemed to make things better.

They swirled and twirled, the only music their thumping feet and beating hearts. When he lost his balance she caught him, laughing all the while.

"We're terrible. Absolutely terrible," she joked. 

“Aw, come on, Connie.” He smirked. “Why don’t you give this a fighting _dance_?”

“Seriously?” She nearly dropped him.

“Ah, fat _dance_ then?”

“You think you’re so _punny_ , don’t you?”

They broke out into giggles, shoulders shaking in tandem. This was so silly. How had they gotten into this mess?

They sighed, falling into the grass. Perhaps they should venture out of the garden again. For both their sakes.

Stars, they hadn’t felt like this in a long time. They opened their eyes, expecting the other to be at their side.

Except they weren’t.

“Steven? What happened?” They asked, panic growing. “Where are you?”

They looked around. Stepping forward, the noticed their gait was off. Looking down, realization for part of them set in.

“We…we fused,” they whispered excitedly. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe this.”

They did a small dance before the other side of them asked. “Wait, fused?”

“We’re a fusion. I mean, I know some gems can fuse but not different ones and not with humans!” They answered.

In a flash, they hurried to a nearby stream. They soaked in the reflective image, taking in the androgynous features. Connie’s long hair mixed with Steven’s pink had created a fluffy mane, framing Connie’s nose and Steven’s eyes perfectly. They were combined.

It was exhilarating, new, fascinating. They were—

“Look how tall we are,” they exclaimed, swinging around on their long limbs. Running up one of the hills, they did a cartwheel followed by two flips, landing on their feet at the end. Wow, flexible too. 

“This is amazing, this is—” They paused, a ball of fear settling in their chest. “We can’t tell anyone about this.”

One side pushed at the other for details. “Why not?” They asked themselves.

They shook their head. Blurry images of figures crossed their mind. “Because the Diamonds forbid fusion outside of same gems for work purposes and…” They swallowed, mouth dry. “Fusions that don’t follow the rules get shattered.”  
  


“Shattered?” They asked, brows crossing.

“They die.”

“Oh.”

A sharp jerk in their middle was her only warning before they unfused. Connie hit the ground with a sharp thump, wincing as her elbows endured most of the pain. Steven crawled over to her side.

“I’m sorry, Connie,” he said shamefully.

She grabbed his arm. “No, no, it’s okay. It was fun. I’ve never felt so, so—"

He looked up. “Confident?”

“Yeah.”

How to describe the feeling of being more than one person inside one head? Sure, it was strange, but to have someone else to talk to, to listen to, was thrilling.

“It was like being full after eating, but a good sort of full, you know?” Steven explained.

“Complete,” Connie added.

He scanned the area. When the coast was clear, he asked, “What if…what if we do this again?”

“But what about the Diamonds?”

He smiled, pressing a finger to his lips. “We’ll do it in secret. No one comes to this part of the garden except you and me anyways.” He wiggled his pinky in her direction. “Secret garden buddies?”

She grasped the pinky with her own. “Secret garden buddies.”

* * *

Connie stopped counting.

That wasn’t to say that she forgot though.

The more she learned about the geo-weapon (Or the Cluster, as Pearl termed it), the more her thoughts turned to saving the Earth.

Life in space made any questioning on the subject difficult however, as moments of free conversation she and Steven had decreased sharply as time went along, especially as his rule as Pink Diamond grew more apparent. Expectations were high. So too, was the stress.

Thus, when the topic of Earth’s impending demise returned, Connie pounced.

“But we have to save the Earth,” she stressed, shaking her fists. “Someone needs to warn them about the Cluster. Maybe they still have time to stop it.”

Steven sighed, arms folding tightly around himself. “It’s not so simple, Connie. The Cluster…I’m not sure how to stop it.”

“You’re a Diamond. Isn’t there some way you can convince the others to help?” She asked.

His eyes darted around. “I…maybe, but—”

“But what? Steven, you can’t be so indecisive,” she argued. “There are people dying because of this whole thing the Diamonds started. Every human we know will be dead unless we do something.”

His wounded expression stung, but she dug the proverbial knife deeper. Steven liked to fix things, be it his garden or problems between gems at court—if she got to that part of him, maybe they could make a difference. Maybe they could save what was left of their home.

“What if we can transport them to the Zoo?” He reasoned. “I could have it expanded to fit a bunch more people.”

Connie balanced both hands on her hips, unimpressed. “There are billions of people on Earth. How are you going to choose who lives and who dies?”

“I-I…”

“I’m not saying that’s not a good idea in the long run, but we have to be pragmatic about this. If we stop the Cluster and the war, maybe we can convince the Diamonds to make peace with the Earth too.”

“But what if I can’t? Even if we stop the Cluster it doesn’t mean that it will be stopped for good.” With a flick of his fingers a pink screen formed within the garden. The image of the Earth floated in front of them. “It just means we buy ourselves some time and who knows what will happen in the meantime if I can convince them. There’s always a cost when working with White.” He shuddered, running a hand through his curls. “Always.”

“I’ve never seen White before,” Connie remarked. She had seen the murals of the Diamond, but she remained largely elusive, her appearance only known to a few of her subjects.

“She’s the head of the Diamonds,” he said.

“What’s she like?” Connie inquired. “You’ve met her, right?”

His shoulders shook. Connie was about to reach out to comfort him, but he looked up, skin ashen. “Yes,” he replied in a strained manner. “She’s different. Very different.”

Did this relate to the ‘incident’ she had heard about long ago? Steven was still pretty tightlipped about his time prior to Connie’s arrival. She got a little more information out of Spinel and Pearl, but that only told her so much.

Her gaze returned to the screen. Fingers outstretched, she touched the hologram. The image wavered slightly but held.

Home. If the picture was as accurate as the others, they didn’t have much time.

“We have to save the Earth, Steven,” she stated.

He let out a bitter laugh. “You mean _I_ have to save the Earth.”

She wheeled back as if burned. It was true. And here she was, trying to manipulate him to do it. Connie swallowed back the bile developing at the end of her throat. “I apologize. You’re right.”

“Wait, no, I’m sorry. That came out wrong,” he grabbed his head, releasing a loud grown. “I just…I’m so scared of the future. I’ve barely scratched the surface of gem stuff. I mean, I can summon my shield and heal stuff now, but gem court? Colonization? Saving Earth? What if I fail? What if I destroy the earth by accident while trying to save it? What if—”

She pressed a finger to his lips. “I’ll learn more about gem stuff too. That way we can rely on each other in case the other doesn’t know. And I’ll learn how to fight better, like a real knight. I’ll be here with you, no matter what.”

He flushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “But what about returning to Earth? I know you want to leave.” His lips formed a sad smile. “I wish I could.”

Connie closed her eyes. She knew she hadn’t been subtle about her desires to return.

Several months ago she would have jumped at the chance to return. Earth was her home.

Now—

“If you promise to save to Earth,” she began, taking both his hands into her own, “then I’ll stay by your side.”

“Forever?”

She nodded, resigned to her self-imposed fate. “Forever,” she promised.

* * *

Bonus Comic by Ashidaii based on the dancing fusion scene from above. Go check out their stuff! Their art is fantastic!


	5. Concentrate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Connie continues to grow as a knight, she notices the ever-growing distance between her and Steven, as his role as Pink Diamond takes more and more of his time.

_Concentrate_   
_Don't you want him to live?_   
_Right foot; left foot._   
_Yes, but put your whole body into it._

* * *

She gripped the hilt of her blade.

The water was still, so flat and clear the surface mirrored her movements exactly. Unlike Earth, there was no wind to brush along the lake’s edges, no birds calling, no rustling trees full of nature’s critters. It was as if time itself had frozen.

But _she_ hadn’t.

Connie whipped around. Steel clashed against steel as Pearl slashed downwards. The lake’s mirror shattered as their feet carried them through the shallow water, a reminder of the dangers that lurked within the seemingly fragile garden.

Sweat trickled down her brow, the force of the blow nearly buckling her. Veering to the side, she brought the sword upwards to defend once more.

Her teacher knocked it to the side.

“Concentrate,” Pearl remarked coolly.

She nodded, though secretly she wanted to groan. How could she concentrate when Steven wasn’t here? Of course, she understood his responsibilities as a Diamond, but lately, it felt like he was avoiding her.

It wasn’t anything she had done, was it?

Pearl lunged forward like a viper.

Instinctively, Connie twisted sideways, jutting her blade to strike, only to find nothing but air.

She swerved. Right. Left. Right. She checked behind and above for good measure. It didn’t matter where she looked, however; Pearl was gone.

  
And standing in place was practically asking for an outright defeat.

Her teeth pulled at the inner walls of her cheek.

Steven would have cheered her up right about now. Told her what a good job she was doing, how much improvement she had shown over the past year and a half. He believed in her in a way she never could.

Everything she did she did for him now.

She tried to get in the mindset of her dearest friend. Connie _had_ gotten better. She was a natural, Steven and even Pearl had said so (no easy feat since the gem could be colder than ice at times).

Deep breath. Stance wide.

She could do this.

Balancing on the balls of her feet, she shot towards the tree-line. The open-air environment gave her too many openings for her teacher to exploit. But there was the risk of an ambush from that spot too, which meant she had to keep sharp.

Her braid bounced behind, a loose wavy thing that was more of a hindrance than a help at times. Maybe she should cut it off? Oh, but Steven liked her hair long. He used to be the one who braided it for her.

As she neared the closest tree, a whistling of air drew her back from the incoming swipe.

Connie flipped over the second attack, kicking outwards toward the gem. Pearl ducked as expected, putting a considerable amount of distance between them.

Despite the difference in skill level, Connie was beginning to understand how Pearl ticked. She was calculative, which meant she sometimes overthought her actions, giving Connie the rare opportunity to make a hit.

But she had to time it right. Crouching low, she arched her feet, elbows as close to her body as possible to prevent any openings. As Pearl liked to say, the best offense was the best defense and the only way to do both was to have the best strategy.

Or something along those lines. Pearl put out so many pearls of wisdom that Connie could write an entire book series on it. Not that she had time to do so with how much training and studying she did.

“Good intuition,” Pearl remarked, rocking on her heels. “But intuition will only get you so far. A knight is a trained fighter, looking at all angles of a fight. What do you see when you’re facing me, Connie?”

She paused, taken aback by the question. “Um, my sensei?”

“Wrong.” The eyes behind the mask narrowed. “Your enemy.”

Connie’s eyes widened as the gem repositioned her sword, legs lowering for what she predicted would be Pearl’s final blow.

It came fast. Swerving, she ducked underneath, striking upwards with a one and a million hit. She very nearly gasped when it hit its mark.

It was like the sound of porcelain shattering.

The mask veered off into the grass. Her trainer cradled her face.

Connie launched into a series of apologies. “Oh my gosh, Pearl, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have hit you like that. Are you okay? Is everything—"

She moved before Connie to defend. With a flick of her wrist, she had the teen disarmed and on her back.

Connie coughed as she struggled to regain the air that just got knocked out of her. As much as she enjoyed her lessons, she did not enjoy the pain associated with them.

A mixture of emotions bubbled within her. Shock, confusion, before finally settling on anger. As she opened her mouth, Pearl silenced her with a softly placed finger.

“Never lay down your sword in the middle of a fight. An enemy will take advantage of your kindness if you do,” she spoke softly.

Up close, Connie couldn’t help but stare. She had never seen the woman without a mask.

The image was striking, to say the least.

Like all Pearls, she was dainty, doll-like in features, with a long pointed nose that complimented her colorful blue eyes. And what a blue they were. The only thing that took away from the woman’s face was the cracks that ran from the center of her gem to the bottom of her face, running diagonally through her eye like a piece of broken glass. It was haunting and beautiful and stars would Connie give anything to find out who Pearl truly was and how she had come to be this way.

Pearl must have noticed her staring for she immediately recovered her fallen mask, placing it back on once more. “My apologies.”

“No, it’s fine. You’re fine, I mean. I didn’t mean to stare,” she stammered.

Pearl straightened, wiping the dirt off her form. “It’s quite alright, Connie. I am used to it.”

“I don’t mind, you know,” she mumbled, looking up at her mentor. “You look fine. It doesn’t change how much I admire you.”

She stared down at Connie.

Connie blushed. Did she say something wrong? Oh god, did Pearl not think she sounded sincere? Darn it, where was Steven when she needed him.

A small chuckle arose from Pearl’s mouth. It was some of the most emotion Connie had seen from the gem. “I know, Connie. I know.”

Connie nodded before bringing up her right hand, wiping the spittle from her lips with its back. The cloth on top of it soaked it in well enough. She eyed the material. The wrappings helped with the blisters, but they couldn’t hide the callouses that she’d gained over the past year.

“You were struggling today,” the gem remarked as she returned her sword into her gem.

After catching her breath, Connie answered, “It was a hard fight.”

Pearl balanced her fingers together in a firm steeple, body erect with annoyance, or at least Connie perceived it as such. She’d learned a lot about the subtle movements the other made to convey her emotions. “Don’t lie,” Pearl chided softly. “Something is distracting you.”

“Sorry,” Connie said sheepishly. “I just…” She ducked her head. “How’s Steven been lately?”

“My Diamond is performing his duties,” she replied. Taking a few steps away, she bent down, picking up Connie’s weapon before returning it to her.

“Right, sorry I asked,” she mumbled.

Pearl paused. She gazed at Connie for what felt like an eternity. Finally, she tapped the air in front of her, a pink screen grew into existence from her touch. She gave Connie another long look before asking, “Would you like to visit him?”

The girl quickly rose to her feet, completely caught off guard by the other’s words. “Can I? Really?”

It was frustrating, not being able to communicate with anyone outside the Gardens. Steven had only recently started leaving them himself, much to her chagrin. What if he got hurt?

She wanted to sigh. If only he could take her with him to those places.

“I will message him,” Pearl announced. Gem glyph ran across the screen at a pace Connie’s eyes could not follow. As she began to type in a message, Connie’s mind couldn’t help but sink back into the thoughts from earlier.

Steven. It was hard to get him off her mind now. Since taking up sword training she had devoted herself being as useful to him as possible. Picking up gem slang from the Amethysts, learning how the Kindergarten system worked, which weapons worked best against which kinds of gemstones, how politics on both the colonies and homeworld worked and how they differed—everything was for him.

Because he was all that she had left really.

“He has agreed to meet you in the Main Gardens,” Pearl announced.

Yes! Connie grinned, returning her sword into its scabbard then handing it off to her sensei. “Thanks, Pearl.”

Though she took the blade from her protégé’s hands, the gem’s shoulders rolled back in discomfort. A moment later, she released a tired sigh.

“Connie, there’s something I should—” Pearl started before pulling away, slowly walking back to the shaded line of trees. “No, nevermind. It’s nothing.”

Brows raised, Connie edged forward. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Pearl said, back to her previous monotone voice. “As you were.”

“Right.” She bowed mid-waist, arms crossing into a shape she knew by heart now. “Thank you for your tutelage today.”

She swore the gem was smiling under her mask. She returned the gesture. “Anything for my Diamond.”

Connie couldn’t wait a moment longer. She zipped off, eager to meet with her friend once more.

She didn’t see Pearl’s lingering stare at her back, nor the shake of her head as she disappeared into the trees.

Perhaps if she had she could have prepared herself better.

But Connie was anything but patient these days.

* * *

Her heart leaped as soon as she caught sight of him. Laughing giddily, she threw herself into his arms.

A bit childish, yes, but it was a ritual of theirs now and one Connie not so secretly adored. Though shorter than her, he cared her well enough, eyes alight with an emotion that mirrored her own.

“Steven!” She buried her nose into his hair a moment, inhaling the rose scent. It was comforting, familiar, like the smell of antiseptic off her mother’s clothes when she came home from work. Her shoulders relaxed. As she pulled away she remarked playfully, “Where in the galaxy have you been? I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“Oh, you know, here and there,” he laughed, lowering her back to the ground. “And I haven’t been gone that long. It’s only been a few days.”

“I still missed you.”

“Me too,” he said, though his smile dropped some. “Come on. Let’s go to the garden. There’s something I want to show you.” He tugged on her hand, leading her down a path she now knew by heart.

How many times had they come here? Too many to count, she thought warmly, her gaze traveling down the slowly changing route. The pristine floors changed to grass as the bushes of roses began to turn wild, no longer properly cut and maintained. She wondered how, out of all the places in the garden, this one was left alone, but then, Steven was Pink Diamond. He very likely ordered it.

Or the Amethysts were just lazy. Honestly, the latter wouldn’t surprise her if it were true.

“What have you been up to?” She asked along the way.

“Not much. Blue keeps trying to mother me one second then disappears the next, which can get kind of frustrating. I mean, I’m fourteen. I’m pretty sure I can handle myself by now,” he half-grumbled, half-sighed. “She’s acting like she’s my mother.”

Connie’s fingers tightened. The words fell out of her lips without meaning to. “Sounds nice.”

She didn’t mean for them to sound so bitter, so longing.

His eyes widened. In a flash he was holding both her hands, concern heavy in his gaze.

“Oh Connie, I-I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.”

Her cheeks burned. Of all the times to open her stupid mouth. She had spoken about her loss to Steven more than once, how it affected her, how she dealt with it—well, how she was able to stifle the emotions at least. Pearl had been a big help in that area.

But she didn’t need to download her sadness onto Steven. He was just trying to vent. He needed her to be his knight and a knight didn’t make her liege feel guilty.

“No, it’s alright. I just got my personal feelings mixed up,” she tried to placate, giving the boy’s shoulders a firm squeeze. “You don’t need to feel sorry. I know what pressure you’re under.”

“But that doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid, Connie.” He rested his forehead to her shoulder. “You’re important to me.”

Connie’s stomach warmed at the words, her body feeling strangely light and fluttery. “You’re important to me too,” she replied, resting her chin on his head. “Sorry, we should get going, right?”

He shot back, face nearly as pink as his hair. “Right, right. Of course.” He coughed into his hand as they continued forward. “Where was I? Oh yeah! Blue isn’t the only Diamond who has been keeping me busy. Yellow keeps pestering me to start a new colony, as if it’s something I have to do.” His lips took on a bitter smile. “Mom had to literally beg for one, so I guess my disinterest unnerves them.”

“You should do what you want to do,” she provided.

Steven merely smiled, adding with a nervous laugh, “Stars, I wish things were that simple.”

Connie frowned. Why couldn’t they be? Even though Steven was trapped in his role, he was still one of the four Diamonds. Surely they would allow him to refuse a colony.

But, considering how things have been up to now, maybe that was easier said than done.

It was hard sometimes, how alien yet familiar gem culture was. Gems were so set in their roles that deviation was practically a sin.

She tried to reach out her hand. “Steven, I—”

“And here we are!” He interrupted, eyes alight with delight. “Come on! I’ve got a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” She blinked as he ran over to one of the bushes.

“Yep.” Without a moment’s breath, he picked up the gift, carefully placing it between her hands. “Ta-da!”

For a second Connie’s brows furrowed, perplexed at how the small blue flower was a surprise. She had seen hundreds of blue flowers in the garden after all. But slowly, barely perceptible to the untrained eye, it began to glow, faint, but enough that Connie’s jaw dropped.

Aliens and magical technology aside, magical glowing flowers were pretty darn awesome.

It was like book 3 of Unfamiliar Familiar, with the shining lilies of Avalon, except those were actually an illusion made by the one-eyed man and—okay, her inner fangirl was getting off track.

“What is it? I’ve never seen any flower like it before,” she remarked.

“It’s a Connie,” he explained.

She tilted her head, thinking she’d heard wrong. “Huh?”

“I named the plant after you,” he said. “Well, that’s what I’ve been calling them anyways. Flowers have become sort of popular on Homeworld recently. I think it’s because I gave Blue some last time she came and it spread from there? Anyways, I thought I’d try my hand at creating my own. Yellow gave me some Peridots for the Zoo and one of them has been helping me with all the gene stuff.”

“You genetically modified a plant?” She gaped. “That’s awesome.”

She really hoped Steven let her go over the Peridot’s research notes. This was amazing! Humans had been doing genetic modification of plants for you but the gems doing it? It made her wonder what they could create.

“That’s not even the best part.” He giggled, rushing back over to the bushes to pull out a second one. “Hold that one to your ear.”

She did as so. “Like this?”

“Testing, testing, one, two, three,” the flower said in tandem with Steven.

She nearly jumped in glee.

“Oh my gosh, they’re like walkie talkies!” She exclaimed.

“Exactly! I haven’t shown them to anyone else. I wanted you to have this one.” He brushed a stray lock behind his ear. “That way, if we’re ever apart, we can still keep in contact.”

“Apart?” She asked.

He placed the flower back on the ground. “You know, hypothetically.”

“Right,” she said, brows forming a soft v.

“They reminded me of you,” he stated cheerfully, bumping shoulders with her.

“How so?”

“Because they’re just as resilient and pretty as you are.”

“You’re such a flatterer.” She brought him into a tight hug. “Come here!”

The fusion was near-instantaneous. Warmth filled their being, their heart beating as one. They soaked in Connie and Steven’s enthusiasm, not dwelling on Connie’s slight confusion or Steven’s nervousness. No, instead, they just relaxed amongst their secret garden, happy to be with each other once more after so long.

They didn’t know how long it would be until next time.

* * *

Hollowness struck her being so hard she couldn’t breathe. The bitter words barely finished falling from Spinel’s lips when she sprinted away, body reacting faster than her mind could.

_No, no, no,_ she inwardly chanted.

There must be some mistake.

She ignored the surprised Amethysts as she left the garden. She ignored the yelling Agate who demanded that she stop. She ignored everything but her goal. Because to stop was to admit the truth of the matter.

And Connie wasn’t ready for that.

Her feet carried her down the narrow hallway. It was different than how she’d imagined it. The decorated pink interior was in stark contrast to the simplistic whites that lined the garden’s walls and floors, embellished with gem motifs and murals.

Her arms pumped wildly, heart racing as she turned a sharp left. This was the first time she’d been out of the garden. Any other day and she would have been thrilled. Ecstatic even.

But not today.

She was lucky the doors were open when she arrived. She nearly stumbled as she took in the view.

The flooring was split between two diamond-shaped platforms. Below and above, marble-structures floated aimlessly, emphasizing the large distance between the two grounds. The rest of the room was empty, bare, as if someone hadn’t ever quite finished constructing it, leaving the area halfway through.

It doesn’t take her long to find him.

“It’s not true. It can’t be,” she said, lungs burning as she tried to catch her breath. “Tell me it’s not.”

Several expressions crossed his features: surprise, fear, sadness. It finally rests on guilt.

Her blood ran cold.

He answered, “Connie, I—”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She interrupted.

Was she that weak? Had she clung to him so much that he now wanted to push her away?

What had happened that he didn’t trust her enough to tell her about this? Her stomach flip-flopped, nausea rolling up the back of her mouth.

Steven looked down at his hands. “I wasn’t sure what to say.”

“How long have you known?”

His silence confirmed her fears.

Since yesterday? Since this week? Since the last visit to their garden?

“Pearl said you were leaving but I didn’t want to believe it.” She ducked her head before asking, “Is she going with you?”

“Yes. I tried to reason with her but…Diamond must always have a Pearl attendant,” he spoke the last words with a hint of bitterness.

Water gathered at her eyes. How could this happen? She tried to analyze all the moments they’d had together. Had she not done enough to prove herself as a Knight?

“Is Spinel going too?”

“No, she’s staying here,” Steven replied softly.

It wasn’t fair. Connie’s hands twisted into fists.

First her parents. Now Steven. What else did she have to lose?

“So you’re leaving both of us,” she accused.

“I promise I’ll be back. I just…” He paused, brows crossing. “There are things on Homeworld I have to deal with.” His face paled before settling into a look of determination—no, resignation. “ _People_ , I have to deal with. But I promise it’s for the Earth’s own good. For _your_ own good.”

“What?”

How? How could it be for her own good if he was leaving her here? What was a Knight to do without her liege?

“Don’t you get it, Connie? The Diamonds don’t care about Earth, about humans. The Cluster, the war—this is all some twisted form of revenge for them.” He caught her gaze and held it. “But I can stop all of it.”

He stepped back to the edge of the platform. The scent of roses was her only warning before he threw up his bubble.

Her hands touched the side. She pressed down. It wouldn’t budge.

“Steven?”

He pressed his cheek to the other side. He tried to smile, but the tears got in the way. “I get it now. I’m the only one who can stop what she started.”

“Don’t you dare,” she cried. Her fists pounded against the surface. Pain jolted down her limbs from the force of it. “We were supposed to do this together!”

“I have to do this. For the Earth. For you.”

She fell to her knees as her world was flipped for a second time.

The world grew silent, static forming at the back of her mind. Never had she dreamed that things could end up this way. That they would be separated.

She frantically searched his face, hoping against hope for a better answer. Anything but this.

Her fingers dug into her dress. “Don’t leave me. _Please_ ,” she begged, feeling like the lost little eleven-year-old that couldn’t accept her parents’ deaths. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Water trailed down his face. He quickly wiped it away, putting on a fake smile that hurt even more than the tears. “It’ll only be a little while. In exchange for Earth’s future, I just need to spend a little time on Homeworld.”

“Steven, no, please.” She tried to find a reason for him not to go. “You hate that place. It won’t be safe for you there.”

He looked away, dark eyes hidden beneath permanently pink hair.

She wasn’t stupid. She had heard the stories whispered amongst the Amethysts and Agites who patrolled the garden. She had seen it in Pearl and Spinel’s faces when the topic came up. One of the Diamonds hurt him, nearly broke him. If it wasn’t for the garden she wasn’t sure how Steven would have been able to put up with his current existence.

So then, why was he going back to it in the first place?

“Sometimes,” he began, “We have to make sacrifices we don’t want to make.”

She pressed her forehead against the wall. “Isn’t there any other way? Can’t we just go to Earth and stop the Cluster ourselves? Can’t we—”

The doors on the other side of the room opened.

Their time was up.

Connie’s breath caught in her throat as the newcomers made themselves known.

The first cast a look at them carefully, coldly analyzing their interaction with an inhuman acuteness.

“Pink, how much longer are you going to play with your little human?” The gem Connie had come to know as Yellow Diamond remarked disdainfully. “We have a schedule.”

“Oh, leave her be, Yellow. You know how much those creatures mean to her,” Blue Diamond chided.

The Diamonds. Connie shot up from the floor, carefully balancing herself on unsteady legs as she fixed her hands into the proper salute. A cold sweat broke out from her temple.

While no gem, even she could feel their presence, their power, their being. They were rulers for a reason and it showed.

“Why not just let her take it with then? Would save us all the trouble,” Yellow answered, motioning her hand as she spoke.

“No,” Steven said, his voice suddenly firm and authoritative. Connie couldn’t help but look at the teen in shock. “Connie’s not coming. I don’t…” He paused before looking up at the other Diamonds. “I don’t want her to be there if another accident happens.”

And just like that, the previous tension dissipated. Though she barely knew the Diamonds, she could see how badly Steven’s words affected them.

Whereas Yellow covered her mouth, Blue was openly paralyzed with sadness, her skin nearly as pale as her hair. The stench of shame clench to the room.

Yellow seemed to be able to brush it off first, clicking her heels sharply before waving her hand at the Pearl below her to leave.

“I see. Come along then,” she sighed, turning towards the doors.

The bubble began to rise from the floor, slowly floating towards the other side of the room.

“Take care of yourself,” Steven said.

She nodded. “Only if you do too. Promise me you’ll come back.” She struggled to restrain the hiccups developing in her chest. “Promise me you’ll use the Connie.”

A soft genuine smile crossed his lips. “I will.”

Yes, it would be okay. Sure, it hurt like hell, but they had communication still. It would be like a long-distance relationship. They could do it.

Right?

Right.

“And, and, just you wait,” she added, wanting to have the last words. “I’ll proper knight by then.” She pumped her fists, trying to appear strong. Confident. So unlike how she felt right now. “I’ll be the best knight there ever was. Your knight. I promise.”

She watched him disappear into the Blue Diamond’s awaiting hands.

She watched as the door slammed shut behind.

She watched the ship left the docking station.

And then she wept.

For a knight without a liege was not a knight at all.


	6. Everything you have, everything you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Connie trains to become a knight, new obstacles and gems remind her of her mission. But will all her hard work be enough to become her Diamond's Knight?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own Steven Universe or any of its characters. 
> 
> Hi! Oh my gosh, thank ya'll for so many reviews, kudos, and bookmarks. Also the fanart has been amazing. Like, wow. The amount of amazing artists in this fandom is insane! Thank you to all the artists who have made works. You guys are seriously the best. 
> 
> I'll try and get another chapter or two done next month. If you would like to check out my other art for this fanfic and other aus, check out my instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tunafishprincess/ 
> 
> Thank you for all the support. I hope you enjoy the newest chapter! :D

E _verything you have, everything you are_  
 _You've got to give_

* * *

Connie sighed.

Her fingers combed through her dark locks. Every so often she found a tangle which she teased out with steady digits and a good brush. It wasn’t easy. Steven used to do it for her, but since he left—

She reached for the blade.

To say she was in a funk would be the understatement of the century. Her purpose was gone. Try as she might to improve herself, her heart just wasn’t in it.

Everything reminded her of him. The scent of roses as she passed through the gardens, the taste of strawberries from the small patch they’d planted on his birthday, now ripe and ready to be eaten, the unbearable pink diamonds that decorated every doorway—she hated it.

She took a deep breath. Don’t think. Don’t feel. Lips pulled into a straight line as she gathered it all together into a makeshift ponytail.

Her sword trembled.

How many years had she spent growing this hair? So many memories were attached to these locks.

All her childhood she had grown up with long hair. It was just the thing to do. Her parents liked it, Steven liked it, and for a while, she did too. But now?

The blade inched closer.

She needed to make a change. Steven was _gone_. She promised him she would be a proper knight when he got back.

And proper knights didn’t mope when their lieges were away. Because moping led to thoughts about Steven then thoughts about the Earth and her parents and—

She bit down on her bottom lip as she set the sharpened side to her first layer. This was it. She refused to cry as they were hacked off.

Inch by inch, pieces fell away, landing in small clumps on the grass. Her heart pounded into her eardrums, making the sounds of her hair against steel terrifyingly loud. Was she making a mistake?

Her gaze met the reflective side of her blade. A new person stared back.

She cringed. Yikes, it was ugly. She should have gotten scissors. A Carnelian could have cut this better. 

Her shoulders sagged.

A feverish heat rose to her cheeks. Okay, fine, it wasn’t her best work, that much was obvious. Some parts were longer than the others. Had her hair always been this curly? She ran a hand through them, unused to the lightweight of it all.

But it was finished. She shrugged off the remaining loose ends.

Her back straightened. _It_ was done. _She_ was done.

So, what did that mean in the long run?

She wrapped her fingers around the pommel of her weapon. Practice. She needed to practice. She needed to show her worth to the other gems. To Steven.

The question was, how?

* * *

_Fire everywhere._

_Her parent’s screams echoed through her ears, calling for her, blaming her for not saving them. Soon, they were joined by others, all accusing her of falling her mission._

_The flames licked at her skin._

No!

She gasped, awake, terrified and shivering.

It took her a few moments to get her bearings straight. Sweat clung to her feverish skin, reminding her of the suffocating nightmare she had.

Rolling over, she turned her head to the side, counting the blades of grass as her mind began to wake up. Soon it would be morning, or what she perceived to be morning. Not that it mattered. The days passed differently now. Ever since—

She shook her head.

Her fingers trembled, aching for her weapon.

Over and over she awoke, ate and trained until she passed out, not wanting to risk thinking, to risk hurting again. She didn’t dare count the days, weeks, and months anymore. No, she couldn’t. Not yet. Not when the feelings were still fresh.

Her only respite from the cloud hanging over her heart was the small conversations she and Steven had over the flower. The Connie. Her heart warmed at the thought, if only for a moment.

Confusion settled into the pit of her stomach. Every time she thought about him it brought up a surge of emotions.

A small sliver of her hated him. He had become her entire life, her center, her raison d’être, and now that he was gone it was as if a void had taken its place.

He left her behind. Tears threatened to escape but she banished them away. No, she was done crying. She was tired of hurting.

So where did that leave them?

An excellent question. Their conversations had been largely superficial, exchanges of pleasantries and simple day to day events, though Connie knew he wasn’t telling her everything.

She wondered how things were on Homeworld. She had only seen images. The hacked piece of gem technology she sported could only do so much. Most information regarding the gem’s native planet was guarded, earning the ire and intrigue of every gem that lived elsewhere. Connie just wanted to see Steven again. How much longer would he be away?

She wouldn’t have noticed the passage of time if it weren’t for the changes.

Her approaching womanhood terrified her. Hormones tore through her body, leaving her even more embarrassed and alone than ever before. She knew, logically, that this was normal, and tried to adjust as easily as possible, but emotionally, she was a total and complete wreck.

Not that time hadn’t affected her friend either. Though she couldn’t see him right now (Steven felt the risk of prying eyes was too great there), she noted his maturing voice. The changing highs and lows, the way his chuckle had deepened, the cute but apparent vocal breaking—he was growing up, slowly but surely.

Both of them were.

Connie’s gaze lifted upwards. The stars greeted her, reminding her that even if she was changing, they were constant, immortal in comparison to someone like her. Much like the gems really.

Her fingers dug into the ground. No matter how trapped she was, how psychologically conflicted she was, her desire to be a knight persisted like a dull ache.

Childish though it might be, she promised. If Steven was going to save Earth with the Diamonds, then she needed to up her game. Train harder, faster, stronger. She needed to make him trust her with his safety.

But who would train with her?

She rose to her feet. Quickly, she started her morning stretches. The bending and pulling of her limbs brought a rush of thoughts to the surface. She cycled through them, hoping for some answer to her predicament. 

A knight may protect her liege, but that didn’t mean she could neglect her other duties, namely, treating with her allies.

Good thing she could leave the garden now ( _with or without Steven’s express permission. Not that he could stop her_ ). It took a month or two, but she had slowly but surely won over the Amethysts. Not that hard considering how friendly they were.

Plus, it didn’t hurt they liked to fight either. They didn’t pull their punches, which meant Connie had to switch her style up, going for harder, heavier attacks versus the quick light ones she’d been conditioned to do.

Still, while the Amethysts were fun and liked to battle, they lacked the preciseness of her teacher. They weren’t very good at advice either. There were a few Jaspers and Carnelians around, but none of them had spoken to her before, so she doubted they would be interested in sparing, let alone teaching their diamond’s pet human.

Her mind traveled to the weeks after Steven’s departure when she’d approached Holly Blue. The experience left more than a bitter taste in her mouth.

Connie had been desperate. Long distance training could only go so far. Pearl was busy with her own duties after all. She could remember the gem’s surprise, followed by the smug smile, eyes half-lidded with barely concealed disgust.

“Teach you? Oh dear, I’m afraid I’m quite above your level, little one,” she replied, eyes returning to her screen like Connie didn’t matter.

“A sparring partner then,” Connie said, though she had already begun regretting asking by then. Still, she persevered.

“Oh no, no, no. I couldn’t possibly hurt one of my Diamonds’s precious little creatures,” she replied. Right as she walked away she patted Connie’s head. “Run along now, won’t you?”

Ugh!

Connie ground her teeth in remembrance.

And yet, it had oddly motivated her.

She wasn’t a gem, she would never be, but what if she won their respect? She already had the Amethysts. If she could beat Holly Blue or one of the other higher ups, then wouldn’t she be qualified enough to protect Steven officially?

It had to be.

Which left only one other person who could come close to being her new sparring partner and trainer.

Her attention locked on the shaded part of the garden. Her feet moved to her mind’s will. Ever since Steven had left the gardening had grown laxer. While the main areas were still cared for, the corners and deeper parts of the mile-long room had become wild with weeds and untamed flowerbeds.

Leaves crunched beneath her feet as she arrived at her location.

Thankfully ( _or sadly, in this case_ ), the gem was in the same part of the garden as the time Steven had left her.

At least she wasn’t frozen in place anymore. That had been unnerving when she first found the gem there.

Now, her form had slumped over one of the fountains, staring into the running water with a look Connie could relate to. The tear-marks contrasted the paleness of her features. It reminded Connie of the porcelain clown dolls her grandmother used to collect, placed behind glass from the reach of everyone but the owner.

Connie’s fingers clenched together. She approached carefully. Her feet must have given her away for the gem noticed her presence immediately, releasing a soft growl.

“What do you want?” She drawled, voice dripping with bitterness Connie knew too well.

“I could ask you the same question.” She stepped closer. “You’ve been here for some time,” she mentioned offhandedly. “Maybe it’s time for a change in scenery?”  
  


“Ha, ha, ha. _Some_ time.” Her lips pull into an ugly smile. The tear stains grew larger as her pupils dilated. “This is nothing compared to before.”

She blinked. “Before?”

A hand grabbed the back of her neck. Connie tried not to flinch. She inwardly cursed herself for not noticing the Spinel’s other arm, snaking around the fountain to reach for her.

This was dangerous territory.

But Connie knew that going in.

Behind the fierceness of the other’s eyes, a vulnerability clung to the corners, etched between the shape of her brows. Spinel could kill her. But she won’t. Not today.

She took a seat on the fountain’s edge. Gently, she covered the hand holding her neck with her own.

“Why are you here, human?” Spinel reiterated.

“I need a trainer,” she stated, capturing the gem’s gaze and holding it. “I need to become a Knight, and I can’t do that with the level I’m at now.”

Spinel cracked her neck from side to side, a fearsome sneer overtaking her lips. “Ha! Looking to replace me with Pearl, is that it? How original.”

“It’s not like that,” she responded earnestly, “Spinel, I—”

“I used to hate you,” she interrupted. In a flash she released Connie’s neck, swirling the limb around the fountain’s figure instead. The statue was tall and imposing, but there was a kindness in her lips and form, a humor in her puffy sleeves and hair that reminded Connie of the boy she served.

Her eyes traveled to the figure’s middle.

Spinel lifted upwards, curling around the base of the statue like a cat. Once settled, her gaze found Connie’s.

[ _Instagram Link_ ](https://www.instagram.com/p/B9QONmeJTy1/)

“It was our garden,” she stated, voice an octave higher. “A new garden, but bigger and better. A special world, built just for us. Little Stevie was so lonely and sad on Homeworld, but not here. Not here.” She looked down at Connie, the anger returning. “Why didn’t he bring me along? Why did s _he_ abandon me? I thought…aren’t we best friends? Did I ever matter to her?”

Who was her? Did she mean—Connie sighed. It made sense, she supposed, that Spinel knew Steven’s mother.

“Steven’s not like that,” she replied. “He left us here for a reason.” She gripped her hands together, hoping she sounded as confident as her words. “He didn’t want us to go to Homeworld with him and I think…” She turned her head. “I think you know why.”

Spinel froze. Only her hands moved, twitching and twerking, unable to hide her tumultuous thoughts.

“Tell me what happened, Spinel,” Connie said.

“I don’t have to tell you anything,” she retorted. “You’re just his pet.”

She leaned over, eyes pleading. “Please.”

They stared at each other for a few moments. Finally, Spinel relented, body seeming to deflate as she explained, “I don’t know all the details. I came after the whole mess with the Diamonds. Spent the last couple thousand years on a floating rock and see what it does to ya.” She barked a harsh laugh before her expression died, mouth narrowing as she continued. “White did something to Steven, broke him a bit, and Blue and Yellow went searching for ways to fix him. I guess…I guess they thought somehow I could? Ha, ha, it’s kind of funny really. It was luck they found me there. One second I was still playing that stupid game and the next…I won’t lie. I came apart when I found out Pink didn’t remember anything, about our game, about me…But I picked myself back up, because my feelings didn’t matter—”

Connie grabbed the gem’s hand, giving it a tight squeeze. “But they do, Spinel.”

Spinel released a groan. She pushed her away.

“Geez Louise, you really don’t get it, do you? Us gems are made for a purpose. And me? I was made to be Pink’s entertainment! Her best friend.” She jumped from the fountain to the grass, swirling around on one foot like a skater. “Want to do something fun? Watch Spinel juggle! Feeling down? Go play with your Spinel. Need encouragement? Spinel can do that for you.” She stopped spinning. “But Steven…even though he was in pain, he comforted me, like I was somebody _important_. He laughed at my puns. He encouraged me. And we were close.” Her hands drew into fists as her brows clenched together. “ _So_ close. He told me everything. We were the best of friends.”

Connie’s throat bobbed. She could hear her heart hammer against her chest, the emotions she’d been trying to contain trying to force their way out. She already thought about Steven enough. She couldn’t place her feelings about his departure on Spinel. Not now.

“I understand what you mean,” she finally answered.

Spinel jerked forward, neck cracking as she looked at Connie from a sideways glare. “But then you came.”

“What?”

“Everything was stable until you came.” She rolled her eyes at Connie’s sour expression. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. It’s true. Suddenly he took an interest in his role as a Diamond. Wanted to save the Earth and all that jazz.” She gestured her hand wildly into the air. “It’s like you flipped a switch in him. Before he just wanted to play games all day and have fun but once he met you he wanted more. It felt like he was moving away, fading away, you know?”

She did. Her memories of Earth, of her parents, were already fading away. What did her father sound like again? Her mother?

But that didn’t mean she lost her experiences with them. Her love for them. And as much as it hurt to think about them, she promised herself she would never forget them. Ever.

“Spinel,” she began. “He’s not fading away from you. People change. Gems change too. Steven and I have changed. No one is the same person they were yesterday. Can you say you’re the same person you were thousands of years ago?”

Spinel slinked over to Connie’s side. Out of her wrist appeared a ball. She tossed it into the air, almost but not quite catching it as it fell. She released a soft chuckle before answering, “No. I wish I was though. Everyone liked _that_ Spinel better.”

Connie lightly squeezed the gem’s shoulder. “Well, I like the current Spinel. I think she’s a good friend.”

Spinel blinked.

Connie almost didn’t catch her next move.

Like a sun rising into the morning sky, her eyes lightened. A soft, barely perceptible smile broke across her face, warming Connie’s heart.

And then it was gone, snuffed out by weariness and suspicion. Still, Spinel wasn’t moving away. Instead, she shuffled closer, sitting side to side with her. 

“You do?” She asked in a cautious tone.

“The very best,” Connie confirmed.

And just like that, the scene broke. Spinel grabbed her arm then tipped backward, dragging both of them into the fountain.

Connie sputtered as the cold water hit her back, drenching her from head to toe. “What the heck, Spinel?”

Spinel laughed deeply. Holding her sides, she pointed at Connie with a Cheshire cat smile. “God, you’re such a sap. You and him both.”

Connie’s lips puckered in displeasure. That only served to make the gem laugh harder.

“Okay, okay,” Spinel said, giggles dying down. “Enough of this sad fest. You want a trainer?” She jerked her thumb to her chest. “Look no further. I’ll whip your sorry butt into shape in no time.”

It was Connie’s time to grin. “Really?”

“What, you think I’ll take back my—” She didn’t finish her sentence. Connie wrapped her arms around the gem, excitement and anticipation flooding her being. Yes!

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she chanted.

“Ugh, stop with the hugging and the crying,” Spinel said, though she didn’t remove the girl.

Connie swore to herself that she wouldn’t ruin this.

She couldn’t.

And she wouldn’t.

* * *

Someone was in the garden.

The hairs on the back of her neck stood. Connie scooped the area.

Her mind immediately fell into sync with her body: secure the perimeter, find the enemy, strike before they can.

A soft rustle of leaves caught her attention. Training had heightened her senses considerably. Spinel was no slouch in surprise attacks after all.

But Spinel wasn’t this sloppy. She bent down, picking up the broken branch along the stone pathway. She held up its leaves to the artificial lighting, examining the veins for clues.

Her brows lifted. This type of branch belonged to a tree on the northern side of the garden, near one of the smaller gates.

It wasn’t the only evidence either. Like a bloodhound, Connie followed the trail of debris.

Her heartbeat quickened as the path diverged from the main road, into the one she had walked every day since he left.

Could it be?

Her pace increased. Beneath the mask of concentration, hope began to sprout.

It had been so long since their last call. Every day passed left her uncertain, fearful of her friend’s situation. But what if he was home again? What if he was here to surprise her?

Her heart fluttered at the thought. In her mind’s eye, she imagined him waiting in their secret place, all soft edges and warm smiles. A face somewhere between a boy and a man, but still shorter than her, still sweet and in need of his knight. And she would be that for him. His protector.

Right after she knocked him sideways for leaving her behind.

Fleeing giddy, she broke out into a run. As she approached the entrance, the shadow of a figure loomed just beyond.

“You’re back!” She yelled, running into the person with her arms outstretched.

“Huh?” A decidedly not-Steven voice answered as they rolled onto the grass.

Connie froze. A purple face glared up at her.

Oh stars. Connie wanted to disappear. She resisted the urge to hold her face and hide in a corner (as old Connie would have), instead brushing off her pants and standing at attention, back so straight it nearly popped.

“My apologies, I thought you were someone else,” Connie stated in a professional manner, analyzing the mysterious newcomer.

The coloring and face spoke Quartz, but her size said otherwise. How strange. Most Quartz soldiers were a tall stocky bunch. Was there some type she didn’t know about? No, that couldn’t be right. Connie knew every kind of gem and their intended purpose (she had studied with Steven after all). Her height, or rather, lack thereof, wasn’t the only thing odd about the gem. While most of her was some shade of purple, the ends of her short hair were a faded brown. It wasn’t a natural look either. Was it dyed? Could gems dye their hair?

Connie cocked her head to the side. Her eyes narrowed as she continued her analysis.

She was…familiar. Eerily familiar. But why?

Through the haze of old memories, her mind began to carefully puzzle out the gem before her. Large dark eyes, small stature, unusual dress—Connie’s eyes widened.

She’d heard the stories. She’d seen the faded picture Steven kept, safely tucked inside the clothes he’d brought with him.

Oh.

Oh, oh, oh!

She knew who this was.

“You’re Amethyst,” she exclaimed.

Of course! She hadn’t thought the gem was alive, not from how Steven told the story. How did she get to the Zoo? And for that matter, into the garden?

“Yep, that’s me,” the gem chuckled nervously. “I’m an Amethyst.”

Connie shook her head, waving her hands around excitedly. Steven would flip if he knew. “No, I mean, you’re _Amethyst_.”

“Uh, yeah, that’s what I said, kid.” She gave Connie a once-over before setting her attention beyond, back towards the direction of the main entrance. Her feet began to move in the opposite direction, away from Connie. “Listen, I gotta get back to work before the others come back. Think you could—"

“He told me about you,” she interjected.

Amethyst stopped. Her face lost its nervous edge, replaced with a look of pure shock. She struggled to find her voice. “Is he here?”

“No. Homeworld has him right now. But he’ll be back.” She added in a hopeful tone, “He promised.”

The gem nodded. She examined Connie with a different gaze this time.

“You know me,” she stated in a matter-of-fact manner.

Connie gave a half-shrug. “Sort of.”

Amethyst placed both hands behind her head, giving the area a nonchalant look. “Is Pearl here?”

“She’s with Steven,” Connie replied. “But we talk from time to time.”

Not as often as she’d like, but it was enough. She critiqued the videos Connie sent of herself training, giving pointers and detailed notes on what she was doing wrong. It wasn’t the same as having her there of course, but it was enough, or so she told herself.

“I see.” Amethyst laughed dryly. “Ha. Wow. I’m such an idiot.”

After a deep groan, she dropped to the ground, legs kicked out in front of her. Connie joined.

“How did you get here?” She inquired.

“Jumped on a dropship. Stowed away until I got here. Took forever, especially after all the crazy stuff that’s been happening on Earth.” She gestured in the air before reaching back to scratch her neck. “But I’m here. I guess.” She paused. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come.”

A million thoughts raced through Connie’s head.

“Earth? What’s happening? Did the Cluster emerge?” She asked. “How are the humans? What happened to the governments? How is the war going? When—"

“Woah, woah. Too many questions, bud,” Amethyst said. Her brow lifted. “Also, the Clust-what?”

“The Geoweapon. It was supposed to destroy the Earth when it emerged. Did…did Steven stop it?” She crossed her arms, fingers digging into the skin.

Amethyst brought her legs closer to her chest. “Heck if I know. I’ve been out of the loop on everything. But do you expect with an overcooked quartz, right?” She motioned above herself, a fake smile at her lips. “Everything goes over my head. Ha, ha, ha. Get it? Over my head?”

“I get it.”

She leaned closer, one hand cupping her cheek. “But it wasn’t very funny, was it? Geez, can’t even make jokes funny anymore. What’s the Universe come to?”

“No, it was funny,” Connie insisted, grabbing the gem’s hand. “I just—”

She pulled away. In a half a second she was on her feet, wiping the grass from her outfit. “You thought I was Steven, right?”

Her cheeks burned. What a Knight she was. How could she be so obvious? Another thing she needed to work on.

“Yeah,” she confessed.

She gave a heavy pat to Connie’s back, nearly knocking her flat. “You really miss him. You must have been his friend all this time, huh?”

She coughed as she nodded. “For some of it, yes.”

Amethyst grinned genuinely. “Good. Glad he’s got someone to support him.” Her lips thinned. “He’ll need it.”

Connie was about to ask more about Earth, but the gem’s expression shifted. She began to walk away as if to leave her.

Not wanting to be left behind, Connie scrambled to her feet, reaching out for Amethyst’s wrist. “Wait! Where are you going?”

“Steven wasn’t the only reason I came,” she explained, rolling her shoulders. “Besides, if the little dude has survived this long he can survive a little longer.”

“Please. Stay. He misses you. I know he’ll be overjoyed to find out you’re still alive.”

She remembered his stories about them. About her. It was one of the highlights of her time with Steven. The way he told them made her feel like she was there, amongst mysterious magical women with interesting personalities. He hadn’t been living with them for long, but he loved them.

And they loved him. Even now, she saw how much Steven meant to Amethyst. If she could unite them, maybe he would feel better. Maybe…

Maybe then he would come home.

“Aw, that would be nice. But I can’t stay any longer than I already have. I gotta get back home.” She jerked her thumb backward. “Dummies to hit, towns to save, nuclear bombs to defuse, you know, regular weekday stuff. It’s all I have now.”

Connie frowned. What? “Nuclear—”

Amethyst pressed an index to her lips. “Kidding, kidding! It’s fine. I’m a Crystal Gem. I can handle it.”

But if she had Connie, maybe it would be better?

Her hands ached to fight, to protect, to do something other than training.

She was tired of sitting around.

“Isn’t there anything I can do?” She asked.

Connie could fight. She could win. She knows she can.

So why wouldn’t anyone let her prove it?

“Hmm, tell Steven I said hi whenever he gets back,” Amethyst answered. “As for Pearl…tell her I found both of them.” Her gaze sharpened. “No, _all_ of them. She knows where to find me.”

Connie’s shoulders lowered in defeat. It wasn’t what she wanted, but it was something at least.

Stubbornly, she assisted the gem to one of the more secluded doors. Along the way, she told her about the facilities, where best to hide from the guards and the quickest route to the docking bay.

The gem took in the information as best she could, repeating Connie’s words so as to memorize it. Stars, Connie hoped she didn’t come across as a motor-mouth.

She touched the entrance pad. It lit up, recognizing her instantly.

“Amethyst,” she called out as the door opened.

The Quartz in question stopped, already halfway through. “Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Connie stressed. “I promise to tell them.” She placed a hand to her heart. “I _won’t_ fail you.”

“Sheesh, stop it with the heavy stuff.” She turned away, waving for one last time. “Stay cool, kid.”

The entrance clicked shut. Connie closed her eyes, the tension in her body bleeding out of her.

No more delaying the inevitable.

She needed to make a stand.

It was time to put her plan into action.

* * *

Connie inhaled the chilly air of the arena. The temperature was lower than she would have liked, but it wasn’t like it was made for humans in mind.

Where once it had been used by the Amethysts and Jaspers for storage, it was now converted into a training arena, allowing Quartzes, Rubies and other gems to test their mettle against each other.

It didn’t take long for Connie to join the ranks. That had been the easy part.

The convincing Holly Blue part? Not so much. Connie had to hand it to Spinel. She knew how to buddy up to people. Much more than Connie anyway.

Her fingers slid down the end of the pommel to the top, finding the best place to old the familiar blade. It had taken blood, sweat, and tears to get to this point. Her calluses had calluses. Soreness clung to her frame, testing her arms and legs as she circled her opponent.

Agates primarily relied on long-distance attacks, preferring whips and lances to the gauntlets and swords the Quartzes preferred. They were just as overconfident in their abilities as Amethysts.

Holly Blue was no different. She even expounded said trait with a mocking bow, teasing the crowd with a crack of her whip.

The buzzer resounded.

Connie switched positions.

She imagined Pearl beside her, guiding her hands to the proper hold, her feet poised to move at a moment’s notice. She was elegant. She was graceful.

And she refused to lose.

Holly Blue’s smug smile faded as Connie struck first.

“Don’t underestimate me,” she stated as she swung her sword through the air in a complicated maneuver. The crowd cheered.

It was a shallow hit, but Holly backed off, trying to put distance between them.

Good.

With a burst of energy, she drove forward.

Right. Left. Center. She held her blade like a needle, trying to make the gem yield, or better, puff.

The gem countered with a snap of her whip, looping around her blade and yanking it from her grasp.

  
“Is that all you can do?” Holly Blue jeered.

A feral grin spread across her face. “On the contrary!” She retorted, pulling out her secret weapon.

The pommel glowed. Connie flicked her wrist, holding it aloft. A pink diamond appeared on the guard, the glow intensifying in turn. From the handle a pink sword grew, at first as small as a thorn before quickly blossoming into a blade.

“Thank you, Pearl,” she whispered, marveling at it even though she had been using it since a week prior. It felt molded to her hand. Light enough to swing but heavy enough to do a lot of damage. Perfectly weighted to her and only her.

It was a dream of a weapon. Crafted with a purpose she hoped to fulfill.

_Magic sword fighter_ , her inner child screamed.

And that too.

Connie rolled her neck, tension releasing from the motion. Like a lioness, she crouched low, the balls of her feet up. A second later she bounded off the ground, evading Holly’s rapid-fire lashes with ease.

Flipping back to avoid the other’s increasingly frantic attack, she evaluated the scene and smiled. Holly was slipping. Her displeasure only invigorated the young Knight. This time when the loop came down she stayed in place, letting the rope hit the area meters away.

Connie could see the shock pass over the gem’s face before it was replaced with anger. “What the—”

“You missed,” she remarked, then added, “Is that all you can do?”

“For the final time, I suggest you stand down, human,” she hissed. “Else I hurt you.”

“Speak for yourself,” she retorted, cutting her next attack in two.

Oh. She could almost see the steam seethe out from Holly’s head. She would not forget this.

“That’s it. You want a fight? I’ll give you a fight,” she stated, summoning two whips from her gem. “This is unacceptable. You. Are. Unacceptable.”

Connie tried to avoid the next attack but earned a sharp slice against her sword hand. The pain jolted her, throbbing up and down the limb in a way that made her want to scream.

Red dripped onto white.

Humiliation filled her. She could have easily avoided that. Any other day, she would have been able to.

But she had allowed Holly Blue to bother her. Allowed her to affect her emotions, her mindset, her battle strategy.

She breathed. In. Out. In. Steadied herself. The roar of the crowd faded away. Now it was only her and her opponent.

All her training had led her to this point. No more playing around.

In a flash, Connie leaped into action. She intermixed Pearl’s footwork with Spinel’s unpredictable dodges, becoming ever closer to the desperate Agate. She tried to whip from both sides but Connie saw the move coming, flipping midair, her sword carrying the momentum of the action.

She landed beneath the gem, the tip of her blade inches away from Holly’s chin.

Connie cocked her head to the side. “Why so blue, Holly Blue?”

“You little brat, I—” She squeaked as Connie drove the blade up another inch.

“Drop your weapons.”

Holly Blue begrudgingly complied. The whips evaporated before they hit the ground, returned to her gem.

The corners of her eyes grew hazy. Connie tried to refocus, but found a dizzying sensation at the back of her mind. Wetness clung to her pantleg.

The wound was more serious than she thought.

Connie couldn’t stop however. Even if she was close to fainting. She had to win. “It’s over. You lost. Forfeit the match,” she ordered.

“You think you’ve won?” She started, body shaking, though in fear or in rage Connie couldn’t say. “Ha! I served the Diamonds for thousands of years. I’ve shouldered this wreck of a site for eons, and you think you can defeat me? A little thing like you?” Holly Blue’s eyes darted, her hand reaching for the back of her head. Connie’s eyes widened. “I’ll show you what it truly means to be a gem, you insignificant life—”

“You should have accepted your defeat, Holly Blue,” another voice remarked.

Connie blinked. The sound of the audience had disappeared, replaced with dead silence.

Her gaze fell to them. Each and every one stood at attention, arms crossed in the ever-present and familiar symbol.

Even Holly did so, backing away until her back hit the wall. “I-I’m sorry. Please, forgive me, I—”

Several things happened at once. A large Jasper appeared in her line of vision. She didn’t even cast a glance at Connie, picking up Holly Blue as though she weighed nothing. She twisted around to salute the person just beyond her sight.

Connie’s breathing grew labored.

“She’ll be dealt with accordingly, my Diamond,” the Jasper announced. With a click of her boots, she left the arena, followed by the rest of the Quartzes who had come to watch the fight.

Her blade dropped to the ground.

No.

No, it couldn’t be.

“W-who?” She croaked, turning around on shaky legs.

“Did you miss me?” He asked.

Oh Stars.

It was hard. The dream of the young boyish prince she had come to adore clashed with the teen before her. The round cheeks had narrowed and lengthened, the rest of him following suit. Where once he was nearly a head shorter he now stood taller than most of the Quartzes. But that wasn’t what shocked her the most.

A jagged scar ran down his eye, cutting through the eyebrow down to his cheeks. Along the way, a diamond-shaped iris surrounded in pink captured her own.

Despite the drastic changes, she knew him. How could she not?

“Steven,” she whispered.

Emotion welled up within her, followed by another and another. How long had it been since he left? A year? A year and a half? She didn’t know. What should she say? What should she do?

The questions assaulted her, one after another. Her feet shuffled closer.

She was afraid to reach out. What if this was all a dream?

Connie tried to raise her hand, but flinched as the movement made the injury on her arm flare up.

Before she could say a word he was at her side. Her eyes widened. So fast. How had he—

He reached for her damaged limb.

“You’re bleeding.” His features darkened. “She hurt you.”

No duh, she wanted to say. Without another word he pushed up the sleeve. Connie blanched. It was worse than she thought. The adrenaline had kept it at bay, but seeing the wound made her want to throw up. Steven didn’t pause. He pressed a soft kiss to the worst of the site.

This wasn’t the first time he’d healed her wounds. Somehow though, it felt completely different. Heat pulsated through the area. Was it supposed to affect her face too? The sensation of his lips against her skin was painfully obvious. She watched in interest as the injury closed up, faster than he’d ever done before. Not even a scar. Alas, it didn’t put a stop to the lightheadedness from increasing.

The blood loss and adrenaline had taken a number on her. She leaned against him for support. He accepted the action, pulling her close into a hug.

Part of her wanted to reject him. Let him feel what she felt all these months, no, more than a year!

And yet…she didn’t. She couldn’t ignore the paleness of his face or the sallowness of his cheeks.

She didn’t want him to let go. Not again. Never again.

She rested her head against his shoulder. “I…I have so many questions. You haven’t used the flower in months. Do you know how worried I was? How angry? I thought,” she hiccupped, water gathering in her eyes. “I thought you were never coming back.”

He began drawing his fingers through her hair, just like he used to do. “It’s okay, Connie. I’m here now.”

“You promise?”

He hugged her tighter. “I’m not going anywhere.”

She closed her eyes, leaning onto him more as exhaustion claimed her. “This conversation isn’t over.”

He gave her a tired smile. “I know.”

* * *

****Art Credit to Celestial Alpacaron who did the beautiful Spinel picture above. Here is a link to their[tumblr ](https://celestialalpacaron.tumblr.com/)and their [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/celestial_alpacaron/?hl=en). Please follow them! Celestial is super sweet and a very talented artist with a very cool Spinel au. ****


	7. On the Battlefield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because Steven is back doesn't mean things are over. Connie takes drastic measures to attain her position.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own Steven Universe or any of its characters. 
> 
> Wow! You guys are awesome! Thank you so much for all the lovely comments, kudos, and bookmarks. Big thanks to Abel Quartz and Hadithi for beta reading and giving me some structured feedback. I really appreciate it. Ya'll are awesome.
> 
> Check out my instagram tunafishprincess for more art for the au. I hope you enjoy the chapter! :D

_On the battlefield_   
_When everything is chaos_   
_And you have nothing but the way you feel_   
_Your strategy and a sword_   
_You just think about the life you'll have together after the war_

* * *

The return to their old routine was jarring, to say the least.

His nimble fingers made quick work of her tight braid, undoing an hour of hard work within seconds. She shivered as the locks came loose, falling down her back. It had grown significantly since she last cut it. How long ago was that now?

Time was a strange thing. Before, when Steven left, it felt as if everything was moving at light-speed, her mind trapped in a cycle of future goals. Now, hours passed at a snail’s pace. Days were an eternity.

And it was all because of him.

Her back seized up when his breath brushed against her bangs. It was warm. Too warm.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yep! Yes, everything is fine. Really fine. It’s totally fine.” She answered quickly, the heat at the pit of her stomach growing. Her heart rate climbed as he leaned to untangle some of the knots that had formed at the base.

Connie wanted to scream. Stars, what was wrong with her? Why was her body acting like this?

One thing was for sure: Steven wasn’t helping the situation whatsoever. In fact, he was part of the problem.

No matter where she went he followed, watching her every move.

_Not that she wasn’t doing the same_ , her inner self reminded.

It was a never-ending dance, offset by the new reality of their situation. Steven had secured himself in his position as a Diamond, while Connie…well, she didn’t know what she was yet. She knew what she wanted to be, however. The issue was getting to that.

Steven was…different. Not a bad difference though. He was still the sweet self-sacrificing doufus he always was, that would never change, but there was now a melancholic air to him. He was more serious about his position too. Whereas before he seemed to sink into the ground during discussions about gem politics now he floated across them with ease, able to quell fights within minutes. Connie envied that. He had become so eloquent in speech and cadence, while she had flagged in that respect. She was so used to talking with the Amethysts and Spinel, their dry self-deprecating humor rubbing off on her vocabulary.

Not that Steven cared how she sounded. He never once rebuked her.

It left her uneased. His appearance, his actions, his words—The tight emotions she’d kept close to her chest always threatened to come loose when around him.

He picked off one of the nearby flowers from its stem. Licking his thumb, he gently pressed it to the spot, a new one blooming in its place. It never ceased to amaze her, how fast his powers had grown in such a short period of time.

“Here,” he said, placing it behind her ear. Connie froze up. His fingers glanced off her ear, the area growing hot from the contact. He was close, really close, close enough that the scent of roses permeated from him in a way she couldn’t describe.

She looked up. She was unused to doing that. Part of her missed his smallness.

He stared down at her.

“Connie?” He asked, brushing her bangs back with his index. Oh. She’d been so absorbed in her thoughts she’d forgotten to speak. “Are you sure? You look pale. Let’s get you something to eat.”

“I…” She swallowed, feeling feverish. Finally, she relented. “Okay.”

He was up on his feet within seconds, holding his hand out like the stupid gentleman that he was. She should be doing that, not him, she thought. Knights were supposed to aid their Lieges, not the other way around.

She placed her hand into his own. His fingers and palm had grown so much longer since she’d last seen him, now encasing her hand completely in a soft embrace.

Her legs wobbled. It seemed like everything they did made her feel out of sorts.

The moment she got up she separated from him, arms behind her straightened back as she had seen Pearl do millions of times. She needed to appear stoic, capable; she needed to show him her capacity as a knight, not some damsel. “Where to next, my Diamond?”

Steven didn’t take well to the gesture or her question. There were prominent lines between his brows, gaze downcast at her with a mixture of concern and confusion.

He bit down on his lip. “Did I do something to bother you?”

A question that had a million answers. Connie blinked, trying to think of what to say.

“No…Well, yes but…” She sighed, grabbing her forehead as no small words could accurately convey how she was. She settled with, “It’s complicated.”

How to unravel her feelings of anger and sadness at his departure from her joy and relief at his return? Not to mention the weird emotions developing in her gut. Heart palpitations, butterflies, the desire to constantly be both as close to him and as far away from his as possible. It could only be—

“Would you like to talk about it?” He inquired softly.

The words come out before her mind could process them. “Yeah, just…Let me gather my thoughts.”

“Of course.” He grabbed her hand, pulling her along. “Let’s start heading to the other side of the Garden. We can talk along the way.” He scratched the back of his neck, head turned away. “Maybe you can eat something there too.”

The first few minutes of the walk were in silence. It was a slow, steady pace, likely because Steven was trying to match her own. He leaned down slightly, eyes shifting from the path and back to her every few minutes. His grip was firm and steady.

Connie struggled to maintain a consistent pace. Her mind was preoccupied, cycling through the recent events, trying to make sense of what she experienced. Everything had changed so much.

She almost didn’t recognize the place she called home these past few days. Steven’s return had heralded new life into the Garden. It was as though all the flora were reacting to his presence. Perhaps they were. Steven seemed to have that effect with gems too. Even now, the gardener gems watched with interest, pausing in intervals as their Diamond and his human passed through.

As her heart began to match the beat of her footsteps, she organized what she wanted to say, what she had always wanted to voice.

“I’m still angry at you,” she began as they turned a corner. “For leaving.”

He nodded, gaze turned upwards. “I know. You have every right to be.”

Her hands turned to fists, brows turning inward as her voice grew louder. “Why did you do it then? I thought we were a team.”

“I was afraid.” He closed his eyes. “The Diamonds…they’re not like me. They’re not like anyone I’ve ever known. I was terrified of what they would do if you came along.”

“I don’t need you protecting me. I am capable, Steven. Just let me prove it to you,” she insisted, removing her hand from his.

He threw her a half-lidded look. “Like you were with that Agite?”

She almost paused mid-step. His tone was cool, composed, and completely unlike his normal voice. Still, she continued to walk, not letting his change get to her. He was challenging her. Connie was used to challenges. She had overcome worse.

“I defeated her,” she countered.

He drew closer, arms brushing against her own. “At the cost of nearly killing yourself,” he said, a touch of sourness in his voice.

“Oh? And What was I supposed to do? Forfeit the match?” She challenged as she lifted a brow.

He threw a hand into the air in what Connie perceived to be exasperation. “Or not fight at all? You’re safe here. Why throw yourself into danger when you don’t have to?”

“Ah, so throwing yourself to the Diamonds was safe then? Good to know,” she remarked dryly.

His shoulders sagged, stance shifting inward.

“That was different,” he mumbled, crossing his arms.

“Is it? Steven, you left, and I’m not going to lie to you; it hurt. A lot.” She swallowed, willing the tears at the corner of her eyes. Not now. She couldn’t fall apart when she was trying to convince him of her abilities. “Then you stopped communicating for months on end and now, suddenly, you’re back and trying to act like everything’s normal?” She breathed, she had to, otherwise, she would cry and she refused to do so. She had already shed more than she’d ever wanted to in a lifetime. I…I came apart because you left.” She grasped the fabric of her pants. “I cut my hair, I trained until my fingers bled, and right now you’re telling me not to do what I’ve dedicated myself to? Do you understand how demeaning that feels?”

How dare he. Did he not understand the sacrifices she had made? Everything she did she did for him. Why couldn’t he see that?

“I’m sorry. I…I hated leaving you. I didn’t want to leave you. I was terrified of losing you like the others.” He reached for her hand. She allowed him to take it. “I don’t want to demean you, I just don’t want you to get hurt. I’ve seen so many people, gem and humans alike, get hurt in this stupid war. I’m sorry, and I no words might not make up for it, but I…I just wanted things to be better. I thought if I removed myself you would be safe.” He stopped, releasing a deep sigh. “But I realize it was stupid now. Back then I thought I could fix everything…” His lips pulled upwards into a bittersweet smile. “We can’t go back to that normalcy anymore, can we?”

She shook her head. “No. All we can do now is move forward.”

He nodded once more, though he looked to be more lost than ever. Connie took both his hands into her own, facing him on fully. His eyes widened, a pink blush rising to his cheeks. 

“Will you stay with me?” He added in a quieter voice. “I promise I won’t leave again.”

She almost melted at his expression. There was so much vulnerability there.

“I’ll hold you to it.” She squeezed his hands to emphasize her words.

His expression brightened, eyes shifting to a new topic of conversation. Connie couldn’t blame him. While things weren’t completely resolved, she felt better. Things were out in the open, for better or worse.

“Is that the strawberry patch?” He noted, lips pulling back into a genuine grin. “I can’t believe it’s grown so much!”

“I’ve been tending to it. Or trying to at least. One of the Peridots has been helping me keep it healthy,” she admitted. Connie liked to think she’d done a good portion of the work.

Well, she was good moral support at least. And now knew more about plant biology than anything she’d learned in school.

He grinned, eyes sparkling in recognition. “Has she now? I always knew Peridot would like Earth things.”

Without warning, he swung her around, holding onto her hands tightly as he circled like they were kids again. Connie squawked before her shock turned to a litany of giggles.

“I missed this,” he said, depositing her on the grass.

“Me too.” She picked a few from a nearby patch, gesturing her hand towards him. “Would you like one?”

“Oh, no.” He waved his hands, eyes cast at the red fruits. “I don’t really eat much these days.”

Connie paused, contemplating his answer before settling on her own. “I see. Oh! What’s that in your hair?”

“Huh?”

“Here, come closer and I’ll fix it,” she said as she motioned him closer.

He bent down at the waist. Her hands made a cursory brush across his bangs.

“Oh than—” He couldn’t even finish his sentence.

She pressed the fruit between his lips.

For a moment he froze, then, slowly he began to chew on it, swallowing it soon after.

“That was devious, Connie.”

“Exactly.” She crossed her arms. “If I can make Mr. Diamond Grumpypants eat his fruits then shouldn’t that make me qualified enough to be his official protector?”

He threw her a less than impressed look at her reasoning.

She smirked, placing another into his mouth before he could protest.

* * *

She was surprised at Spinel’s reluctance in her escape. Normally she loved when Connie broke the rules.

“You’re insane,” the gem stated at the Garden’s exit. “Coo-coo. And I thought I was crazy.”

“And yet you’re going along with it,” Connie retorted.

Spinel rolled her eyes. “S’not the point.”

“Steven thinks he can protect me by keeping me cooped up in the garden than he has another thing coming. I’m not some pet,” she argued.

Years of sword-training were meant to be used. Connie had already proven herself to the majority of the gems in the Zoo. That didn’t mean anything until she got Steven’s express approval though. She’d tried words. And the only way now was action.

Spinel groaned. Running a hand down her face, she threw Connie an exasperated glare. “You two are so dense it _hurts_.”

“What?”

She waved her hand. “Nothing, just trying to channel my inner Pearl. I have a better one!” Her demeanor changed. Suddenly, her body shapeshifted into another gem she knew all too well. Connie had to give it to Spinel though. Outside of color, she nailed her instructor’s appearance “Oh Connie, you shouldn’t, a Knight is supposed to follow her Liege’s commands _precisely_! My Diamond would be most upset at your actions. Now, let us thoroughly organize each and every sword from big to small then by color for no other reason but to waste time.”

“I dare say you need to work on your Pearl, Spinel. It could use some work,” the real one said, startling them both.

“Pearl!” She almost went to hug the woman before her mind got the better of her. “Wait, you’re not here to stop me, are you?” She looked around. Had her plan been foiled? A cold sweat broke out over her brow. “Did Steven send you?”

“Calm yourself.” She lifted a finger, turning to the pink gem beside her. “First, Spinel, I must correct you, for a Knight follows her Liege’s commands so long as they are _reasonable_.” She raised a second finger, pointing both at the sole human “Second, no, Connie. I trained you. I know your strengths and limitations.” A third finger joined the ranks. “As for My Diamond, he is currently working through expansion plans in the observation room above Arena 02.”

“Excellent. That’s exactly where we’re heading,” Connie said confidently, moving past both gems to the fastest path there. It made getting his attention all the easier too.

The doors shut behind with a soft click. Her mentor’s footsteps followed soon after. It boosted her self-esteem. She wasn’t walking into this alone. She had support.

Spinel gawked. “I can’t believe _you_ are the one encouraging her.”

“And you are not?”

The gem pulled herself together, joining the other two on their route. “Some might call this treason,” she mumbled.

“Ah, but treason within _reason_ ,” Pearl assured, earning a snort from Connie.

“Ugh, now I see where Stevie gets all his humor,” Spinel bemoaned.

Pearl released a short laugh. “Sadly, it is more genetic than anything else.”

Connie tuned out the rest of their conversation, more focused on her goal than anything else. This past week had been aggravating. She knew he meant well in the beginning, but she was so used to being able to travel the base by herself that she’d nearly forgotten how isolating the Garden could be. How reliant she had become on Steven for conversation and companionship. Her jaw tightened. It wasn’t as if she didn’t enjoy those things, but she wasn’t some princess in a tower needing protection.

Connie was a warrior. If he wouldn’t listen to her words then she needed to prove her worth in the only way she could. 

And what better place to do that than the Arena?

Unlike the training area, Arena 02 was newer, a Gen 3 extension made with a different purpose in mind. Whereas the place she defeated Holly had been simplistic and geometric in nature, this new addition was advanced and complex. A hologram representing all four Diamonds reflected off the center wall, the other four sides of the room portraying each one in a stylized manner. It was beautiful, if a little excessive for her tastes.

Her gaze traveled upwards. A large pink screen hung from the ceiling, displaying recent Homeworld news and military orders. Silently, she noted the increased military presence going to Earth with suspicion. What was that about? She tucked the thought away for another time. _Focus on her goal,_ she reminded.

She didn’t have to wait long for someone to approach her for a fight. A tall, lilac-colored Amethyst approached her from the side, giving her a hard slap on the back. She took the gesture as it came, now used to redirecting the force of such gestures.

“Oh ho! Wasn’t expecting ya to come,” the purple quartz barked. “You were gone for a while. Didn’t think you’d come back. Finally got permission from Pink Diamond to come play with the Quartzes, did you?”

Connie kept a straight face. Giving any sort of expression otherwise meant fuel for them to use next time (something Connie had dealt with more than once).

“I need no Diamond’s permission to do what I want,” she countered loudly. “Or are you scared?”

Her sister-gems stopped their own training, more interested in the challenge that lay before them than their actual tasks.

“Ready to get your face pounded in, fleshy?” One called out in a joking tone.

“Cheap talk from someone who has never won against me before,” Connie jeered, falling into the casual banter instinctively.

“Same rules as always?” The first Amethyst asked.

“No,” Connie stated, pulling out her sword. “We’re going to do it differently today. I want all of you to come at me.”

She needed to make a stand. A one on one battle placed her amongst the Quartzes, sure, but Connie wanted something better. She wanted a place in her Diamond’s entourage, in his guard, by his side. Which meant Connie needed to take drastic measures.

The group threw each other looks of confusion. This wasn’t their normal routine with her.

“You’re sure?” A short-haired one said hesitantly.

One of the skinner quartzes rubbed the gem at her arm, uncertainty in her brow. “Ugh, isn’t that dangerous?”

“Is human girl okay? Did she hit her head again or something?” Another joked, sending the rest into nervous laughter.

Connie adjusted the grip on her sword. Spinel and Pearl must have sensed her shift, stepping back so that she could make swing the blade in a semi-circle before planting it directly into the floor. The impact cracked the ground, effectively silencing the group.

“Don’t tell me you all are afraid I’ll pound your butts into sand,” she egged on. “And here I thought I was talking to a bunch of Quartz soldiers, not _pebbles_.”

To no one’s surprise, the Quartzes began to rally to Connie’s challenge.

“Your death sentence, kid,” one yelled, withdrawing her ax. The others followed suit with their weapons.

Excellent. And not a moment too soon. The rest of the gems disserted the floor, allowing Connie and the Amethysts room to fight. She counted them: one, two, three, four—two behind her as well—which meant six in total. _Hard_ , she thought, _but not impossible_. She glanced over to her teacher. Pearl motioned her hand. Connie charged.

If fighting were a ballet Connie would be the prima. She knew it and they knew it too. She glided across the floor effortlessly, sleek muscles trembling with an obsessive hunger. Mirroring one of Pearl’s twisting moves, she caught her first victim.

“You’re too slow!” She said as she puffed the slowest of their group, slicing her in half before she could even flinch.

_Relax_ , she told herself, _don’t play around_. She couldn’t afford to. Not after Holly Blue. Connie wiped the sweat off her brow, leveling her gaze once more on her opponents.

The others backed away, trying to regroup. Connie measured her breathing, never losing sight of the remaining five. One on her left, three center, two right—they tried to close her into one of the corners, but she evaded, blocking an ax with the side of her blade then sweeping the feet out from under the attacker. With a quick jab, she puffed her second Amethyst for the day.

Four more to go.

_This wasn’t death_ , she reminded herself, _I’m not killing them, I’m defeating them_. Still, it always struck her how shocked gems looked before their hard light forms evaporated. It was too human for comfort. It brought back memories of her parents, of the people she saw in hiding, of the people she couldn’t save—Thankfully, she was a good compartmentalizer. She practiced the breathing techniques Pearl taught her, centering her mind and body to the task at hand. She couldn’t afford to lose this. This was her curtain call.

The group grew desperate in the attacks. Connie evaded them, striking back with a precision that would make her trainer proud. When they got tired of being put on the defensive, one charged at her, allowing the other three to try and get behind.

“Amethyst, go left!” Ordered the skinny quartz from before.

The other three paused, confusion in their ranks. “Wait, which one of us?”

“Facet J—” She didn’t have time to finish her sentence. Connie snatched her gem as her form dispersed, carefully laying it on the ground before returning to her battle stance.

Connie raised her head. “Next.”

That did it. All three ran towards her. Whatever battle formations they had been taught proved useless as their frustrations took hold. Just as planned. Channeling her teacher’s training, she stepped forward, back, then swerved, the fluorescent lights reflecting off the arc of her blade.

She caught one in the chest and the other by the head, but the last evaded, holding her mace in front of her with a grimace. The rest of the room (reformed Amethysts included) watched with interest. They circled each other. Whereas the Amethyst’s steps were heavy and loud, Connie’s barely left a trace, precise and placed with purpose. Everything she did she did for him.

_And herself_ , a small voice dark inside her reminded, _you enjoy this_.

The shock of the realization was dampened by the begrudging acceptance of such truth. So much of her life had been spent in the Garden doing nothing substantial. Her first real fight with Pearl had been exhilarating. It had opened her eyes to the excitement of battle, the addictiveness of winning.

And Steven. She would have wasted away if she had been given to any other Diamond. They didn’t need her like he needed her, even when he refused her help. Which meant she had to do this to prove she was right, that she was meant to be his Knight. It was the only way.

Her right foot jutted outwards, catching the gem by surprise. She slammed the butt of her pommel down on her head then, in quick succession, struck her in the side. Her opponent held her side, blinking widely before releasing an annoyed groan as she puffed, leaving Connie the victor.

She didn’t need to turn around to feel his presence. It hung over the room, sinking into the bodies of both gems and humans alike.

“Is that enough for you?” She flicked her braid back, all the while throwing him a cool glare. “My Diamond?”

* * *

A pink glow arose on his cheeks.

_That was new_ , she thought. The color seemed to fade for a moment before returning once more, flickering across his features like a broken light. Was it a new power? A reaction to her actions? It wouldn’t surprise her if it was.

The tension was so thick Connie could cut it with her blade. Steven paced about the observation room, the blue-tinted lights casting his attire in shades of purple. What was supposed to be a calm, cool meeting area had become suffocating, a war between two best friends who desired contrasting outcomes.

She knew Steven wanted to keep her safe. He was a sweetheart and a caregiver, his desire to solve other’s problems overriding reason. It was why so many gems under his care looked up to him. He wasn’t like the other Diamonds.

But that wouldn’t stop her from reaching her goal. She didn’t need his care. What she needed was his approval. Which was easier said than done.

He stopped near the center of the room, turning around so quickly his cloak almost couldn’t catch up. “That was reckless.”

Connie stepped forward. “It was necessary.”

His teeth clenched together, jaw tight as he replied, “How? How is this kind of fighting _necessary_? What if you slipped? Holly was one thing but an entire group of Quartz soldiers? What if you seriously injured yourself, or worse?”

She walked closer. “But I didn’t,” she pointed out.

“You could in the future,” he retorted. His gem glowed, highlighting the angry lines of his face.

She paused her march forward, staring up at him with a look of determination. “Then I’ll get back up.”

“Or you might not, Connie.” He groaned, grabbing his hair. “Why can’t you see that?”

Why can’t he see what was right in front of him? She kept the thought to herself, choosing another approach.

“Because I’m not the same little girl your so-called Aunties got you for a pet, Steven,” she said in a harsh tone. “I knew going into that Arena what my odds of success were, which, if you’ve seen any of my recent fights, were well above average!”

“Well above average doesn’t mean you’re immune from death,” he replied.

_Calm yourself_ , she thought. Taking a deep breath, she continued, “Pearl and Spinel trained with me. Both of them can attest to my abilities. There are records of my fights with several Quartz soldiers that can back that up. Stars, just talk to some of them! That should be more than enough to qualify me as your protector. I. Earned. This.” She stepped up to him, pressing her index into his chest. “You _saw_ what I did out there. Are you really going to just let me waste away in that Garden for the rest of my existence? You promised, Steven. You promised you’d save Earth, so I promised to be _by_ your side.”

His hands came down upon her shoulders, soft but firm.

“You don’t have to be a Knight to do that though,” he said, eyes pleading. “All I want is for you to be _you_. You don’t need to fight to do that.

He wanted her to give in. To let this slide. Connie’s jaw clenched.

“But I can’t follow you around the Universe if I’m _just_ Connie now can I?”

He balked. A soft tremor arose in his shoulders. The pink glow finally diminished. He knew as well as her the rules of gem society. So long as she went unrecognized she would have no rights here. She was effectively a stateless citizen. She could see him think over the proposition, trying to find holes with which to fit her. She knew he would find none. She had gone over gem laws extensively. In order to go anywhere important with him, she needed to be part of his guard. To be his knight.

It only took a few seconds for the realization to dawn. His hands fell away, dropping to his sides.

“You don’t know what it means,” he whispered. “What it entails.”

She caught his gaze with her own. “Then show me.”

* * *

Comic as shown above is done by the lovely ashidaii. Link to the artwork is [here](https://www.instagram.com/p/B-XXb6Opu9y/). They are a lovely artist and very kind. 


	8. And then you do it for her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie and Steven travel to homeworld. After receiving her mission, the two teens have a small heart to heart before Connie speaks to Pearl about something of grave importance. 
> 
> Later, Connie travels to Earth once more. It is not how she remembers.
> 
> (Warning: Minor character deaths)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own Steven Universe or any of the characters. 
> 
> Hi! Wow sorry for not updating in a while! Between work and growing my Instagram I've struggled to find time for writing, but I finally finished the chapter yey! Big thanks to Ashidaii and Echofour for betaing the chapter for me. You guys are awesome.
> 
> Also, wow! Thank you so much for all the lovely fanart, kudos, comments, and bookmarks! I greatly appreciate your support. If you want to check out more art for the fic go to my Instagram: tunafishprincess. Beware though. It has some spoilers! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.

And then you do it for her  
That's how you know you can win  
You do it for her, that is to say  
You'll do it for him

* * *

Homeworld was alien, and that was saying something for a girl who spent her late adolescence on a floating alien fortress.

They traveled a longer distance than humanly fathomable, arriving at a planet she never could have dreamed up. She had seen pictures and videos but the actual thing…it was different in person. Much like everything in gem society.

The air was breathable, similar levels to what they had in the Garden. A bit stale perhaps, but gems didn’t need air like humans. They moved about like robots, more drones than beings, focused intently on the tasks they were programmed to do. Buildings upon buildings sprouted up from the ground, or what was left of it. The planet was broken, only kept together by technology. What had destroyed it? There were no records. She’d checked. Either none of the gems knew, the knowledge lost to time, or the information was secret, which brought forth a whole slew of new questions.

A shadow flickered past the corner of her eye. Suddenly, an arm wrap around Connie’s waist. She looked up.

“Stay close,” Steven directed in a soft tone.

“Of course,” she replied, hoping she didn’t sound as nervous as she felt.

Falling into step behind her Diamond, they continued their trek across the landscape. The caravan was an interesting mismatch of gems. Rubies carried the front, followed by Quartzes and then those Steven trusted most. Spinel seemed the most perturbed by the environment in the group, her head darting back and forth as if trying to find an escape. Stars, Connie was with her there. Pearl, true to her mask, was unreadable, staying in step with Spinel to keep the pink gem from falling behind.

She turned her attention back to the bleak atmosphere.

Was it possible to be both lifeless and alive? The colors were there, yes, but everything was orderly—No, not orderly. They were separate. Color-coded and organized, like her great auntie’s special living room. Everything was new and neat and nothing like what she was used to at all. It sent shivers down her spine. She would go insane in a place like this.

Her gaze met Steven’s. He threw her a long stare, as if trying to impart some sort of wisdom. _He had lived through this_ , she thought solemnly. How had he been able to stand the stillness?

Long fingers pressed against her back, hidden from any onlookers by the length of his cloak. Her shoulders relaxed. The heat flowed from his hand, a comforting sensation that restored confidence back into her limbs.

Four months since their reunion and she still got butterflies in her stomach at his touch. Connie straightened out her shoulders, head tilted upwards in defiance of her growing fear. She couldn’t afford to come off as weak here. She adjusted her sword, eyeing the gathering crowd of upper-gems.

“What do you think of Homeworld so far?” Steven inquired, snapping Connie out of her tangent thoughts.

“It’s not what I expected,” she admitted.

“Maybe they’ll have sweets at the party. Or perhaps I could request some for you. Would you like that?”

“You and I both know this isn’t going to be a party, Steven.”

“Depends on your perspective. I could ask Pearl to draw out some streamers. We could give the Diamonds some party hats. Can you imagine Yellow with one on?” He let out a dry chuckle. “Would certainly liven the place up from what it is now.”

“You’re ridiculous,” she giggled.

“Does it scare you? Being here?”

“No,” she replied, lips pulling back into a gentle smile. “Not as long as I’m by your side.”

He turned his head. It didn’t hide the pink tips of his ears though. Connie coughed to hide her laughter. Big or small, he was still adorable.

The endless sky disappeared as they entered through the main doors, the Diamond doors. The Ruby and Quartz guards sectioned off into two straight lines. Like a parade, they marched forward, slowly lining the hallway for their Diamond to enter.

This was it.

Their footsteps echoed across the pristine floors. At the end of the hallway, a thick curtain separated them from the awaiting Diamonds. Pearl and Spinel took the lead, pushing through the wall of fabric to make their announcements.

“Come one, come all, for a fun surprise!” Spinel’s voice echoed. In the shadows of the fabric, she saw the gem contort her hand, forming a makeshift horn to silence the eager group. Her giggles made Connie smile. Even if they were fake, it reminded Connie that she wasn’t alone here.

Steven shifted away from her. As previously instructed, Connie stepped back to the main guard, unsheathing her sword for the next part. Her captain threw her a disdainful sneer. The Jasper was not the only one who disapproved of her position in Steven’s group. Not that Connie cared. Jasper could eat her dust. Connie was here for Steven and no one else.

He unbuckled the cloak, the flowing fabric picked up by one of his attendants. Upper-class gem society took great care in their forms and Steven was no exception to that rule. From every gesture to every sash, their forms acted as a secondary form of speech, alerting all those around them of who they were, their position, their ideals.

He was invoking his mother’s namesake in his own way. She only hoped it would win over the other Diamonds. Going by her captain’s astonished look, it just might work.

“My Diamond is most pleased to be with all of you today. He has traveled far and wide to entreat upon the first meeting of a new Era.” Soft music began to pick up as Pearl’s voice enjoined Spinel’s. “Everyone welcome the return of the lustrous and bright young leader that is Pink Diamond.”

Her breathing hitched as the curtain was drawn. All eyes zeroed in on Steven, scrutinizing every part of him. Steven paid them no heed. There was no need to. He was a Diamond.

The Thrones’ positions matched those of their Diamonds, the White at the top while Yellow and Blue’s sat at the middle, leaving the bottom one for her own Diamond. Surprisingly, only two out of the three Thrones were occupied. Didn’t Steven say White was going to be here?

Yellow adjusted her legs, leaning forward like a frustrated parent with an unruly child.

“You’re late, Pink,” she tsked, her voice muffled by the new scarf she now sported.

When had that happened? She wasn’t the only one whose appearance had changed either. Blue Diamond’s fingers clenched the arms of her seat, short hair swaying as she sent her fellow Diamond a look of disapproval.

“Hush, Yellow,” she chided softly. “It’s not his fault his ship isn’t as fast as our own.”

Yellow rolled her eyes. “Isn’t it?”

“Quiet.”

Connie froze. Everyone did.

The voice was powerful, echoing across the chamber. A few Quartzes in her Diamond’s guard shook, unsteadied by the announcement. Connie raised her eyes, spotting the originator.

Except, it wasn’t really that, was it? Steven had briefed her before departure, but to hear it was another thing altogether.

Cold. If Steven was warmth, then this gem was the opposite. Freezing, barely controlled, alien—the other Diamonds didn’t have this sort of presence, the sort that made her want to fall to her knees. Steven filled a room with his energy. This Diamond sucked everything out of it.

No one was spared from that feeling. Even the other Diamonds looked weary, and none more so than Steven. His features had paled considerably, his hands fisted at his sides.

The gem in her place (a white pearl), watched from a top White’s throne.

Her mouth split into a mockery of a smile. “Welcome home, Starlight. Come and join us.”

He nodded. Even though the seat was larger than him he got on top of it well enough. Spinel joined up, climbing on top of the chair’s arm like a loyal pet; Pearl, in contrast, stood at attention nearby, so still she could have passed for a statue.

(Artwork by my friend [Misukuri](https://www.instagram.com/p/B5f6DncJJZk/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link). Please support their wonderful art on Instagram!) 

The guard settled onto one knee, Connie included. For the first time, Connie noted the distance between her and her Diamond. Well, a Knight and a King were different classes after all. Of course he would be seated in such a manner.

So why did it bother her so much? It was like an itch she couldn’t scratch. The emotional part of her longed to be closer, to protect her Liege against the harsh stares of the Diamonds and their ilk.

But that was merely fantasy. She bit down on her bottom lip.

“I trust your little visit went well,” White said once he’d settled into his place. It was a statement, not a question.

“Yes. All preparations are complete for my re-coronation,” Steven answered.

She raised her hands beneath her chin, still staring unblinkingly at him. “Marvelous. All that’s left is to collect the last piece then.”

Steven seemed to deflate at the answer. “Last piece? I thought…” He swallowed, asking, “What do you mean?”

“You didn’t tell her?” Yellow scowled.

Blue sighed. “I thought you did.” 

“Typical,” Yellow muttered. She looked down at her nails. “Pink, you remember your old ship, yes?”

Steven paused. His controlled features fumbled under her scrutiny. “Uh, no, actually, my—”

“Ah yes, your little memory issue.” She waved her hand. “Pearl, if you would.”

“Yes, my Diamond,” her Pearl answered confidently. With a wave of her hand a yellow screen appeared. Pressed her hands together, she sharply drew them apart to split it into two, the larger expanded until it was nearly the size of the Diamond herself. Yellow took hold of it, fingers drumming across the screen at lightning-speed until she found what she was looking for.

“Our intel informed us that a large object was moved from this desert region to one of the last human military facilities on this landmass,” she gestured. Connie’s eyes widened. “We suspect, given the size, that it is your warship. You understand we cannot allow it to fall to enemy hands.”

“I could retrieve it,” Steven suggested.

Yellow was the first to react, disregarding Steven’s remark with a disapproving look. “Out of the question.”

“Certainly not!” Blue admonished. “It’s too dangerous. What if you—"

“Now, Starlight,” White interrupted. Blue’s mouth shut with a sharp click, her brows sharpening at the other’s intrusion. Connie looked between the two. There was tension there, but why? Didn’t they all follow under White? “Do you really think we would let you go back to Earth? After everything that’s happened?”

An awkward silence ensued. Steven seemed to be crumbling under their combined stare. His breathing grew more labored. Connie’s heart lurched, dragging her to her feet. She had to do something.

Steven began to stammer, folding in on himself. “I…That is…”

Her feet carried her before the four thrones. The words rang from her mouth before her mind could catch up with them.

“I can go,” she added hastily, “your excellencies.”

No one made a sound. Connie’s hands grew clammy, sweat forming at her brow. She knew it. She knew she had overstepped. Darn her and her stupid mouth!

Yellow seemed the most annoyed. She cast a bewildered glare down at Connie, as if she couldn’t fathom a creature like her could even speak. Somehow, that wouldn’t surprise Connie if that were exactly the case.

“What is _that_ doing here?” She motioned her hand as if to shoo her. “You can’t go bringing pets to war councils, Pink.”

Blue bristled. “Pink can do whatever he wants. _He_ ’s a Diamond,” she emphasized.

The smell of ozone filled the air. Connie could almost see the sparks rising off Yellow’s skin. Blue didn’t seem perturbed in the slightest. Steven, on the other hand, looked more than aghast at Connie’s intrusion into the conversation.

“She’s not my pet. Connie is part of my guard,” he clarified. “But that doesn’t mean—"

“Forgive my rudeness, your majesties, but I know Earth. I was made there. I can blend in better than any gem here.” She descended to one knee in front of thrones, head bowed. “Please, allow me to serve you. I can find the ship and deliver its location.”

“An interesting proposition,” Yellow remarked.

Steven shook his head, rising from his seat. “Don’t _entertain_ her proposal. It would be suicide. Connie, stand back with the guard.”

But there wasn’t. Steven’s position was being remitted on account of some stupid ship. What better way could Connie serve him then to retrieve the one thing that stood in the way of his coronation?

It was a shaky plan. No doubt. But it would work. Or it could, if the Diamonds agreed to it.

She held her breath as the group silently deliberated, returning to her spot with the guards. Jasper glared, her face turning an unusual shade of orange. If looks could kill…

It didn’t take long for them to decide, likely because they already knew the best course of action. 

“There must be some other way,” Steven’s voice broke out.

White’s puppet turned to the side, movements as wooden as her features. “On the contrary. Starlight’s little human could be most valuable for this task. I propose we put it to a vote. All in favor?”

Steven’s answer was as expected. “No. She’s not going. I refuse to put her in that sort of danger.”

“And yet you would do so yourself?” Yellow shot back, giving a sharp stomp as she rose to her feet. The ground shook, throwing more than a few gems off balance. “You’re a Diamond, Pink. Act like one. My vote goes with White.”

Her liege turned to the last Diamond. He swallowed. “Blue, please—”

He didn’t finish his sentence. Her expression told him everything before her words followed in suit.

“I think. . . the human should go, but with an armed guard.” She reached down, stroking Steven’s face with her pinky. “Pink’s human is important to him. We should respect his things.” She looked up to where White’s puppet stood. “He is, after all, a Diamond.”

“Excellent.” She clapped her hands together. “Starlight can send her little human with a group of soldiers to protect her. Once she finds the ship, we can implement more measures to secure its collection and bring it home.” Her gaze flickered over Connie’s form. “An excellent proposition, indeed.” Her expression shifted, the fake mask of pleasantness dropping. “But do keep in mind that the next time she speaks out of turn will result in her shattering, Pink. Control your pet.” Her mouth returned to the awkward stretched smile. “Got it? Good. Are there any other matters at which to discuss?”

Connie breathed a sigh of. . . well, not relief, but certainly something filled with less tension.

“What of the Coronation Ball?” Blue inquired.

Yellow crossed her arms. “Pink should be the one organizing it. She is the one who’s good at them.”

“Be reasonable,” Blue chided. “You know Pink has memory problems. We should help him.”

The hardest part was over. Connie zoned out, her mind still reeling from what just happened. She dare not glance at Steven.

She knew he wouldn’t forget this.

* * *

It was her first time seeing Earth again. So close, yet so far away. Her hands moved as if she were actually holding the small blue marble, slowly sliding together until she’d enclosed it. She flicked her thumb up, peeking through. On the other side, between her fingers, it floated in the black abyss of space, silent and beautiful. She leaned closer, nose up against the window. How long had it been since she’d seen home? Four years? Too long. The glass fogged under her breath; she pulled away.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him, watching, waiting, contemplating. That made two of them. He took three strides to get to her side, arms so close they brushed against her shoulders.

“You know, he said impassively. “Insubordination is grounds for shattering in certain Diamond courts,”

Connie didn’t take the bait. Instead, she challenged his true with her own. “You know,” she started, copying his tone. “A certain Diamond needs the ship in order to be coronated.”

His lips pulled downwards. “Not in exchange for your life.”

“It won’t be my life,” she replied with a cool glare.

“You don’t know that.”

“I’ve spent thousands upon thousands of hours training. I know how to infiltrate an enemy base. Ask Pearl, we did an entire simulation of it once,” she mentioned offhandedly.

“I’ve no doubt she taught you that. She really taught you everything, huh?” He sighed, brushing his bangs back as he tilted his head. “Made you into the _perfect_ knight.”

A small smile emerged at his words, even if he didn’t necessarily mean it as a compliment. “Steven,” she began, taking hold of his hand like she used to do when they were kids, her thumb rubbing circles into the back of it. His features softened. “I know Earth. Stars, I know the area where the ship is supposed to be! We can’t let this opportunity pass us by.”

His fingers clenched around her own. She could feel the strength behind them, along with the shakiness of his grip. “We can. We _should_. You are more important than any stupid throne, Connie. I can’t…” He swallowed. “I can’t afford to lose _you_ too.”

Her brows drew forward. Lose her? But she was right here. “What are you saying?”

“I care for you, Connie. A lot,” he confessed. There was a feverous glint in his eyes, a desperation that hadn’t been there before. Or maybe it had? “More than anything in the world. I think I—You’re important to me. I can’t afford to lose you to this.”

She didn’t allow herself to fancy the hidden meaning behind his words. She couldn’t. He was a Diamond and she was his protector and anything more…

Her throat grew thick, jaw tightening at the possibilities. It must have been a slip. He was her best friend and liege and nothing more would come from it.

Nothing _could_ come from it.

“You’re important to me too,” she answered truthfully, taking hold of his other hand so she could give both a soft squeeze of reassurance. “I’m sorry. I just . . . I saw I could be useful to you.”

Steven cocked his head to the side, rolling his eyes dramatically as a natural grin played out across his features. “You’re already useful. I wouldn’t be the person I am now without you.”

“Geez, you’re such a schmaltz,” Connie groaned, releasing his hands to cover her face at his corniness. Did he even hear himself sometimes? She was grateful this part of the ship was devoid of any other gems. She could imagine how the Amethysts would react to such flowery dialogue.

“Ah, but I’m your schmaltz,” he joked, pulling her hands away from her burning cheeks.

“True.”

They settled into silence. Even through the window, Connie could feel the sun’s warm rays. Her chin tilted upwards, eyelids closed so as to enjoy the quiet before the inevitable storm. Steven shuffled closer.

“The Diamonds’ decision is final. I cannot stop you, no matter how much I want to.” He pressed a cool palm to her cheek. “That’s why you must come back from this.”

Her eyes opened. She resisted the urge to lean into his touch. It felt good against the hotness of her cheek. “Are you asking me or ordering me, my Diamond?”

He leaned forward. “Does my knight need to question which?”

He was inches away from her face. Her stomach flip-flopped, unable to process the intimacy of the action. But they had always been best friends, she reasoned. Surely this was just an example of their closeness?

The lies tasted like ash, but she swallowed them anyway.

“I should get ready for deployment,” she said, taking a large step back. “Pearl is supposed to debrief me.” She turned on her heel, casting another smile over her shoulder. “I promise I’ll return. You have my word.”

She was barely two steps forward before his hand caught her shoulder.

“Wait, before you go,” he said, closing the distance between them once more.

Her eyes widened as something soft pressed against her forehead. Did he just—

He drew back, cheeks a bright shade of pink. “For good luck.”

“Uh,” was her first response followed by a string of fumbled words. “Right. Okay. Thank you for the . . . um . . .bye!”

_Smooth_ , her inner voice remarked, _real smooth_.

* * *

It took her some time to cool off. Steven’s action repeated itself over and over in her mind, a loop that caused her to grow increasingly flustered.

She tried to reason out the action. Her parents used to kiss her on the forehead once in a while as a sign of parental affection. It was just affection. Best friend affection. Secret garden buddy stuff.

  
Right?

“Are you listening, Connie?” Pearl said, interrupting her frenzied state.

The girl nodded, standing as her teacher taught her, arms shaping the all too familiar shape of the empire’s most popular symbol. “Yes ma’am.”

She had read the report twice over, analyzing her mission down to the last syllable. This would cement both their positions. So long as it went according to plan, she thought morbidly.

Pearl’s fingers danced across the holographic screen. Images flashed, showing the satellite images of the area. “The coordinates are uploaded into your helmet. I trust you can find them?”

“Affirmative.”

“You will be sent to Earth with Unit 4 of our Diamond’s military,” she informed. “They are veterans to Earth and are ready and willing to assist if you find yourself in danger.”

“Understood.”

Connie focused her attention on the display. Short biographies, gem composition, battle styles—she refused to startle when she saw her Captain’s picture come into view.

Jasper had been more than vocal on Connie’s introduction into the guard. She was a vicious fighter and had more than once made a point of trying to humiliate her these past few months with her team. It didn’t take much to understand why: Connie was an affront to her, a fleshbag who rose from the job she was first assigned (though pet wasn’t necessarily a job, she thought dryly) to the personal hand of her Diamond.

The other Quartzes were split between those she had trained with over the years (Amethysts and Carnelians) and those from the guard (Jaspers and Citrines). Her brow furrowed. This was supposed to be an important mission. Where were the combat assistance Sapphires to guide them? Even a Chalcedony would improve the team composition. Who had made the decision to pair this group together?

What she wouldn’t give for an inside person right now. If only—

Wait. Connie frowned, thinking back as old information began to dawn. The Amethyst who visited the Zoo…Was it possible to contact her? Horror began to dawn as she remembered her promise. Connie had been so focused on Steven’s return and her knighthood that she’d forgotten to inform the very person in front of her. Her stomach churned, guilt and shame intermixing with her already nervous insides. Dare she reveal it now? Would it make any difference?

Pearl cleared her throat. “I trust you will not stray from your mission.”

“Doubting my abilities?” Connie joked.

The woman chuckled, the emotionless mask peeling away for a moment. “Of course not. When would I ever?” She paused, voice somber. “But nostalgia is a powerful thing.”

Her mind flickered back to her old home, her old school, the places she would frequent. They seemed so distant now, but . . . “You think I’ll betray him?”

“I think you might be sidetracked,” she stated.

Connie clenched her teeth. Why was everyone doubting her capabilities to handle this? She had no close ties to people anymore, not after her parents’ deaths. Other relatives were likely dead and gone, and it wasn’t as if Connie had any friends there either. All the people she cared about were on this ship.

But not for Steven and Pearl. They still had someone on Earth. Someone they thought they’d lost.

Did she even have the right to drop this sort of bombshell information? Part of her argued against it. This wasn’t some minor detail in a fantasy novel. This was their friend. What would they think of her for withholding such information for so long?

But when did she even have time to reveal it, she tried to defend against the rising shame. Everything had happened so fast. Steven’s return, her entry into the guard, the training, the Diamonds—but she had promised. The guilt hung from her neck like a weight. She should bring it up. But how?

“I understand getting lost in your head but this is an official debriefing,” her teacher chided, though her words lacked any emotion behind.

She delivered a determined gaze to her teacher. “I won’t. Get sidetracked, that is.”

“Perhaps you’re correct,” Pearl answered coolly. “I trust you will do whatever it takes to further our Diamond’s goal.”

She nodded fervently. That, she knew, she would do with utmost efficiency. No matter the cost. “Of course.”

“Then I shall leave you to it,” she said, promptly ending the conversation before Connie could figure out a way to approach the other issue.

Fear stalled her hands and feet. What would happen if she revealed what she knew? Pearl would certainly report it to Steven, right? But something had to be done. Connie couldn’t keep this in now that it was at the forefront of her mind. She needed to focus one hundred percent on the mission.

She broke away, grasping her trainer’s arm. Now or never.

“Wait, Pearl.” Connie looked down at her feet. “There’s something you should know.”

Beyond the mask, the gem’s eyes held a tempered interest. “You’re shaking, Connie. Is everything alright?”

Licking her dry lips, she forced the words out. “I should have told you sooner, but…Amethyst, your Amethyst, she visited the Zoo while you and Steven were gone.”

An explosion could have gone off and Pearl wouldn’t have moved an inch. Connie could feel her eyes drilling holes into the top of her head. She deserved it, this tension that grew with every waking second.

It didn’t take the gem long to find her words. Despite Pearl’s rigid posture, there was emotion in her tone as she asked, “Why didn’t you say this before?”

She threw up her hands, forgetting the formalities that had been drilled into her. “When have I had time to? We’ve never been alone since you came back.”

“I would have made time had I known,” she said impatiently. “What did she tell you?”

“Only a few things. She said…she said she has them, whoever them is. _All_ of them,” she replied, hoping the gem knew what that meant.

A cold clinical silence followed. Finally, she remarked, “You’re certain.”

“Do you know what that means?”

Pearl brought a hand beneath her chin. Whatever thoughts that came from it stayed locked away from Connie, likely due to her not revealing such information sooner. “Did she say anything else?”

“Not really,” she confessed, trying to think back to their conversation. It seemed so long ago now. She’d made some jokes, but looking back, Connie wasn’t so sure what was the truth. “She seemed really tired. I wish she had stayed, but she had to return to Earth.”

Though she could not read the gem’s face she could discern the slight changes in her body language. From the tightened fists to the rigid poise, Connie knew she had made a mistake.

She only hoped the gem would forgive her for it.

“This changes everything,” Pearl stated.

Connie grasped her other arm, shoulders haunched as she said to her utmost sincerity, “I’m sorry.”

Though her disposition didn’t seem to change, her instructor nodded robotically, body already heading for the warp pad. She paused halfway up the small steps, giving Connie a long stare. “I need some time to process this.”

“Right. I’ll leave you to it, I guess,” she said, swallowing her guilt. She had done it. Now, all that was left to do was to find the ship. Perhaps then she could regain her instructor’s trust (though somehow, she doubted it).

The warp turned on. Pearl forced her hands into a diamond. “Your dropship departs in five cycles. Report to your captain.”

Connie turned away as Pearl warped elsewhere.

For a second, she allowed her eyes to water, the whirlwind of emotions almost too much to bear. Steven’s affections had left her all over the place and Pearl’s disappointment made her almost sick with remorse. Her hands shifted to the pommel of her sword, gripping it until her fingers became numb. This wasn’t how a knight should act. She needed to control herself.

She wiped the water away with the back of her hand. No more emotions. She was calm. Cool. Composed. She steadied her breathing, clearing her thoughts of everything until all she could think about were the mission details. She raised her head. Her palm pressed the keypad.

Time to go.

* * *

Home was the taste of precooked curry before doing her homework. Home was waking up at five to the smell of coffee right before her father drove her to her early morning tennis practice, her mother’s waving from behind a mug while getting ready for work. Home was the sensation of freshly cut grass under her feet as she read one of her favorite books, preferring the world of imagination to the world of man.

This was not home. Not any longer. She squinted, trying to picture what this place must have looked like before the war. It wasn’t easy. Most buildings were smashed to pieces, their occupants now long gone or dead. Everything was drenched in darker tones, curtesy of the reddish clouds that lung to the skies. Dust kicked up in the breeze.

“Oi!” Her captain said, knocking her shoulder as she trod down the landing pad. Connie brushed off her arm, joining the gem’s side not a second later. Jasper tried to speed up, but Connie kept pace.

“Can’t believe Pink Diamond let an Earthling into the guard,” she grumbled as the team gathered at the meeting point. “This is an absolute disgrace.”

“If you have an issue with it you can bring it up with my Diamond,” Connie answered coolly.

Jasper barked a cruel laugh. “We all know how Pink Diamond feels about his little human.”

Her irritation rose with her brows. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

The gem leaned to the side, balancing one hand on her waist as the other gestured with a fist. “Did you really think you got here on skill?”

Again with the bravado. Connie answered the other’s challenge with one of her own. Her fingers journeyed to her belt, finding the hilt of her sword. Jasper’s eyes glinted.

“You want to test that out, Jasper?” She asked.

It was a bluff, but Connie enjoyed the frustration that played across Jasper’s features. Breaking protocol was not an option, especially on a mission as significant as this. Jasper threw her one last glare before turning to the squad to bark out more orders.

Connie tuned it out. She already knew her job backwards and forwards. Clicking the side of her helmet, she analyzed the geography of the area. A 3D holographic map arose, over-imposing the landscape. This had been a town once. A sleepy little beachside place caught in the middle of a war. Her breath quickened.

She remembered this place.

“What happened here?” She whispered.

“Humans,” Jasper growled.

“Well,” she remarked, “That’s specific.”

“Your kind didn’t want to agree to our demands. They preferred destroying themselves and everything else on this miserable rock. What idiots. Did they think a little radiation was going to scare off the greatest force of the universe?”

“No. I can’t . . .” She felt bile travel up her throat. “They went nuclear?”

A cruel mocking smile spread across the gem’s lips, amusement at Connie’s expression. “Take a look around, Earthling. You think Gems did this?”

Connie didn’t answer her. Her mouth drew into a narrow line. She couldn’t get caught up in this right now. _Focus on the mission_ , she thought.

They traveled across the barren wasteland, keeping in march with each other as they scanned the perimeter. Gunshots drew Connie’s attention to the distance. Dots moved across the horizon. She clicked her visor and zoomed in. No, not dots. Her eyes widened.

Humans.

One by one they were guided to one of the Quartz soldier landing shuttles. Many were too injured to walk, carried by Amethysts up the steep hilly terrain. Connie searched her mind for a reason. When her curiosity could not be sated by merely watching, she asked her captain, “Where are they taking those people?”

Jasper scoffed, “Ask Pink Diamond.” She turned her focus to the landscape. “Move out, soldiers! Search every corner. We have a mission to accomplish and I will not tolerate failure!”

Connie nodded with the others. It was strange. This place was alien to her and yet . . .not. This had been somewhere before becoming a warzone. People walked these streets. _She’d_ walked these streets.

“I know this place,” she said in a low voice. “I used to go to school not far from here.”

“Don’t get distracted,” Jasper growled, picking up their pace. The team scrambled to keep up with her while staying on guard. Connie sighed. Whoever thought she and Jasper should be together on this mission were either incompetent or deliberately trying to mess with her. Water and oil got along better than them.

“I won’t,” Connie answered. “There was a military base nearby, along the coastline. We should head—”

She didn’t have time to finish her sentence. The sound came first, a distinct high-pitched howl. It played in slow motion across her plane of vision: the fiery explosion that licked at her heels, the noise of ruble and dust scattering followed by an earsplitting boom, the guttural screams of gems and humans alike, and the sudden, overwhelming darkness that enveloped her before she too could join the chorus of fear.

* * *

How long had she been awake? She didn’t know. The ringing made her vision blurry. She could barely make out her hands in front of her. Did she always have four arms? No, they were only two. She wished she had four. It would make fighting very efficient.

“Everything will be okay, Connie,” her mother said softly.

Her head jerked sideways, eyeing the woman. She was just as beautiful as Connie remembered. Her fingers reached out for the woman’s lab coat. Just a touch. It phased. Connie blinked. Like magic, her mother was gone, once again leaving her daughter in this frightening place.

She hummed, trying to drive the ear-splitting ringing in her head down a notch. What was she doing here again? Her hands scrambled for purchase on the uneven terrain. Crawling on her knees, she grabbed onto a large trembling rock, using it to get back on her feet. The rock sniffed.

“They shattered her,” it said in a shaky voice. Connie looked over its shoulder, peering down at the shattered stone cupped between two large hands. “She was. . . she was . . .”

“Get down!” Someone screamed.

A hand pushed her down, knocking the air out of her lungs as another howling sound burst through the dust. Connie covered her eyes and ears this time. Despite the clouded visor and her hands, she could see the blinding light, white and burning.

Her body slid through the air. Instinctively, she tucked into a roll, her return to the ground rough but not bone-breaking. Dust coated the insides of her mouth. Getting back up to her feet, she wiped the muck from her visor.

Voices softly echoed through the vicinity. They weren’t what caught her attention, though.

Even through the kicked-up debris, the creature stood out against the landscape. Its tail whipped back and forth, as if it were impatiently waiting for Connie.

Another episode of her mind playing tricks on her? Connie pinched her cheek. The image didn’t disappear like the first. It shook its mane, giving her another long look.

“What?” She walked closer. “I can’t. . . I don’t understand.”

Did it just huff at her? Connie’s mouth would have dropped if she wasn’t so shell-shocked. It turned around in a full circle before slowly padding off, looking back every few yards.

It was as if a lightbulb went off. Call her crazy, but something about this unusual creature made her want to follow it. But why would she follow—

Her lips pulled back as she recalled the mission. Right. Of course. How could she forget? She rubbed away the sticky warmth at her brow. Her gait grew stronger with each step as she followed after the animal. Like a spider with its web she wove together the earlier events: her mission, Jasper, the bomb—it was an ambush. Guerilla warfare at its finest.

The walk grew quieter the longer they traveled. The dust cloud cleared, the sounds of screaming and gunshots fading. The ringing still held, but that too had lessened. She counted her breathes, matching them to her quiet footfalls.

“You want to show me something?” She whispered to herself. “Lead the way, giant pink cat monster.”

It chuffed in response. Connie couldn’t help but crack a small smile. It reminded her of the old cat her neighbors had, except this one was twenty times larger. If this was her mind playing tricks on her it was doing a darn good job of it. Was she always this creative? She wondered if it was perhaps a metaphor for something. Did the pink represent Steven? Why a large cat though? She searched her memories. It wasn’t any large cat, she realized, it was a lion. Of course! She wanted to hit her head. King of the jungle, king of a world-conquering alien race— _okay, scratch the creative part_ , Connie thought, she was ridiculously obvious.

A gentle mewling drew her attention. She turned her head for only a second but when she looked back the lion was gone. Typical. She groaned. Why did she even follow it in the first place? The sound grew louder. Was that—

It wasn’t hard to find the source. It only took her a few paces to find the collapsed building. Unlike the area she’d come from, this part was still in use, or at least it had been. The smell of smoke clung to the air. This was not a safe area. She needed to regroup, and fast. What if enemy combatants arrived? She never should have followed that stupid lion.

Some of the rocks shifted. A pale hand wiggled out. Connie immediately went to assist, removing the broken pieces of wood and rock that trapped the person. Tiny digits reached for her face. She let them.

A child stared up. His hair looked to have the texture and color of wheat, at least, in the places that weren’t covered by ash. What struck her most was his dark eyes, expressionless and unblinking, even though he kept imitating such a sad sound from his mouth. The same sound that brought her here.

Her body moved instinctively, picking the kid up and balancing him on her hip. He wiggled around but Connie’s grip was firm. He kept reaching back for the spot he came from. Connie looked down, heart lurching at the sight.

“Oh no,” she whispered. “Is that. . . ?”

Her fingers tightened. Carefully, she set him to the ground. He ran back to the body, half-hidden by the rubble. He made wordless sounds, sad mumbles that broke Connie’s heart.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I lost mine too. You didn’t deserve this.” Her shoulders hitched. “No one deserves this.”

“Hands in the air!”

Her arms tensed. Her visor sounded an alarm as she noticed two figures approach. She swallowed. _Keep calm,_ she told herself, _don’t attack_. She raised her hands, hoping her body language seemed nonthreatening.

“Don’t shoot,” she said, placing herself in front of the boy.

She deduced their identities before her scanner could. It was a good ruse, with old jackets and bandaged limbs. But Connie knew better. Their gait spoke of training. As they drew closer she could see their close-cut hair beneath their helmets, their bodies less starved than the ones she had seen earlier.

Soldiers. Which meant the ship was nearby. One of the two bumped shoulders with the other.

“Look out her outfit,” he mentioned, reaching for his weapon. “She’s one of them.”

“No, I’m not. I’m human, just like you,” she only half-lied.

The boy behind her grew louder in his mumblings.

The man didn’t stop. A dark glint overtook his eyes, mouth drawing into a strained scowl. “She’s turned like the others. She’s not one of us anymore.”

His partner seemed less certain, if his step back was any indication. He placed a hand on the other’s shoulder. “Hey, we don’t know that.”

“Please,” Connie emphasized. These were her people. Even if they were scared, they were still rational. “There’s got to be a way we can talk without pointing weapons at each other. Maybe find some sort of compromise?” The com in her visor blinked. Was it possible she could get Steven on the line? He was a better negotiator than she was.

She reached out. The man did not.

The bullet flew faster than she could draw her weapon.

Connie didn’t register the graze until the other man shouted, holding his friend back. The bullet scraped against her side, not enough to seriously injure but certainly enough to cause a burning sting. It was at that moment she noticed it. No more ringing. No more gunshots.

No more crying.

Her hands grew clammy, unable to accept the scene in front of her. She didn’t want to accept it. “He…he was just a child. He hasn’t done anything,” she said shakily, disbelief in her tone, because how could they do this?

Why?

She turned on her heel, facing the two men.

Why?

“Shoot her! Shoot her!” The first screamed as she shortened the distance between them.

She didn’t give either the chance. Zig-zagging before the second soldier could aim, her sword thrust forward, effectively silencing him. She pushed him into the other as a shield before jabbing once more, running both through.

Her choppy breathing was the only noise she heard as she continued forward. She couldn’t stay. She had to move. There was work to be done.

_Breathe_ , she thought. Focus on the mission.

The two soldiers hadn’t done a very good job if she’d gotten this far. Her visor picked up substantial movement beneath the ground below her. Not seismic. Mechanical.

Don’t think about it. _Don’t think about it_. **Don’t think about it**.

**Breathe.**

“I found the base,” she reported via commlink. “I’ll send you the coordinates.”

“Is everything okay, Connie?” Steven’s voice rang out. Why was he on communications? She had expected Pearl or even Jasper (if the gem was still around).

It would be different if it was them. She could be clinical, cold. With Steven. . . She struggled to find her answer.

Too many bodies. Even though they had tried to kill her, she couldn’t help but picture her parent’s faces on their corpses. How long had they fought in this war? She reviewed the video the visor had captured of the one who shot the child, back stiffening at his youthful features. He couldn’t be much older than she was. The realization that Pearl was right hit her hard. These _were_ her people. They breathed and lived and bled just as she had, albeit under different circumstances.

She wanted to vomit, but her duty stilled her throat. The chains of knighthood tightened around her chest. It terrified her how she felt about them, a mixture of sadness and regret instead of wholehearted remorse and heavy ridden guilt at killing her own flesh and blood. And Connie was helping this along.

Her thoughts traveled to the stories her grandmother used to tell her, the warriors of her faith and history from a time long past. She remembered how it chimed with her, the devotion to one’s duty, not unlike the fantasy books she so loved to read. She recalled how one singular verse was brought up during one of her history lessons when humanity discovered it could do more than just kill.

She was a knight to a kind liege in her world, but to them, to these people, she would be nothing more than another enemy. It didn’t bother her as much as she wished it did. Her years of training under Pearl must have numbed her to the notion.

Her fingers unlocked the side of her helmet. She lifted it up, sweat cooling under the soft breeze. The first words threatened to slip from her tongue.

_Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds,_ her mind whispered.

She decided another answer instead.

“No. Nothing about this is okay, Steven,” she stated, words devoid of emotion. “Nothing at all.”


	9. Deep Down You Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie finds help in dealing with her guilt from someone she never suspected.
> 
> A knight returns to her liege in the place they first began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own Steven Universe or any of its characters!
> 
> Hey! Oh my gosh, thank you so much for all the lovely reviews! Wow! And holy cheese I can't believe I'm almost at 1000 kudos?!?!? I'm so glad you guys like the fic. Shoutout to Echofour and Ashidaii for betareading and giving me lovely feedback in regards to the fic, ya'll are awesome. A huge thank you to the lovely artists who have done some absolutely gorgeous fanart for this fic. You guys deserve the world. I save each and every one of them to my phone. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter! I promise it's not going to be as emotionally heavy as the previous one.

_Deep down you know_   
_You weren't built for fighting_   
_But that doesn't mean_   
_You're not prepared to try_

* * *

She didn’t talk to anyone when she returned. Not to Steven, not to Pearl, not to Spinel—she headed straight for the healing pools deep in the center of the Garden. It was a private area where she’d always cleaned herself after training, the only place in the world she could avoid the others. No matter how much she washed, she couldn’t wipe away the dirtiness she felt. The wrongness. The waters might heal her body but they could not heal her soul, and she hated that.

She wasn’t sure how long she was there for, losing count on the number of times food and drink were delivered to her. A few days? A week? She continued to clean her uniform, over and over again, desperately trying to avoid thinking about it.

But there was no denying it. Humanity was doomed. Steven might have stopped the cluster but he could not stop human fear and self-destruction. She almost wanted to laugh. How many had died? How many were still living?

Less than there were before, she thought grimly, personally adding two more deaths to the total. It hurt how much of a stranger she had felt like on her own world, how detached she was to the situation at large. Part of her hated them, almost as much as her hatred towards the Diamond Authority. She forced herself to swallow the tears as the image of the boy and his mother reappeared in her mind.

A soft rustling drew her attention away from her guilt-ridden thoughts. Her fingers clenched, head turning sharply.

“I know you’re there, Spinel,” she stated.

The gem poked her head out, followed by an arm and a leg until her entire body came into view. “Took you long enough,” she pretended to yawn. “ I didn’t think you would be this off your game after a battle.”

Connie released a bitter laugh. “And what do you know of battles?” She turned away. “I want to be alone. Please.”

“You’ve been alone for days,” she drawled. She twisted her hands together, forming an O. She almost didn’t catch Spinel’s sleight of hand, a ball seemingly popping into existence a moment later. “ I’m bored. Play with me. Here.”

Connie caught it and glared. Why was she here? Out of all the people she thought would come, Spinel was the one she least expected. They were friends, but the gem didn’t do too well with depression.

Spinel gestured for the ball. “Now pass it back to me.”

Connie sighed but complied. “A game of catch?”

“Is that a problem?” She asked, head tilting to the side.

“I never consented to it.”

The gem whistled, one brow higher than the other. “But you threw it back! Under game rules, that means you’re a player now, dontcha know?”

Connie’s lips scrunched together, bewilderment in her brow.

“I don’t—” Spinel returned the ball, Connie catching it mid-air. “Don’t do that.”

“I will when you stop being such a sourpuss,” she challenged. 

Anger flared beneath Connie’s chest. Her eyes narrowed as she tossed it back, putting more force than before. “I am not a sourpuss.”

Spinel stretched out her arms, hands growing to catch Connie’s fastball. Taking a big leap forward, she landed on one of the nearby rocks. Connie wished she could be so flexible.

Taking a pose reminiscent of _The Thinker_ , Spinel continued, “Steven used to be a downer too. Always crying. Rarely happy. Heck, he tried to cheer me up and he was in worse shape than me! I think he was afraid. I would be too, I guess, since he was being criticized by the other Diamonds all the time. I wasn’t there for what White did to him the first time, but I was around for the next one and the next after that and—”

Connie’s eyes widened. She shifted closer to Spinel. It was rare for anyone to tell Connie about Steven from before. Just for a moment, her interest overtook her despair.

“What did White do to Steven?”

“She tried to make him into Pink,” Spinel stated wistfully.

She frowned at the response. “Steven _isn’t_ Pink.”

“Yeah,” Spinel sighed, eyes half-lidded. “He ain’t. Similar, with all the puffy pink hair and stuff, but they aren’t the same. I figured it out on my own over time, but the other Diamonds? Not so much.”

Connie dug deeper. “What made White stop?”

She shrugged. “Who knows? White must have cracked, or maybe Stevie cracked. All I know is he became a total recluse. Kid wouldn’t move unless someone told him to. Couldn’t even move him out of his room without him freaking out.”

“That’s horrible.”

“I know right? It wasn’t fun at all—kidding, kidding.” She waved her arms in an attempt to avoid Connie’s disapproving glare. Her attention shifted upwards. “Blue Diamond moved him here not because he asked, because she didn’t know what else to do. At least, that’s what Pearl told me. Can’t really know the whole truth unless ya ask someone, ya know?” She examined her fingers. “Everyone has their own views about you, but the only one who knows the truth is yourself.”

“Steven has a lot of secrets, doesn’t he,” Connie mused. Then again, so did she.

Her mind recalled the Quartz soldiers transporting the humans to the dropships. How many people were Steven taking? More importantly, why didn’t he tell her?

“Well, you could ask him yourself,” Spinel suggested.

She froze. “I can’t.” She shook her head. What if he refused? It was awkward enough as it was between them. They had just gotten to finding a balance in their relationship. “I really can’t.”

“You can,” she drawled, pushing off of the rock and into the air. A short mid-air twist later and she was standing before her, hand outstretched. “So stop moping.”

“I’m not moping, Spinel,” Connie growled, heart chilling as memory of her actions returned to the forefront of her mind. “I killed someone.”

No matter how many times she washed her hands she couldn’t ride the disgust she felt with herself. How desensitized she had been at the time.

“That’s part of your job though, right?” Spinel said.

“I . . .” She swallowed. “I didn’t know I would kill on Earth. I mean, I knew there was a possibility, but—”

She hated it. Much to her chagrin, Spinel was right. Connie bit down on her bottom lip. How much of herself had she sacrificed to this job she had been chasing for years? And it had all been her choice to do so. Every step of the way. She was to blame for this. Her shoulders sagged.

“Expectations were different from reality,” Spinel remarked in a monotone, her words hitting Connie like knives. “You signed up for this.”

“We were only supposed to be down there to look for his ship,” she weakly contested.

Her breathing picked up. The more she thought about it the more she hated herself, hated how easy it felt to kill someone, how alien she was to the entire situation, like a gem. Her shoulders quaked at that realization. All along she had tried to be like them and now she was and it terrified her.

Spinel rolled her neck, eyes never straying from the girl. “The chance was always there though, right? You did your duty, kid. Same as the rest of us.”

“But not like this!” Connie yelled, emotions bubbling above the surface like a flood. Anger intermixed with remorse as she brought her legs to her chest, trying so desperately to hide from her actions.

Tears welled up. She struggled to contain them, but a few slipped past, trailing down her cheeks. She almost didn’t register the arms moving around her body, drawing her into a tight hug.

“Come on,” Spinel said in a soft tone, one hand awkwardly patting her back. “Let it out.”

She sniffed. “I thought you didn’t like crying.”

“Hmm, yeah, but . . . “ She scratched her chin before delivering a soft sigh, her head leaning against Connie’s for a moment. “You really look like you need to.”

She hiccupped, a few more droplets escaping. All the feelings she had locked away encased her now, just as painful as the first time. Losing her parents, being kidnapped from her home, turned into an alien’s pet, losing her best friend to foreign politics beyond her social status, fighting for the right to be at his side and now—

Her head lifted. She pressed the pieces of herself back together again. Not the same (she would never be the same after killing someone), but reformed like a kintsugi cup, the lines of her mental training with Pearl holding together her current state. It would have to do for now. It must.

Her breathing steadied. Spinel must have taken note, pulling back as she continued, “I ain’t gonna sugar coat it for ya. There’s no turning back now. You wanted this role. You got it. Can’t let your emotions eat at you. Heck, look at little ol’ me! You want to be stuck in a rut for thousands of years?”

Connie snorted. “I won’t live that long.”

“Well, you’re living now, aren’t you?” She lightly bumped the girl’s shoulder. “Go to him. Talk to him. He needs you just as much as you need him right now.”

“Why are you telling me this?” She asked.

Spinel rolled her eyes. Connie frowned. Her relationship with Spinel was a strange one, a double-edged sword of friend and rival, depending on the gem’s mood.

“Ugh, do I have to spell it out for you?” She gestured her thumb at her breast. “Because _I’m_ his best friend.”

Her lips pursed together in agitation. Sucking in her cheeks she replied, “Well, why aren’t you with him right now then?”

She almost didn’t catch the soft shift, Spinel’s confident, dry smile flickering to something more vulnerable and sad.

“Because right now, Stevie doesn’t need his bestie,” Spinel answered, stretching a hand out towards Connie. “He needs _you_.”

* * *

It didn’t take her long to find him. Searching for Steven was less of a hunt and more of a memory of his daily routines. Sooner or later he always came back to that secret part of the Garden. As she used to do.

It was just her luck that the bathing pools were at the opposite end of the Garden. It gave her more time to think, something she would rather avoid at this point, because thinking brought back the memories and despite her little heart-to-heart with Spinel, she couldn’t avoid looking at her mistakes, her deficiencies, and herself.

Going to Earth changed her. There was no doubt in that. Her resolve to protect Steven remained unbroken but the rest—what was the point of fighting for a place her own people had destroyed? With nuclear weapons at that. Nuclear didn’t even affect gems. It was so inefficient, so wasteful of resources, so—

She blinked. When had her mind become so alien? Years ago, she would have defended their actions. Now?

She was caught between two races with nowhere to belong. Lucky her.

The scenery darkened, the shaded grove overtaking the skyline. Familiar wildflowers painted the landscape, reminding her of the hills she would watch pass by from her father’s car. The further she walked the more untamed it grew. Her lips grew dry as she approached the hidden entrance. She hadn’t prepared to meet him like this. So disheveled. So unlike her normal self. Her hair had grown wavy and knotted from lack of brushing these past few days and she knew the bags under her eyes had grown steadily more prominent.

Not that he seemed to care. His eyes sharpened, alert in the face of the unknown, only to widen as she presented herself.

Her hands reflexively went upwards to salute her Diamond, only to pause midway. What a knight she had been. Abandoning her post after her very first mission. Her fingers crossed together, uncertainty growing. Would he even want her back in his guard after what she’d done?

He answered her thoughts with a firm hug, so tight she almost gasped.

“You came,” he breathed into her ear, shoulders rising with each breath.

Connie circled her arms around his neck. Unlike Spinel’s hard, cool embrace, Steven’s was soft and warm, the beat of his heart playing softly against the skin of her arm, reminding her of the humanity they both shared. “How long have you been waiting?”

“Awhile,” he admitted sheepishly.

She smiled, pulling back to see his face. “How long is awhile?”

As expected, a bright grin broke out over his features. “I would wait an eternity for you.”

Her heart pounded, though not from nervousness. It was a giddy sort of sensation, like getting a present on one’s birthday. The expectation was good, but the execution was even better.

“You really have a talent for making a girl swoon, don’t you?” She joked, squishing his cheeks together.

“I’m a natural,” he answered, mischievousness in his brow.

Of that, she had no doubt. She released his face as she remembered her objective. She took his hand, guiding him deeper into the secluded spot.

“We need to talk, Steven,” she stated.

His shoulders lowered, lips pulling close. It was a resigned look, as if he had expected this. “Right. Of course, here or . . .?

“This place is fine,” she replied, seating herself near one of the rosebushes. The thorns lightly pricked at her back, reminding her that despite their beauty, there was pain there too. Steven joined her, long legs crossing together.

She listened to him breathe. Her eyes closed as she took in the fresh scent of roses, mind cycling through the best words to convey her thoughts. Steven had kept the secret about the Amethysts from her. She didn’t feel betrayed exactly but she definitely wasn’t happy. There was also the matter of their home. Her stomach lurched as the image of the barren landscape flashed through her mind. So many complicated feelings. How to untangle them all?

A large hand pressed up alongside her own. For a moment the appendage was still, but soon his pinky finger betrayed the rest, entangling with her own smaller one. A bemused smile broke before flatting into a thoughtful line.

“What’s going to happen to the Earth?” She finally asked.

“I’m not sure,” he answered truthfully. “The Cluster program has been placed back into dormancy, but humanity’s weapons might wake it up again.”

“I saw,” she remarked.

Steven’s ring finger joined the pinky. He caught her gaze with his own, a fierce desperation riding his voice. “But I won’t give up. I know I can help. I have to.”

The words stuck fast, though they lacked any venom. “So your version of helping is making a new zoo for them?” She added a raised eyebrow to emphasize her disapproval.

He seemed to crumple under her look. A bright shade of pink spread across his cheeks. “I…I really should have told you about that.”

“You should have.” She sighed, the anger replaced with a more reserved interest. “But what’s done is done. How long have you been planning this?”

“Only recently, I swear. The other Diamonds are the ones who have been in control of the war, so I didn’t see what was happening until after . . .” He swallowed. “Well, until they started going nuclear. I tried to come to some sort of peace treaty, but it was too late for that.” His other hand balled into a fist. “If only I had become regent sooner. Maybe then I could have stopped all this from happening.”

“Regent? Does that mean the coronation went forward?”  
  


He perked up, waving to his outfit. “Sort of. Like my new clothes?”

They were indeed different. Though it used the same pinks there was a more masculine tone to the ensemble, with long pants and a shirt that flared out in the back. It still conveyed the same royal feel, but it felt more like him rather than a copy of his mother’s wear. He had even replaced his cloak, going for a more colorful cloth that hung over his shoulder like a snake, moving in even the slightest of breezes. She wondered what it was made of. Hard light perhaps?

Noticing his waiting gaze, she answered warmly, “You look good in everything, Steven.”

The pink on his cheeks overtook the rest of his face, casting the area in a light glow. She giggled.

“I, um, that is . . . “ He coughed, the light dissipating as he regained his composure. “Thank you.”

Had Steven always been this nervous? Or was he merely being more open with her than before? It seemed like such a new development.

She switched back to the previous subject. “That’s why you started expanding the Zoo then. How many people are you going to bring?”

“As many as I can,” he admitted. “ I’m in the process of creating ten separate stations that will house them until I can _fix_ this.”

“Steven,” She noted his fixation on the emphasized word with a worried frown. “It’s not your job to fix everyone’s problems.”

“It doesn’t matter. I made a promise to you and a promise to myself to help,” he responded, though it felt more like a reassurance to himself than an answer to her.

And that was what worried her. Steven was so willing to sacrifice himself over others. First throwing himself at the Diamonds to ‘protect’ Connie. What would he sacrifice for the new zoos? His health? Her brows curved down into a sharp V. His life?

Well. Not as long as she was around. Even if she couldn’t protect the Earth as it was now, she could at least protect Steven and the remaining refugees. So long as Steven didn’t try to protect her first. Stars, what a pair they were.

“You’re so incredibly stubborn,” she voiced aloud.

“ _We_ ’re incredibly stubborn,” he corrected, the rest of his fingers migrating over her own to join his rebellious pinky and ring.

She softly laughed, half-surprised at how genuine if felt. Then again, “I suppose that’s true too.”

He leaned closer, his face nearly level with her own. Though she could hear her heart in her eardrums, she was strangely unafraid. The tension that clung there before had lessened, at least for now. If there was any tension in the first place. She did tend to overthink things at times.

“Do you remember when I first took you here?” He whispered.

“Of course.” She snorted. “How could I forget?”

Even now, she could envision him leading her into the place, so excited to show her his secret spot. They were so young then. Hard to believe that they had changed in such a short period of time.

The idea came to her before she could form the words, transforming her mouth into a fond smile. “Steven.”

“Yes?”

Connie rose from her seat, one leg down while the other stood upwards, like a knight’s bow before her liege. Holding his hand with two of her own, she asked, “Will you dance with me?”

For a moment he froze, shocked at her words. Soon his features warmed up however, his large smile once again spreading across his face.

“Always.”

* * *

****

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Connie’s breath hitched as his right hand pressed against the small of her back. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t danced before, but this was the first time since he’d returned. She wasn’t used to the differences yet. Steven seemed to adjust to her body language however, leaning forward while lowering his left hand to accommodate her own.

Nature’s music led the duo, the steady stream of the nearby water and rustling leaves the earth’s orchestra. Connie struggled to keep up, timing the beats with her own inner rhythm she’d learned from Pearl’s training. Matching each sway and step reminded her of the countless sword maneuvers her trainer drilled into her.

“Connie, can I ask you a question?” Steven asked suddenly.

She looked up in surprise. “Depends on the question.”

“Why didn’t you see me after the mission?”

Her nose crinkled. She bit her inner cheek, trying to find a proper answer. Failing to do so, she replied, “That’s . . . not something I can answer easily.

Her body tensed. It was hard to enjoy herself whenever her mind returned to what happened. She hoped she would be able to handle living with the guilt in a better manner than she was now. It was still too fresh, too recent, for her to forget.

Maybe this was penance. Constant lingering guilt for the lives she cut short. Even if justified, she could not get their faces out of her mind. She sighed. It would stay with her until the end of her days, it seemed.

Steven leaned forward, bangs swaying over his eyes. “You aren’t to blame, you know. What happened out there wasn’t your fault.”

“I see you’ve read the debriefing report,” she stated, hands starting to pull away.

Of course, she was to blame. She could have avoided the entire confrontation if she hadn’t gone over to that rubble. The boy and his mother would have still been dead, with or without her help. And yet . . .

  
Connie wasn’t the type of person to give up on someone else either.

He caught her fingers before she could withdraw. Giving them a tight squeeze, in a low voice he asked, “Please, don’t push me away.”

Push _her_ away? Oh, that was rich, coming from the very boy who did the exact same to her not so long ago. Bitterness stewed within her at the memory.

“Like you did to me?” She retorted dryly. A sense of guilt soon overtook her at the words. After a moment’s thought, she added remorsefully, “Sorry, that was rude of me.”

A look of regret passed across his features. His fingers slid from her hands, up her arms until they reached her face.

“No, you’re right,” he stressed. “I was wrong to do that. I won’t again though. I promise on my life.”

Heart beating wildly in her chest, she struggled to regain her composure. His hands felt hot against her cheeks, or was it her cheeks that were burning up? Despite the strangeness, however, she found she liked it, unusual as it was. She liked this closeness, this affection. It made the sadness less painful.

She cupped his hands with her own. “Those should be my words. What’s done is done.” She patted his hands as if to emphasize her next words. “This is _my_ burden to carry.”

“Well, let me at least ease some of that burden by helping you carry it. I’m the reason this war happened in the first place,” he answered.

Wait . . .what? Did he truly believe that?

“You’re wrong.” She drew closer. “Steven, you’re the best person I’ve ever met. This war isn’t your fault.”

He threw her a sad smile. “It is though. I’m Pink Diamond. This is all my fault. That’s why it’s up to me to fix it.”

Was this part of the reason he threw himself at the Diamonds? Did he think he deserved to be punished for the actions his mother made? The thought churned her stomach. For him to carry so much guilt—her heart broke at his reasoning.

“No, you’re not,” she said, pulling his hands away from her face. Mirroring his earlier leading position, she carried on their dance. His expression of confusion melted away as she added, “I mean, I’m no expert about gems or humans, so maybe a part of you is Pink Diamond, but you could say the same about me being my mom and dad. I’m not Priyanka Maheswaran. I don’t have her medical expertise. I’m not Doug Maheswaran either, because I don’t know anything about security or dad jokes and—I keep rattling off. I sound so stupid, don’t I?”

“Not at all.” His eyes glittered. “I never knew your parents’ names before.”

“And you’re not Pink Diamond. Don’t look at me like that. You’re not! It would be like saying you’re your dad, and you’re not him either, are you?” She took his begrudging nod as confirmation to continue. “It’s not the parts of us that make us who we are, it’s the whole.” She shifted her hand on his waist to pull them close together. “You are Steven Universe and you didn’t start this war.”

He blinked. Once. Twice. He whispered in disbelief, “You spoil me with your words.”

Connie groaned. This doofus. Only Steven could be so absolutely dense to the truth. “When am I going to get it through your thick head that you’re not to blame for any of this?” Her hands switched to his arms to shake his stupid self. “You’re amazing! Why can’t you see that?”

A litany of giggles escaped his mouth. “Oh my stars, I think I’m having flashbacks right now.”

“Same,” Connie replied as laughter spilled out.

How long had it been since she’d felt like this? Since that day, she thought, back when they were two lonely kids in a secret garden. How had things become so complicated since then? She barely noticed Steven switching their positions, taking the lead once more.

“What else do you remember from that day?” He said.

Connie contemplated his question before answering, “Well, I’m fairly sure it started with a compliment fight.”

“Which you won, of course.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure you did.” She swung her hip into his, nearly knocking them both off balance. “You were, and still are, _quite_ the flatterer.”

He barked a laugh. “I only spoke the truth. I wish you could see yourself the way I do.”

“I could say the same! You’re too hard on yourself. You don’t have to resolve everything. You’re perfect the way you are,” she said. There was no one else who could pick her up the way Steven did. No one else who knew the depths of her pain.

“And you push yourself too much.” He sighed, resting his chin on her head. “You put yourself in danger and that scares me, because you don’t see how courageous and fantastic you are.”

Connie shook her head, trying to dispel the heat rising in her body. “Stop it! You’re making me blush.”

“It’s true! You amaze me.” His gaze rose to the artificial sky. In the Garden, the galaxy was in clear view for all to see. “I never thought I would get this again.”

She cocked her head to the side. “What?”

“A relationship with someone. Being a Diamond all the gems seemed to fear me . . . I’m not sure I should be telling you this, especially after your first battle.”

“No, please. I—I know, in part, from what the others have told me, but I want to hear it from you.”

“It wasn’t very nice. I don’t like to think about it. Homeworld was miserable. I was miserable. Every one of my cries meant someone would get shattered, every angry outburst meant incurring White’s attention—I closed myself off. Too afraid of hurting someone or getting hurt myself. Pearl and Spinel kept me from going crazy. I’m not sure how long I would have lasted if I hadn’t had them.” His lips wavered. He ducked his head. “I was a coward. I couldn’t stand up to any of the Diamonds. I think I buried a part of myself because of them.”

Connie’s bottom lip trembled. It was these moments she lived for, these open book conversations that she had no one else but Steven to turn to. Every new thing she learned about him made her care for him all the more. She hummed, resting her head against him. How was it possible to feel so much emotion for one person?

“All I had was my parents and then they died and suddenly I was alone,” she confessed. “I pretended everything was fine. They were okay. I blocked the memory, just so I would keep moving. I never thought it would lead me to you.”

This close to him, she could feel the vibrations in his chest as he laughed. “Now you’re the one making me blush.”

Boldness took ahold of her. Acting on instinct, she redirected their course, switching their hands around to complete the maneuver.

“I want to try something,” she said giddily. Taking his left hand into her right, she encircled his same arm around her then, like a spring, she circled away, twisting around until she was the furthest she could go.

“Was that supposed to be a twirl?” He snorted.

“I’m a fighter not a dancer,” she defended, face hot with embarrassment.

She yelped as he lifted her up. “Come here! Let me show you how it’s done.”

They whirled around. Connie’s fake protests and Steven’s laughter intermixed as two became one. As the glow of the fusion faded, they basked beneath the starry sky, hands draped around their body as if hugging themselves.

Images of Connie’s experience in the battlefield were soothed by Steven’s painful memories of White Diamond. Happy memories, her first bicycle ride, his first song in front of the gems, their first enactment of Unfamiliar Familiar’s opening scene—each intertwined with the tearful ones, the ones they tried to hide away from everyone, even themselves. Every training scrape and bruise matched with every shattered gem’s fearful gaze. Her parent’s screams joined with his father’s, a stark reminder of their aligned hopes and dreams. Both teen’s pain became their own, shared together by the strength of their relationship.

It was exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time and just as amazing as their first fusion. They never wanted to let go of this feeling and yet, at the same time, wanted to run away, fearful of the meaning of their actions and what the future consequences would bring.

“We sure are an odd couple aren’t we?” The Connie part of them said aloud.

Fusion was wrong, they knew that. Even as children they had known the dangers in this form. It was why Steven had avoided doing so when he returned. It was why Connie refused to ask. Because the moment they did they knew they wouldn’t be able to resist the desire for this feeling.

Connie knew what he was going to say but the Steven portion of the fusion still asked, “How do you feel?”

They stretched their form, falling back into the grass. The heels dug into the dirt, feet tickled by the rose bushes. There were so many answers they could come up with, especially with two minds in one body. But this wasn’t a together question. This was for Connie. Their face smiled before replying, “Okay.”

“Me too,” the part that was Steven remarked.

A warmth bubbled forth at the realization. Even if the world was against them, they had each other. Their hands fit together across their chest. They didn’t know what to call this form, not yet, but they held it as long as they could before their duties called for them once more.


End file.
